Our journey into ADHD begins

By ali Tuesday, April 13, 2010

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I have two boys, they are both smart, funny, cuddly, goofy, and cute as hell. They are very different boys with very different temperament's. My oldest though, something was different.

I knew what it was, I suspected for a while, but hoped it was just immaturity, that he would grow out of it, boys will be boys and all that. It has not gone away. I'm watching the most charismatic, charming, smart little boy, turn into the "bad kid". The kid who just does not go along, the kid who is not happy when everyone else is happy, the kid whose name is always being yelled in my house, who sometimes tantrums. He is always getting into things, he does not follow the rules. I suspected he had ADHD. I spoke to my pede about it, he said he was too young to be evaluated, that the age was 6. He was 4 1/2, we had a long way to go.

This week the word that kept popping into my head was Disruptive. He is disruptive. To his environment, to our home life. My husband was beyond frustrated with him, and had resorted to a stance of either yelling at him or cuddling with him. When he yelled "Will, you don't listen!" again, my heart started to break a little bit-I have yelled those same words over and over, but I was starting to understand that it may not be his fault.

I'm familiar with ADHD, my brother who is 14 months younger than me was diagnosed officially as an adult. He is taking meds now and has told me "Ali, this is amazing, I've never felt like this, it's all just gone, and I can do what I want to do. " Our house when we were children though sounded like no one liked him, with his name being yelled every 35 seconds for some other destructive or annoying thing he was doing. I don't want that for my son.

I don't want him to go to school and decide it's a bad thing. I'm afraid of him starting kindergarten and having a hard time doing what he is supposed to, of being as disruptive there as he is here.

I'm afraid of a really close relationship between my son and his father turning into a negative one. I have been watching it happen. While my husband did not respond well to the initial news, today I already see a change in the way he is handling Will, it makes a big difference when someone tells you that your kid is not just a bratty kid who does not listen, but a kid who CAN'T listen.

So far all we have done is the initial interview, which was me answering a ton of questions about my kid, how he behaves, how he eats, how he sleeps, how he handles stress, how he tantrums. Based on my answer I was told "ADHD is there" they want to check him for other mood disorders. That sent me into a panic. I'm still trying to wrap my mind around ADHD, what that means for my kid, my family and my parenting, and you want add new stuff to the mix?

I do not want to medicate my kid, says my gut. The Doctor we met with said that we can try behavioral stuff, but it usually does not work, even if you have a great plan, these kids do not have the impulse control to follow it. You need the meds to follow the plan. At this point I'm trying to keep an open mind, but I feel a little sick. My head is screaming 'He's not even 5 for another two weeks!!! NO,NO, NO!!!! '

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Comments (4) | Add comment

Merely Me, Health Guide

4/14/10 5:34pm

Oh Ali! First of all...Big Hug.

I am so glad you have found us here. So many of the parents here including myself and Eileen know what you may be going through. For me...it was the diagnosis of autism for my youngest son. It is so hard to hear the words that mean that your child has a lifelong challenge.

And you wonder things like...is this the same child? What will the future be like? Will he survive? Will we survive as a family? How do I cope?

I want to give you hope...there is so much you can do to help your child and just think...you have identified his ADHD early on....this is so good in terms of early intervention.

On the topic of meds...I understand where you are coming from. When they are that young...you wonder...what medications may do to the developing brain. You wonder about side effects. It can be an anxiety provoking time. For my son...I did not delve into medication until he was nearly 12. I was an educator and therapist in the field of special education...for many years...and I saw how meds could help but also...the drawbacks. I wanted to use other tactics and strategies first...and I did for many years. But then when we tried a medication for my son...I did wonder about what life would have been like for him and us...had we tried it earlier. For my son, medication has really helped. But it is a very personal, emotional, and...difficult issue.

I think personally...that you should wait until you are comfortable making such a decision. Research the heck out of all the possible options. Take the time to really know your plan.

Anyways...I could go on and on...but did want to reach out to you parent to parent and let you know that you can rely upon us for support and information and resources.

