We are continuing with our series on ADHD in Relationships. As explained in Part 1,  I went to the experts and asked how ADHD impacts relationships and what they would offer as suggestions to help. In this, the fifth section, we will hear from four experts:

Rudy Rodriguez, ADHD Coach

Michele Novotni, Ph.D., ADHD Coach

Cathy Jantzen, LSCW, ADHD Coach

Ari Tuckman, Ph.D.

To read all of this feature:

ADHD in Relationships: The Experts Speak Out: Part 1

ADHD in Relationships: The Experts Speak Out: Part 2

ADHD in Relationships: The Experts Speak Out: Part 3

ADHD in Relationships: The Experts Speak Out: Part 4

ADHD in Relationships: The Experts Speak Out: Part 5

From Rudy Rodriguez

Here Today, Gone A Moment Later
Most will agree that ADHD can present several and assorted challenges to relationships but I find that one of the significant and misunderstood issues is the inconsistency inherent in the ADHD individual. The inconsistent behavior of the ADHD individual frequently raises doubts and distrust on the part of the non-ADHD partner. Maybe you've heard this before. "Why is that he/she can focus on [blank] but can't pay attention when we're trying to have a conversation"? How come he/she can spend hours working on [blank] but can't clean the garage, pay the bills, finish the taxes, etc. You can fill in the blanks but the possibilities are endless.

The truth is that recent research indicates that ADHD does NOT represent a problem with faulty attention. Rather new thinking suggests that ADHD represents a problem of faulty modulation and self regulation. ADHD relationships will benefit greatly from updated and accurate information. Unfortunately, there is an abundance of false and inadequate misinformation available on the internet and from some well meaning individuals so seek evidenced based information.

CoachRudy Rodriguez is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker working with ADHD since 1981, a Certified Coach and a diagnosed ADHD adult. CoachRudy is Founder of the ADHD Center for Success and recently opened the ADHD Clinic in Asheville NC.

From Michele Novotni

One ADHD challenge that many relationships face is that the non ADHD partner often doesn't feel heard or valued due to the fluctuating attention span.

Try a strategy I developed called 3 Questions 3 Deep-
When your partner tells you about an event/situation, ask 3 questions about this event/situation with each question following up on what he/she says before changing the topic or focus. Some folks even keep track with their fingers. At the end of the conversation, deepened by your questions, you are usually deemed a great listener.

If your partner blames you for not hearing what they said, try a strategy called The Echo. Repeat what you heard them say to check to see if you got it right. Stops a lot of missed communication glitches in it's track.

Wishing you much social success. Get a free copy of the Novotni Social