Spouse Denial - Talking Together
We are almost through the series of dealing with denial in your spouse. By now, you have accepted your spouse, accepted yourself, accepted your responsibility in your current situation and found ways to take care of you.
Now it is time to speak openly with your spouse. In any marriage, communication can be difficult. However, if there are problems, communication is even more difficult and more critical to resolving the issues.
For adults with ADHD, communication can have some barriers:
- Easily distracted by their surroundings
- Mind wanders
- Sometimes have difficulty bringing their thoughts to words
Therefore, before you sit down to talk with your spouse, make an appointment with them. Let them know that this is very important to you. Let them know that you are setting up a time so that you can make sure there is a minimum of distractions. For example, the time should be set up for after the kids go to bed, when there is not going to be something on television your spouse absolutely wants to see, the phone will not be ringing, etc.
Plan what you want to say in advance, however, you don't want to begin by lecturing (a sure turn off) or by reading from a script. This discussion needs to come from your heart, not from a piece of paper. Write down some basic ideas of what you would like to discuss in order not to forget important parts of the discussion.
When you sit down to talk, remember, you are not there to judge or criticize, you are there as a team to work out some problems you may be having and to find solutions together.
Make sure you let your spouse know that you are having this talk because you want your marriage to work, that you love them and that you are working toward creating a better future together.
This talk should be with the goal of connecting with one another and agreeing that you want to make changes to make your life better and more fulfilling together. Once that has been accomplished, you want to set up times on a regular basis, maybe once a week, for you to continue to talk and connect with one another, creating goals for the future.