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Does any of you know where i can go for help, i live in australia and i cannot keep making excuses for my husband the final straw was on the weekend when he threatened to kill the ref at our sons football game, i just wanted to die and my kids are so embarrased, i feel like you ladies are the only ones i can talk to, i have lost all my friends because he ends up doing or saying something to them and they never come around anymore, he never stops talking and people even cross the road when they see him coming. I just cannot stop thinking about when we die we will have no one at our funerals and we don't have friends and even our families don't want anything to do with us.
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This article described the last 20 years of marriage with my husband. The blaming others part is such a huge self-denial mechanism, and has caused so much pain, depression, anger, frustration and despair for me that I see a psychiatrist for medication and a counselor to COPE with living with a person who simply refuses to seek help, who self-medicates with food and alcohol, denies that he is about 100 lbs. overweight and never exercises (no walks, nothing even simple & easy).
Now he is getting up in age -- 50 yrs -- and perhaps his time is numbered in using these two outlets to manage his time. But it doesn't matter because he will use them despite all the red flags. His self-denial is incredibly strong. For you see, to him I am the nutjob, he's fine!!
Once our daughter is through with high school I am out of this marriage. Why am I waiting? Because the only place I can & start regaining my life would be in the city (Chicago) and we live in the NW suburbs. I can't make that commute every day with her for high school & I don't want to pull her out of the school she started in and loves. So 3 more years. The meds, the psychiatrist & the counselor help tremendously but of course things will be 100% better when I am rid of him.
I wish you the best. Please continue to post and let us know how you are doing. Posting and sharing your story may give you a place to vent and cope with the next three years.
Eileen
Hi, I read your posting about living with your husband who is add. My husband and I recently got married in June 2009. I always knew there was something different about him that made me think of him having add/adhd. We just found out that yes, he difinitely has been diagnosed with it. That is why I can relate to what you said in your posting. And we've only known each other 1 1/2 years! He was in great denial. And as always before, I was to blame and he did no wrong. It's taking him a while to accept this. I will say it was the best thing for him to hear it from a counselor we have been going to and a psychologist. But I still got blamed. I wish you the best with what you are dealing with. If only they knew...
as i read your story -for a moment i wondered if I had written it ! I have never met anyone who is living with someone who has ADHD. I have been living this nightmare for over twenty years. I have lost so much . I would settle for "a normal conversation" it will never happen now. I am 65, and sometimes wish i was dead. I thank my father for leaving me a generous inheritence, which will give me a way out. I am so damaged though, i will need some peace and quiet for a long , long time...
Omy gosh...all of the comments people made put fear in my heart. I am the one with ADD and my husband has been through so much already! I go back in forth about taking my meds....I know I need them but it is hard to really accept it. I am breastfeeding my 7 week ol right now and off my meds. My husband just told me I need to stop breastfeeding and take my meds. I m really torn by it. I am so sorry for you all about your spouses not getting treatment. ADD is soooo much more than just not paying attention or starting jobs and not finishing. We are FULL of anger and rage alot of times, quickly frustrated, and in my case completely irrational. I hope and pray your spouses will seek treatment.
I take Wellbutrin and it works really great. I am so sad to hear about possible breakups when it can be treated so easily. Just on a side note we just started a weightloss porgram and I have lost 3 pounds in 2 days and my husband has lost 4. I am on the breastfeeding program so I get to eat more :) . But it also helps my emotions to be on this program beacause I am eating every 2-3 hours.
Here is the program:
http://www.orderhere.tsfl.com/esuite/home/orderhere/
My husband would love to coach you or your spouse (help and support your weight loss) and also give you some tips about living with an ADD spouse!