Hey Terry,
My reply to your question "Have you figured out what you'd like to do?" following your March 21 post, "Procrastination! Why We Do It and What We Can Do About It" led me to explore in writing some things that I'm thinking about right now.
My goals for this year fit under the categories of house, health, and finances. I am making good progress in the two latter categories but little progress with the house.
Knowing me, it's because I'm doing too much. Another possibility is that I need to hire someone to help me. Eventually I'll figure this out.
Seven people in my circle are in varying stages of treatment for cancer. They were all diagnosed within months of each other. As a result, I found myself thrust into the role of supporter, of my friends and their family and friends.
Overnight it seemed I had become a support group leader again but this time about a health issue that I knew almost nothing about. Talk about stress. And I hadn't facilitated a support group since 1999.
I was feeling lost and unsure of myself, then a friend signed me up for an online support group for mothers. Reading the posts, I was impressed by the quality and number of responses. I wanted to participate but no longer have children at home.
Then you sent out information on this forum to everyone on your email list. I dropped in and was moved by an early post by Stardust. I posted my first response, and, thankfully, Stardust replied. I then read almost all of the posts that have been posted to date. I liked the quality of Eileen's writing, and more recently, yours too Terry.
For the last eight weeks or so I've asked myself repeatedly: Why are you here? Why are you doing this? What are you getting out of it?
These are important questions because I pledged to myself almost ten years ago that I would never put the community ahead of my family again.
With me, it's never one thing.
I'm here because I need to be with those whom I affectionately refer to as "my people". I feel both safe and comforted in the presence of ADD adults. By supporting people here, I feel more confident in my ability to support my dear friends who are going through cancer treatment.
But it's more than that. I haven't worked at this level of supporting people for ten years. I forgot how much I enjoy it, how deeply meaningful it is for me.
For the last couple of years I've been moving toward a career as an administrative assistant. But I have a problem. While I like being in a support role, I don't particularly like learning how to use new software, I don't enjoy managing data and files, and it frustrates me to be excluded from the fascinating work that my bosses and coworkers are doing. I don't want to file the information about the clients. I want to be the one working with the clients.
Reading and responding to posts here these last two months both stimulates and centers me. I'm thinking really hard about going back to school to train as a social worker or counselor. I'm just not sure how to make this work.
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Grandma Lise,
First, I need to apologize for taking so long to comment on your post. Usually I try to keep up with the posts here and respond timely, but sometimes, life just gets in the way.
Second, I have to tell you that I am so glad that you found this forum and feel that you have found a home here. I look forward to reading your insightful and thoughtful responses and you are just so good at it! So, whatever reasons brought you here and for whatever reasons you stay, you have blessed all of us with your presence!
Long ago someone told me, "You are in the exact spot in your life that you are supposed to be in. Embrace this spot. Know that everything you have done in your life, everything you have experienced, both good and bad, have brought you to this moment. From here, you have endless choices of how to go forward and where to go." I live my life remembering this, I do not look back and wonder "what if" because without those past experiences, I would not be here.
Throughout my life, I have had so many "transitioning" times I have lost count. I have started numerous businesses, some which have been moderately successful, some which never got off the ground. I have worked in too many jobs to count, and in just as many different industries. But each one has provided me with experience and knowledge. I know now that these times were just leading up to now. I know that throughout them I learned about what I liked to do and what I did not like to do. I learned what I was willing to accept, even if I didn't like it and what I was not willing to accept.
For you, maybe your many journeys have made you so good at helping others. Maybe your many experiences have allowed you to glimpse into other people's lives and know what they need to help them. It seems that even when you do not specifically choose to help others, you are placed in the situation anyway. Maybe it doesn't matter that you can't see the end result or how it can work, maybe the leap toward what you love to do and what you are good at is the first step. Maybe the other steps will fall into place once you have chosen your first step. Sometimes, life works out that way. Either way, once you begin a journey, you never really know where it will take you. It is faith that keeps us moving forward. And forward is always good.
