Parenting Teens and Young Adults with ADHD - A Discussion with Dr. Ari Tuckman

Teens and young adults with ADHD, however, often need to feel the pain of doing it the hard way. Learning from someone else's knowledge or mistakes is difficult. More often, the pain of doing it the hard way is the only way to learn the lessons of life.

To Go to College or Not

Parents can play a role in helping their child decide if college is for them. One of the things parents may want to consider is: to what extent have they already managed things on their own? If parents had to stand over them to do everything, they probably are not ready.

Remember that the goal is not to get them into school, but rather to get them out of school with a degree and a good experience.

A parent and teen can test their readiness to attend college by spending a semester or the first year at a local community college while living at home. Not having the distractions that come with living in a dormitory can help him or her succeed in college, build confidence and prepare for living away from home.

Sometimes, teens will believe they are ready for living away from home and attending college but parents aren't so sure. Parents should explain why they feel the teen needs more time. When talking with your child, use examples (from the last month to last six months) on why you believe they need more time at home. In addition to providing examples of why he or she may not be ready, give specifics on what behaviors are needed to show you he or she is ready. For example, talk about not getting out of bed each morning without someone helping, not handing in homework, not doing their own laundry, or not completing household chores. Write down measurable goals for your child to work toward to prove his or her independence.

Although teens and young adults may believe it is their life and parents no longer have a say in what he or she does, in reality, parents often pay for college or use their financial statements to secure loans or financial aid. Therefore, parents are still able to set the rules. Children must prove they are a worthy investment.

When Teens and Young Adults Choose not to Continue Treatment

For many parents, this area is especially difficult. Parents may want their child to continue taking medication or receiving another type of treatment. Parents may have seen the benefits of treatment and see the lack of focus and attention when treatment ends.

Instead of focusing on the treatment, focus instead on the end result. Review your expectations, such as having a job, paying for certain privileges, or completing chores around the house. If your child is able to keep up with these responsibilities without treatment, leave it be. If they are not able to, or are faltering, start over, setting expectations, reviewing expectations and creating consequences for not meeting those expectations.

Ari Tuckman is the author More Attention, Less Deficit: Success Strategies for Adults with ADHD.