Over-focused ADD + OCD + Depression and Anxiety

As the wife of someone who is very similar.  It took a long time for him to find the right combination.  It turned out for my husband that part of the problem was low testosterone.  Make sure that he had as complete check up.   However, he is still not fully functioning.  Now I have two children one of which has severe ADHD and rages.  I feel like a single mother with three children.  Although I love my husband and children, if I were to go back again.  I would have left my husband and found someone without these issues.  My life is unmanageble at times and I have no support.  Other people do not understand when your husband and children are mentally ill.   Just something to think about while he is still your boyfriend.   

Hi there.

Thanks for your honesty. I know what you mean about feeling like you're a single parent. Often times I have felt that I technically have a boyfriend, but I really don't feel like I have one, and I'm sorry that this whole mental illness concept is difficult for others to understand. I think mental illness patients have it the worse because it's not a "physical" handicap that people can see -- like a person in a wheel chair, or someone missing their limbs -- especially in my boyfriend's case, he didn't show many emotional signs of illnesses.

It turns out that he may be bipolar, particulary with an unstable mixed state. He is currently on a new class of medications, and is taking Depakote. He has gotten some relief, at least he can tolerate higher dosages on this as opposed to the SSRI. This is just something to keep in mind. It takes years to properly diagnose bipolar, and often times the "rejection" of the SSRI is an indicator of this illness. Over time, the SSRI builds up and irritates the bipolar state, so now it's just a matter of finding the right combination to help with the depression. Interestingly, Depakote also has a high testosterone level in it, and his libido has increased from the previous year.

I appreciate your genuine advice and concern in regards to re-considering the status of the relationship. What's interesting is that we broke up last month due to his "commitment phobia" but we still talk and spend time together. He will actively partake in therapy to help resolve the deep rooted issues...  In regards to a future, I've asked myself the question of could I see myelf or do I want to see myself with this guy? Would it be wise for us to have children? I'd say, "No" because I see him suffering so much that I wouldn't want to pro-create to have our children suffer in the future, not to mention trying to avoid exactly what you're talking about and currently dealing with. I know that with something as severe as bipolar and OCD, he will most likely not be the "normal" father. So, I've also asked myself whether I would be OK with just the two of us, with no children and the answer is "Yes" -- would I be OK with not having biological children and opt for adopting, and the answer is "Yes" (depending on his condition). He and I are so close, and I really can't imagine my life without him. Even with the pain of feeling distant from him from time-to-time, when he is able to show affection, all of it is so worth it to me. I simply love and adore him.

As I said we are broken up now, so all of the things above no longer apply as of now, but as silly and illogical as it sounds, I love him so much I'm not interested in dating other people. I just want to be with him.

Thanks so much for your candid response, and if you ever wanna chat or let off some steam, let 'er' rip -- I understand how difficult it is.

Hang in there!