What was the positive change in your behavior or behaviors? I became me. And that's saying a lot because when I began my so called "adult" years when I met and married my husband at age 18, I was pretty, wore nice clothes, drove a nice car, and was working, but didn't have any idea of who I was or who I would become.

My parents, both well educated - (nice people, really, and both ADD) -- really didn't know how to raise my brother and I because they themselves had both had there own difficulties growing up.

They were both raised by mothers who had each lost their mothers at an early age, one to serious illness, the other to death, and fathers who had successful professional careers and their own complexities, one was a functional alcoholic, the other battled intermittent episodes of psychosis. As a result, I, like them, had a lot of skills deficits to overcome.

What was your relationship with that person? (Parent, teacher, friend, religious or spiritual leader, spouse, acquaintance, child, boss, co-worker, writer, presenter, etc...) My husband, whom I am still married to. I chose him, because he was intelligent, kind, and a wonderful father. He already had two sons. I knew he would be a good parent to our children. And as it turns out, he has been an excellent father for our son. I don't know why he chose me. I'm glad he did.

How did this person influence you: by example, by sharing his or her knowledge, thoughts and/or ideas, something else, or a combination of two or more things? All of the above. He, like me, is what I refer to as a "natural helper". Early in our relationship, we focused on the children as we both pursued our own interests. We still do.

When responding to your request for advice, did this person use, "I" statements or "you" statements? My husband always uses "I" statements, and on occasion, he'll also recall favorite stories from the Bible. He rarely tells me what I should do. He almost always gives me the time and space I need to make my own decisions. In doing so, I have developed what I refer to as a strong inner voice. I don't need other people to make decisions for me, instead, I choose to consult other people as I weigh decisions. Then, more often than not, I make the decision and take responsibility for it.

Did the person hold you and others in high positive regard? Yes, despite my husband's ADD "quirkiness" - (like me, he has plenty) - he treats everyone equally with kindness, and he is highly regarded by all who know him.

Did they immediately and consistently acknowledge your positive behaviors? My husband tries to not give too much attention to my negative behaviors except, of course, when it comes to the children. Most of the time, he looks for and makes an effort to acknowledge what I am doing right.

How did the person respond when you were clearly doing something wrong or destructive? He will state and restate the "truth" as he knows it until I eventually "get it". He sometimes will go as far as saying, "I think you should really consider doing..." but that is rare.

As an example, I'd applied for a part-time job last year, and was called in for testing. Upon my arrival, I was greeted by a staff member that I knew somewhat but didn't like. As it turned out, she was the one I was replacing. During the testing, I found some of the instructions confusing. By the time I arrived home, I was in quite a state, and had decided to decline the job if offered it. My husband, who knew I had been looking for a job like this for a year and a half, and knew this job was likely a good match for our needs, said simply, "Take the job." I did, and as luck would have it, it is the best job I probably will ever have. Had the job been a bad experience, my husband knew I'd learn from it and find another job as I had in the past.

Was the person a good listener to you and/or others? Oh my gosh, when I look back and recall how much he listened to me, I'm embarrassed. I talked a lot back then. Well, I guess I still do.

I'd had a confusing childhood and found the world to be such an unaccommodating place at times. There was so much that I needed to sort and make sense of. I read a lot of self-help books, attended a lot of trainings and lectures, and I talked a lot, mostly to my husband, and good friends here and there that I somehow found every step of the way as I slowly, ever slowly moved closer to becoming an adult.

Did you feel understood by this person? Yes, I think for a long time he knew me better than I did. He always held so strongly to the person he knew I had the potential of becoming. But at the same time, he also accepted me as I was in the moment.

Did you respect, trust, and/or like this person? Yes and no. We are both horrible at short and long term financial planning.

My husband, like me, brought his own "baggage" into the relationship. His father was an alcoholic, though despite this, he was also very likable - (always had a story, a saying, or a joke) - and he was also innovative and nurturing. My husband adored him. Interestingly, my husband's father had lost his mother at a young age too and had spent most of his childhood "protecting" his two sisters by beating up boys who picked on them. He also was on the receiving end of beatings from his alcoholic father.

My husband's mother was studious. Formally a secretary to an elementary school principal, thought to not be able to have children herself, she became a mother late in life. From that point forward, she dedicated herself completely to my husband's religious, musical, and academic training, perhaps at the expense of her own health.

We know nothing of her parents, no pictures, nothing, they were never mentioned. We know only that she had a brother who strived to do his best in life, like his sister. She also instilled in my husband a strong work ethic. My husband grew up poor and worked to support the family from a young age.

Unfortunately, she was controlling to the point that my husband moved in with his girl friend's family - (she was a nice girl from a well-respected family) - at the age of 16 and from there went on to college. Sometime before this, his father had had a stroke and wasn't himself anymore. His mother, sadly, passed away three years later. I never had the opportunity to meet her. At the age of 19, my husband had to attend to the estate. He found money hidden throughout the house and used it to buy a car and put a down payment on his first house.

As a result, my husband, like me, has had his own issues to sort, make sense of, and ultimately overcome. We both had to face honestly our risk for alcoholism given our family history. Some things, he's still working on, again, like me. After more than 27 years we've settled into a relationship of mutual respect and acceptance, shared and individual interests.

When sharing information about him or herself and others and when sharing observations about your behavior, was the person always truthful, but at the same time kind, sensitive, and/or thoughtful? Always truthful, always kind, sensitive, and thoughtful.

What other helpful qualities did this person possess? I think in part, in reaction to his controlling mother, he committed himself early in his life to living his life and allowing others to live their lives as they choose. That's not to say that he allows people to harm or take advantage of him or others, or that he doesn't strive to influence his family, friends, and all whom he encounters. Rather, he lives his life moment to moment, and trusts that he will be able to handle whatever the day brings him.

Did you ever feel judged by this person or others, and what was your initial feeling or reaction? Rarely by my husband, but sometimes by others. When I feel judged, it can take days to sort what part of the problem I own, and what part of the problem they own, and then finally, what action I'm going to take. During this process, I almost always check in with my husband and with my friends to insure I'm not missing anything. It's a lot of work. It's exhausting for me. It's how I learn.

How did you feel in this person's presence? Safe, at home. Grateful to have connected with someone who shares my values and understands the importance of friendship and mutual support.