Parenting Teens and Young Adults with ADHD - A Discussion with Dr. Ari Tuckman

The second reason is when someone quits or gets fired for doing something purposely or doing something inappropriate, when he or she knows better. This type of getting fired is more in line with quitting.

When this happens, your teen/young adult needs to understand the consequences of not having a job and not having money coming in. He or she needs to feel what it is like to not have money to go out with friends, not have a cell phone, not have money to buy gas or use their car. Let your child know about these consequences and avoid providing money except in emergencies.

Your child may need to work on handling and tolerating frustration. Although at this point in his or her life, they may not fully appreciate that having gaps in employment can make it more difficult to find another job, it should still be discussed. When moving from job to job, or spending time without a job, a resume either shows gaps in employment or shows too many jobs. Your child needs to understand how this looks to a potential employer.

When Substance Abuse Comes into the Picture

Parents can set limits on drinking. When setting limits, explain a focus on functional abilities, not on merits or dangers of drinking. For example, drinking each night can interfere with their ability to get up on time for work, and can interfere with their ability to do their job well. When parents focus on the merits or dangers of drinking, it comes across as nagging.

It is appropriate for a parent to take away access to a car if it is believed a teen/young adult is drinking and driving, or will be drinking or using other substances.

Although teens/young adults will always feel that parents just don't understand, the parent, in good conscience, should not sit back and do nothing.

When Nothing Works

When everything you have done has produced no good or sliding backward, parents may have no choice but to ask a child to leave their home. Before resorting to this option, you may want to try,  "If you don't have a job by _____, then you have to leave."

When giving an ultimatum, parents need to find a way to convey the seriousness of the threat.

Helping Teens and Young Adults with Finances

Finances can be a source of much frustration for both the parent and the teen/young adult. If there is a lack of basic skills for creating a budget and paying bills on time, it is okay for a parent to step in to help. The parent should, however, not take over paying bills. It is alright for the parent to do it with, but not for, the child. Set a time each month to sit down together and let your child know you will help him or her, but it is their responsibility to do it. Make sure he or she is involved in the process.

It may be necessary to set up certain safeguards beforehand. You might consider lowering the limit on a credit card or closing the account in order to prevent the teen/young adult from digging themselves into a hole.