ADHD in Relationships: The Experts Speak Out: Part 3
Over the past few days I have been sharing with you responses from many different experts, authors, bloggers and adults with ADHD to the question:
How does ADHD impact your relationship and what suggestions can you give other adults coping with ADHD in their relationship?
To read all of this feature:
Today, we have two more responses. One from Dr. Lara Honos-Webb and one from Bryan Hutchinson, author of three books on ADHD.
From Lara Honos-Webb
Challenges and Suggestions for relationships with ADHD people
The messy, unplanned lifestyle of your ADD partner can be overwhelming. One key to learning to cope with this lifestyle is to recognize that disorganization is not meant to make you mad. The messes and the unruly hours and erratic schedules can be directly translated into creativity. A creative person may be so lost in his or her imagination they don't even notice the messes! So if you love someone with ADD, you need to focus on the gifts of ADD to keep the passion alive. Real problems will be resolved not by scolding but by unleashing the motivation in your partner to cooperate with you. When you focus on your partner's gifts, you make them more likely to cooperate with your desire for them to pay attention to you and follow through on commitments.
Dr. Lara Honos-Webb is the author of The Gift of ADHD and The Gift of Adult ADD. For more tips and tools about ADHD visit http://www.visionarysoul.com/. Sign up for Dr. Lara Honos-Webb's free newsletter at http://www.visionarysoul.com/newsletter.html.
From Bryan Hutchinson
In my opinion, the biggest challenge in ADHD relationships is understanding each other as best as possible. The first and most important thing a non-ADHD partner should consider doing is to get to know the basic overview of ADHD symptoms and how they affect a person. With that information then discuss the symptoms and other aspects of the disorder with their partner to get a clearer understanding of how ADHD is affecting them personally. The ADHD partner also needs a clearer understanding of what and why certain things upsets their partner or makes them happy. Any good relationship is maintained by not only mutual respect, but just as importantly, mutual understandings and this can be achieved by learning about each other with regular conversations about the issues that concern them. When it is difficult in a relationship to discuss things openly together, the relationship will suffer. A therapist or counselor can help a couple learn ways to open up to each other. In my book Adult ADHD can be Sexy I share a few tips that my wife and I use to help our discussions together.
Bryan is the author of three books in print about ADHD and five eBooks. He is also a well-known, respected blogger on the Internet and the founder of the ADHD Social Network wwwADDerWorld.ning.com