As far as the house, well, I can't say that has ever been on the top of my priority list. Nowadays my house looks pretty good (at least the few rooms we live in most of the time) on Saturday mornings when I gather the family up to do a "clean up." For the rest of the week, it is what it is. There are just too many other important things in my life, as long as we are together and happy, well, the house can wait until tomorrow (and you know what they say about tomorrow). If it gets really bad, I'll invite someone over and that motivates my husband to clean up!
I am not sure if I have provided you with any answers or any help. Just wanted to let you know some of my thoughts and experiences (by the way, Thank you so much for your compliment about my writing, it meant a lot to me!)
Eileen
Hey Eileen,
I've wanted the opportunity to get back to you for days, but I've had an unusual number of demands on my time this week.
Everything you shared feels true for me too. Thank you.
A few years ago, I attended a lecture by Susan M. Quattrociocchi, Ph.D. on how to help your high school student discover their inborn talents and plan for their careers.
It was a good lecture. As she explained that there are many paths to a career - (not just a four year degree) - I became increasingly impatient. My thoughts were, "Yes, I agree, but how do you figure out what talents your child has and what career they should choose? I haven't figured this out for myself yet, and I'm in my 40's! This is easier said than done!"
A parent finally stood up and asked the question. And much to my delight, she had an answer.
For the previous five years or so, she had been studying the happiness research. What she gleaned from that research is to "Do what makes your heart glad."
She then gave us a simple exercise to do daily, multiple times a day even. Here's the questions: "What am I doing?"; "Who am I doing it with?"; How am I feeling, as I do the task and as I do it with the person I am with, on a scale of 1 - 5?" or "How engaged, motivated do I feel?"
She went on to explain that by asking and answering these questions on a regular basis, we will learn what we like, what we don't like, what we're good at, and what we're not good at, who we like to spend time with, and who we don't like to spend time with. This is, of course, almost what you said word for word.
She also explained that we are all born with inborn talents and that our challenge is to identify those inborn talents and then to increase our skill level with training and practice.
I attended that lecture three or four years ago. I've been asking and answering those questions ever since. It continues to help me.
What I learned is that I deeply enjoy listening to people's stories, but more than that, I enjoy joining with them and supporting them in their process of becoming who they are meant to be.
I thought up until recently that I could be satisfied doing this as an advocate, but then two things happened in one day that shifted my thinking.
I was at work. A psychology student arrived at our Center to meet with a client. He hadn't scheduled the meeting so we had a schedule conflict. Complicating matters further, the client was late.
We began talking and I learned that he was well on his way to becoming a counselor and joining his father's counseling practice in a nearby community. He expressed how nervous he felt at the prospect of beginning to work with people as he completes his training. I identified strongly with what he said. My sense after talking with him was that he would do just fine.
Later on that day, at my afternoon job in Human Resources, I was catching up on my filing when I suddenly found myself asking, "What are you doing?" and "What does this have to do with what you enjoy doing?"
For the first time I finally got that I'm just as capable as the people I'm working for, that the only difference between us is that they've done the work to earn the positions they are in and I haven't. That was the moment I decided to go back to school to study psychology.
I have no idea what I'm going to do with the degree. I used to think that if you study psychology you have to become a counselor. I realize now how silly that is. In our Human Resources office, each staff member comes from a different background: social work, business, medical office management, law, computer science, etc.
I'm open to the idea of becoming a counselor but I'm also open to seeing where the journey takes me.
I began reading psychology articles when I was a teenager. Don't know what drove this interest, it was just always there and continues today.
I come from a family of engineers, both sides. My father trained as a chemist but worked as a technical writer. He enjoyed reading about archeology and anthropology. My mother trained in Biology but dedicated much of her adult life to the arts. She painted, directed and acted in community theater, and played the accoustic guitar. I later learned that her grandfather and great grandfather were Congregational Ministers. Perhaps there's a connection there too. I don't know. I guess it's enough to say, what is, is.
Thanks Eileen for sharing your personal experiences. It's validating to know that I'm not the only one who has worked in a wide variety of jobs and industries. I too feel each of those jobs played an important role in getting to the place I am today.
Grandma Lise