For my first 4 years getting paid a steady salary, I slowly and naively signed up for over 15 lines of credit. When I was at a clothing store, for example, I would be so "revved up" from just the thrill of shopping that I would take any offer they gave me: "Open an account with us today and save 20%!" I opened a few more and attempted to complete a cash advance before I realized I was almost $18, 000 in debt. I joined a money/debt management group/plan and have been paying off a large amount every month for the last 3 years. I'm almost done, but I still have trouble with impulse control. I find that there is no "in-between" for me. I just can't have a credit card, period. Maybe some day I'll open one with a small line of credit for emergencies, but I probably can't carry it on me. After all the suffering and stress that I put myself through, I still have that urge.
It is confusing--I didn't know about or understand APR's or why is was not good to only pay the minimum payment. I don't know if it's as much about the disorganized aspect of ADD that is my problem in this area as it is the impulse-control and vulnerability, if you will, of being distracted, then completely "hyper-focused" on a "look" in fashion or a product...then it just tailspins out of control. The ability to online shop has been my biggest temptation and danger.
What do you do when your husband, who has ADD and has been coached on what to do with money and how to do it on several different occasions, still fails every time and drags the whole family in disgrace?. How many chances can someone give? I am tired, really, of this situation. He knows what his weaknesses are, apparently he realizes what is what he is doing wrong but doesn't accept full responsibility and sometimes even denies having done certain things with money. This article is nothing new to him or me, and this time he has really brought us to zero numbers on all accounts, except one that I purposely opened only on my name and he has no access to it, this time he went too far and emptied my kids accounts and didn't said a word about it to me until I checked the other day statements and saw zero on both of them, it took a lot of time to build that money for my kids and he didn't respect that. I pay some bills, like the house, college and life insurance for kids,and a couple of other bills and he is supposed to pay the rest of the bills, but he seems to forget to pay them and builded up a mountain of unpaid bills. He got overwhelmed by it but didn't communicate to me at all (I stop overseeing his activities at his request, he said he was tired of me always, from his point of view controlling him and supervising, so I stepped out of it thinking I am going to trust him), so without thinking he tried to repair his damage by causing more damage and taking bad choices, we are at the point that as of today I don't know how are we going to survive this week and how we are going to get to work and the kids to school, we have been eating only twice a day to make the food last longer. I don't know what else to do, because nothing seems to help him get out of that vicious cycle and I don't think he ever will. It is going to be 10 years of marriage this year and it might be the last. The family is suffering, if there's something else I can do to help my husband? because I feel like I have done a lot already, I am about to throw the towel. HELP!!!.
Hi Milu:
I am so touched by your comments...my heart really goes out to you. My husband and I separated last year for the very same reason; the only difference is that in my situation "I" am the one who could never learn. Milu, I want to share with you some of the things that, if he's at all like me, your husband may experience from this disability; and as well, how you can help him. I have so much that I can share with you, Milu, to help you along with this...if you would like to connect, my email address is dyavery@gmail.com. I can help by giving you some information that has tremendously changed my life and helped me. Feel free to connect. Take good care, ~D
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Thank goodness for automatic bill paying! We have most of the utilities and credit cards set up for automatic payment from checking accounts. That cut down on our late payment fees.
One CC company's -web site- only allows you to set up automated payments 3 ways, Minimum, Fixed amount or a one-time payment of any amount. No where could you set up to pay in full automatically. When I complained to the bank manager, they gave me a form to fill out for the -Pay in Full- automatic option. I had to mail it in and it took 4 months before it was in effect, but it's one less bill to lose and on less thing that had to be done.
I quit drinking coffee due to interference with meds, bring green tea (less caffeine) and a mug plus lunch to work.
I tend not to impulse buy for myself, thank goodness! But I do have a problem with impulse buying at food markets and shopping for others.
It does help to -not be- where you have a problem.