The Many Faces of ADHD - One Mother's Story

This was the beginning of a back and forth between houses that would leave both households emotionally drained. He visited often and behaved himself while he was there. He was diagnosed with depression and bipolar disorder and placed on medication and offered therapy.

At the age of 17 he was back again, contrite and "ready to follow the rules." It wasn't long, though, until it started again, but this time he would sneak out and drink and get high. A few months before high school graduation, the truant officer showed up at the door and talked to her son. He had been skipping school, even though he left the house each morning. He started going to school on a regular basis and with hard work (Mary's hard work), he graduated high school.

Jobs came and jobs went. He worked, he said he was fired. He got another job, worked for a few weeks and said he was fired. And so the cycle went. He went out with friends, he got high and he drank. Mary had had enough.

She did some research. He was using marijuana and drank occasionally. He didn't qualify for a rehabilitation center. They said he needed to have been drinking longer and that marijuana alone didn't qualify. He stopped taking medication. He didn't go to therapy. Conversation after conversation happened. He always said he would try harder, and for a few weeks he would. He would get another job, he would stop going out. But then it started again. He was too old to ground, too old to punish.

Finally, Mary handed him a slip of paper with the name of a men's shelter. She told him to leave. He threatened suicide. She told him to leave. He did. Something in Mary changed that night. She had put her son out of the house, without concern of where he was going. She just wanted him to leave. If all was said, she knew he could go back to his father's house, but he didn't want to live there. Michael didn't get along with his step-mother and didn't like living there.

Mary cried again. She also knew, there were too many nights she had cried over this. Nothing was changing. He was an adult now, he was allowed to make his own choices. Legally, there was nothing she could do unless she saw him try to commit suicide (she had researched this too). But Mary had other children and Michael was taking all of her time and energy. She was neglecting her other children. Mary knew it was the right decision, but she was deeply saddened. She wondered whether she and her son would ever be able to have a relationship again, but also knew it had been many years since they had had a good relationship.

Years went on like this, he returned a few times but it always ended up the same. After a while, Mary became hardened. Jokingly, Mary told her friends that it became easier to tell him to leave each time, but that wasn't the case. Each time she tried, each time she believed he had changed, each time she was devastated.

Michael is no longer welcome to live in Mary's house. She has found the strength to live by that. He still comes by, usually asking for something, usually money. He still works off and on. He still lies. He still uses her for what he needs. And sometimes she is taken in, not by the adult he has become, but by the memory of the young boy he once was.