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I've been with my hubby for 18 years now. It's not easy, but it is doable. Sometimes the level of frustration can be overwhelming. He has improved on a lot of his ways, but forgets a lot of times too. I have just learned to pretty much stay on my path, to do whatever I am doing and accept that he might jump on my path occasionally. At times he has a hard time accepting that I am not like him and I'm not going to have a dozen projects open at one time. As I learned not to get so annoyed with him and just accept him, now he gets annoyed with me not being like him. It's not an easy life being married to a spouse with ADD. Sometimes I sit and wish for "normal", whatever that may be.
Hi,
I've been married for 16 years and only about 2 years ago did he do a self test which put him in the add/adhd group. And what a load off that was when I read the questions and answers. It's so completely him and now he can identify how his entire life he's been this way. For many years I felt that his 'freak outs' and emotional ups and downs were somehow my fault. Now I have a peace of mind to realize he's going thru some kind of a little cycle and will snap out of it as though nothing happened.
He's a good father and husband. Just very short tempered. But worst of all is how I've spent so many years questioning myself like I'm in my own private twilight zone. It's like he has some kind of short term memory loss. Even a few months down the road he has spaced out on how we may have decided on a childrearing issue, or esp. a
financial one.
I'm trying to figure out if maybe we wrote down agreements and dated and signed then as at least agreed on guidelines it would work. When I bring up how we had decided to handle a specific issue, he thinks I'm pulling some control thing, but he had thought it thru with me before and agreed. I'm still on that page, and he's totally spaced out with all different spur of the moment ideas. Any suggestions?
Sorry to disappoint you, but I have no real ideas of how to get him settled down, with the exception of finding the right meds if he will take them. I just don't let mine drag me down any paths I choose not to go on. He sometimes will travel in large circles but eventually will find the same path I am on. Good luck and try not to let it bother you when he babbles his "ideas" and "thoughts" and "scemes". At least all the kids here are raised and I don't have to deal with him saying things to them and then try to explain why he cannot follow through on what he says.
I am 20years old and live with my boyfriend.
About a year ago i found out that i have ADHD, when me and my boyfriend started dating, i tried to tell him about it, and that i have it.
And its been about 8months that we been dating and he still doesn't understand.
I would like to thank you for this, may he will understand now.
I truely believe myundignosed ADD was the cause of my problems in my first marriage that lead to alot of verbal and emotional abuse and divorce and it is also the cause of alot of problems in my now second marriage. I hate having ADD and how it affects me and my relationships with others.
Hello Karen,
I too have been misdiagnosed for years. I married a wonderful, "normal", caring, patient, responsible man on August 3rd. Now, I can totally see how ADHD has effected my previous relationships, however, not ALL my fault. I decided to seek treatment because I love my husband very much, and do not want distruction. I have became very much more aware of my actions, trying to be slow to speak and more quick to think things through. I am currently taking 20mg of Vyvanse, but along with the medication, I am going to strengthen my relationship with God. I know what the problem is, now I am going to do my darndest to fix it :-) Hope this helps you!
Lauren
when reading this article i felt like #11 on the list could have been: "Don't ever expect anything like 50% from me because i will never be able to give it to you." My husband is a beautiful, genuine, loving creature. He also has been recently diagnosed with ADD. it has been a problem since day one, but i guess i just thought it was a choice he was making to be that way and would one day get over it. somehow it's morphed out of control into a 90/10 situation that i see no way out of. i get that there's a physiological difference, but how many times in the better part of a decade can ADD make you quit your job? it must be harder for us in that i am very serious about goals and actually doing the things i say i am going to do - no matter how big or small. i'm dying. i want 50%. nothing more. after exhaustive research, that doesn't even seem attainable. because my husband has ADD, am i supposed to lower my expectations and standard of living and Settle for less?? i feel like i am making us both miserable and it's awful. i have no idea what the "right thing to do" is anymore.
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That article was wonderful. If I my ex'es had read it we probably would still be together because my symptoms come out a LOT!