My last Share Post dealt with a spouse denying the possibility of ADHD, even when the symptoms are present and undeniable. For some marriages, this results in "If Only..." Spouses may be experiencing some rocky times, with many "if only I had..." or "If only he(she) would..." Maybe you wish things were different, or you believe that if you just had the chance to do it over, you would do it differently, do it better. But all of this does not matter, what matters is right now, this very moment that you are in, together. This is the moment that you can build from.
It is easy to look back and see what you have done wrong, but in reality, it is all of those experiences, all of the moments you have lived up until this one, that has created who you are today. It is the insights you have gained that cause you to think how you do today, so, even if you had the chance to do it over, chances are this moment would not be happening.
Instead of looking back, look forward, but from a different perspective. It is not possible to erase the bad moments of your marriage, it is not possible to forget what has happened, it is possible, however, to change your view and create a new and exciting future.
The first step is to accept the person that you are today. You are a different person than you were last year, or maybe even last month. Maybe you are wiser and more thoughtful; maybe you are angry and resentful. Take some time to look at your strengths and your weaknesses and accept exactly who you are, good and bad. Once you have done this, decide which traits you want to keep and which ones you would like to change. This is the first step toward improving your life and your relationship.
Accept Your Spouse
As much as you need to accept yourself, you must accept your spouse, the good, the bad and the otherwise. Accept all it is about them that you love and all it is about them you become irritated with. Accept that together, they form the person that you have chosen to be with. Let go of who you thought they were or who you wanted them to become. What matters is who they are right this moment.
Accept Your Relationship
Your relationship may be good at some times and bad at others. Most relationships are. They have the moments when you know that all is good and well and others when you wonder what it is you are doing. If your marriage is going through some troubled times, accept it, because by denying it, you are denying yourself the chance to improve.
As you did with yourself, take an objective look at your relationship and decide which parts are worth saving and which parts need to be improved. Once you have accepted the faults, you can work to improve them.
Stay tuned for more of this feature next week.