Alright, deep breath.
Today was my son's first part of his evaluation. Yesterday he turned 5, it's been a big week.
I was surprised as soon as walked into the little office and shut the door to be told I was leaving my son there, alone. He seemed cool with it, so I reminded him where I would be, and went back out to waiting room. Then I broke into a full on panic. I don't leave my son alone with people I don't know, like, ever. This is based on my personal history, not my sons feelings about it. I texted a friend of mine who reassured me that he was fine, safe, and yes it would be disruptive to go back and ask they leave the door open. I was told it would be 40 minutes, it seemed to go by faster. When I walked into the room, I shut the door, and went to sit at the desk. I was quickly told, "Oh don't sit, we aren't talking now." So stunned I stood back up, and continued to stand for the 10 minutes of talking that followed. (I'm sorry I just thought that was weird)
He holds up a picture he had Will draw of his family, and he had labeled. It showed my husband, very tall center of page, Will to left almost as big as his dad, my father in law to the right, smaller than both of them, then another person, I forgot who, then Ben, his little brother very small up near the right corner, and finally me, tiny, in the very corner, furthest away from Will. I was told that this showed the bond between Will and my husband-yeah, I knew that! He thinks his dad is the best. man. ever. He told me that Will's fine motor skills were behind, but he doesn't spend much time drawing, and when he does its a quick scribble before he runs of to something else. So, again not a surprise.
He told me that Will has problems with memory, that unless its about trucks or toys, or something that he likes, he doesn't retain it. Also not following directions, again things I knew. He said we were going to have to watch him closely in kindergarten and first grade, because he was not going to be thinking about what he was supposed to be. I have been worried about this.
He touched on some behavioral things, not following directions, knowing he should not be doing something, but doing it anyway, then being mad when he got in trouble-or specifically "when daddy yells at me" then sad when he knew why he wasn't supposed to do it. He said that was all normal, he was concerned about the memory stuff and lack of attention. They also discussed how we as a family are annoying but he likes us anyway-a typical will statement, also that school is boring, and he gets mad when he has to go, again, not new-I have to fight that kid into his clothes every day and out the door.
Next week we go back for the cognitive part. So after all of this, I'm bummed. The only thing I was told today that was new was the fine motor piece, but that makes perfect sense to me. I guess on some level I was hoping he would charm them like he does with everyone else, they would tell me he was a good kid, but there were things to be fixed. Instead all the things I have been worried about were confirmed and said back to me, by someone who spent 40 minutes with my child. That is hard to swallow, and then even more fun to explain over and over and over again.
Ali
First, let me say, "What a great mother you are!" It is wonderful that you are willing to seek out help if there is something you don't understand or feel you can be doing better! Your son will be so much better off in life, because of your attitude. Keeping up the communication with your husband (even when he doesn't want to) will really help you both to understand what is going on and what you can do, together, to help your son.
The evaluation time is scary. You aren't sure what to expect or what is coming next or even how the evaluation process works. I don't blame you for being worried or concerned, but you made it through the hardest part: the first time. I agree, though, the part about not sitting down was kind of strange, but maybe the doctor had another appointment and wanted to start out this way so it didn't end with a long, long conversation, as I am sure you have many questions. You may want to get a notebook and write down questions as you think of them. It is so easy to get nervous and forget what you want to ask. Having a notebook with you can help you remember what you want to go over so you don't leave the appointment thinking, "Oh, I meant to ask..."
A diagnosis of ADHD (if that is how it ends up) does not take away from any of the positive traits your son has, and you are right, it is those positives that you want to build from. Although originally written for older children/adults, you might want to look at:
ADHD - The Positive Side of ADHD
ADHD - Top Ten Positive Things about ADHD
These can help to remind you that traits such as impulsive or inattentive or hyperactive don't necessarily have to be all negative. You can help to develop these traits to be used positively in your son's life.
Let us know how it goes next week, and, as always, if you have other questions, please post them so we can help you through this.
Eileen