Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Gathering information

By ali Thursday, April 15, 2010

I feel like since we went to that interview appointment. I have been fixated on ADHD.

I've done a lot of reading, which alone is a stressful experience. Try googling ADHD...and get inundated with links to all kinds of things that may or may not be anything more than someones opinion. I have found a few links that seem to be reputable... CHADD, parents of children with adhd both have forums. The thing is when I go into these forums, I do not find support so much as they scare the heck out of me.

I'm reading people referring to their child as "my ADHD" in all fairness, maybe that is shorthand forum speak, but my mind rejects that and screams-you mean your child! How do you refer to your child as a bunch of initials?  I'm reading about kids on meds to treat ADHD, and then more meds to treat the side effects. About kids with poor appetites, who aren't able to sleep without help.  I'm a nurse. I understand that while meds are extremely helpful to people, all have side effects. I just cannot imagine my son dealing with that. I want to help make managing his life easier for him, not add things that make him physically feel worse.

One thing that I found that was very helpful was this free suite 101 course parenting ADHD children, so far I have read about half of it, but that took three hours, while I took notes and cut and paste some worksheets into my email for easy locating. The opening paragraph described my life so directly I knew I had finally found something helpful.


Parenting ADHD Children


Introduction


You are going to be late for work - again! You have already spent 20 minutes cajoling, yelling, and threatening your son to get out of bed, get dressed and eat breakfast so he won't miss the school bus - again! He has dawdled, gotten distracted with toys, can't find his clothes, or his schoolbooks. He is moody, grumpy, and belligerent. You are angry, frustrated and wonder how long you will be able to continue the reminding, threatening, and punishing before your child finally "learns" what he is supposed to do! You've tried every parenting technique you can think of. Your friends and family have a ready list of new options for you to try. "If only you would do this!" or "You must be doing something wrong!" It doesn't help. You're tired, frustrated and have a sinking feeling that there are no solutions, that it will only get worse, and that you are trapped! What's worse, nobody seems to understand. Everybody thinks you're a bad parent. But you know you are working hard at being a good parent. Even your parents don't understand how hard you work at this. There are days you hate your child, then immediately feel guilty and remorseful. "How can I hate him? He was my baby who I cuddled and loved. How can this be happening? What am I doing wrong? Maybe, I just need to try harder..."

This is my life, with the exception of my William is a poor sleeper and beats us out of bed every morning of his life, he wakes up between 4 and 5 am.

I have been doing lots and lots of talking with family, with my husband. Kind of prepping them for what I think (what I know) is coming. I know my husbands entire parenting style, is wrong. Or wrong for dealing with a child with these particular issues. I also know I can't tell him that, so I'm waiting for him to hear from people who are "professionals".  I spoke to my mother in law, and as luck would have it, she has seen Will acting up twice this week. It is hard to have anything to say when you see how out of control this kid can be sometimes. She was wonderful, and open and ready to see what the evaluations say, and that is all I can ask for at this stage of the game. 

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide
4/15/10 8:04pm

Thanks for your post and welcome to ADHDCentral.com.

 

I have an adult son with ADHD and I can remember exactly when he was diagnosed and what was going on. I can tell you that all parents of children with ADHD have felt the same as you at some point. And although we may have wondered why we asked the question, we also know it wasn't the asking that caused the problem. You are the mother, you do know your son and yes, we have all doubted ourselves during this confusing time. But always remember, your know your child better than anyone.

 

Sometimes, children react differently in different situations so the fact that he does not act out at school doesn't mean that you are imaging things. Continue to go through the evaluation process and see what comes of it. Often, children with ADHD aren't diagnosed until school age because this is when they are required to sit for longer periods and pay attention and these become difficult tasks.

 

As far as parenting, my husband and I needed to learn a whole new way of parenting. After my son was diagnosed, we relied heavily on positive reward programs, such as charts with stickers.

 

I am giving you some links to some additional information you may find useful:

 

Diagnosing ADHD in Children

Questions to Ask Your Doctor Before Beginning Medication

So You Think Your Child Has ADHD

Who Can Diagnose and Treat ADHD?

Tips for Parents When a Child is Diagnosed with ADHD

 

I wouldn't worry about treatment or medication or not medication until after you have a diagnosis.

 

I hope this helps. Please keep us posted on the results of the evaluation.

 

Eileen

4/15/10 9:28pm

Thank you eileen and Jodi.

 

Eileen, I am exploring those links, and it is very reassuring to hear the process your family went through.

 

Jodi-I keep reading that it has to happen in more than one setting, so it was very helpful to hear that wasn't the case for your son.

 

Our next appt is in a few days, but before that I have to throw the big 5 yr old birthday party, so we are busy busy. I so appreciate you both taking an interest in me and my family.

CRegal, Editor
4/16/10 9:45am

Just as a side note, CHADD are great people, who were affiliated with us at HealthCentral for a long time.  If there is anyone out there who you can trust, it is them.

4/15/10 9:12pm

I too have faced the carers and supervisors at my sons daycare centre telling me that there is nothing wrong with his behaviour while in their care.  In fact they looked at me like I was mad!  After we sought medical help I decided not to tell them for a while - I didnt want him labelled and I wanted to see if they noticed any difference in him after starting medication.  They didnt.  When I told them they were supportive as they could see how upset it made me just to say the words, but all the while I felt they were thinking "What is she doing to this child, there is nothing wrong with him!".  Whether this was true or just me punishing myself I dont know?  It was awful to tell them but I felt I had an obligation to as they care for him 2 days per week.  I dont tell many people though, I say it's to protect him from being labelled but perhaps I'm ashamed?  I dont know.

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By ali— Last Modified: 12/19/10, First Published: 04/15/10