Please keep writing and sharing with us...save this post...I have some of my first posts I wrote on support groups...and I treasure them. This is the beginning of a long journey...filled with struggle, surprises, and also much joy.

Thank you so much for sharing with us. Let us know if you have any questions about anything...we are here for you!

Jodi

4/15/10 8:55am

My 3 1/2 year old son has displayed challenging behaviours since he was 18 months old. Of course everybody told me he was just a normal busy boy and as a first time mum I tood their word for it thinking "God I didnt knoe being a parent was so hard!". We struggled along until we were nearly at breaking point - I was pregnant with our 2nd child and the 1st one's behavious seemed to be escalating - we were exhausted! After my 2nd son was born we went for his 6wk checkup with the Paed. While there I mentioned what was happening with my eldest son so he referred us to a child psychologist. LOTS of sticker reward chatrts and similar things later he was assessed as being of high intelligence for his age and it was obvious there were signs of ADHD also. Back to the Paed we were sent to discuss our options. I was SO anti medication but the Dr was of the belief that it was worth a trial run. He told me that it's difficult to diagnose ADHD in children so young - He is only 3 !! In saying that on this visit in particular my son bounced around every wall in that office that day! I took the prescription in tears - this couldnt happen to my son, this was not part of the family dream! I never got that medication from the Pharmacy for weeks and when I did it sat in the cupboard for more weeks. When I finally couldnt take the day I was living I started the meds - I didnt like what I saw to start with - he seemed a bit too spaced out and almost seemed afraid of how he was feeling. After a few days of this I decided to reduce the meds to half dose. This was better, didnt space him out just took the edge off. OH MY GOD OUR LIVES CHANGED ALMOST OVERNIGHT!! Yes there were a few side affects initially, he lost his appetite for a while and his sleep was a bit disrupted but this came right within a few weeks. We felt after a couple months that the dosage needed to be increased to the original recommendation which the Paed agreed on. Nearly 6mths has gone by and life is so much better for us. Sure we still have our challenging days particularly if my son is overtired but we're all grotty and hard to get along with when we're tired right? My beautiful clever funny boy is nearly 4 now and I hold onto hope that he will go on to lead a nornal happy & sucessful life

ali

4/15/10 10:35am

Thank you both for your support. I started writing a blog about this, but decided to cross post here, as I really need to talk to people who have done this. Quite honestly, the forums that are out there are scaring the heck out of me. Maybe because I am so new to this, but more overwhelming than helpful.

I'm hoping to make some friends here, and learn from all of your experience, you have no idea how much I value your responses.

Nasne's mom

4/16/10 3:57am

Just a couple of thoughts: I finally got to the place where either my son needed meds or I did, at least that was my joke at the time. I was a human jungle gym for constant motion and attention and physical battering. I was the only one that could understand what my 5 year old was talking about (after 2 years of speech therapy and special needs preschool). Also at 5 years old, he knew all the numbers to 20, but could only actually count to 3 with any consistency. I wasn't sure that meds were the right thing either. However, I clearly remember the first day that my son took meds (right around age 5) was the first day he put 2 sentences together on the same topic. He spoke his first "paragraph"! This reduced the mental gymnastics needed to catch up to where he was for every sentence! Between that and speak delays, no wonder nobody else could understand anything he said until he had meds and could concentrate on learning to speak clearly. Also, once he took the meds, he could also observe how other children his age behaved and could then "fake" that behavior even without taking the meds (even if he wasn't really learning anything). So now, at age 12, he takes meds during school time. He has basically caught up with his peers academically. No more need of special IEPs, classroom aids, just some special accommodations for anxiety, etc. In our experience, taking the meds early allowed him to start to catch up with his peers. Maybe our case was more severe. ADHD is different for every child. My son also had developmental delays and has anxiety issues as well. There is no point in spending a lot of effort separating out which caused which (if there is cause/affect here). You just need to trust your instincts and make the best decision you can with the info you have available.

Our journey into ADHD begins

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