Guilt and adhd

The most difficult thing about adult adhd is the guilt, for me at least. I managed to get through school okay, I've been in the same job field now for so long that I have learned to utilize my multitasking and creative idea skills to their full advantage (as long as nothing really rocks the boat!), and my husband has been with me long enough to not think twice about my forgetfulness. Thank goodness he has also been so tolorant of my explosive outbursts when I can't find something! We waited so long to have children, only to learn that we couldn't. But then we adopted our daughter, and when they placed her in my arms it was the happiest moment of my life!! And then my struggles really began! I never imagined how hard it would be to suddenly have to be respondsible for someone, and I felt so incapable! I still do a lot of the time. Just when I finally got the whole mothering an infant/toddler thing down, she started school. Now I feel like the "black sheep" of the home room mothers. I'm so completely overwhelmed by the addition of school fundraisers, homework assignments (even in kindergarten!), school programs! I even quit my full time job to work part-time so I could simplify my life but it's harder this year because I don't even have the excuse of work to explain why I don't volunteer to monitor recess. I dread taking her to her school friends' birthday parties because the parents all know each other and I can't even remember anyone's name! A lot of them go to the same church. (She goes to Catholic school because it's a private school. We're not of the Catholic faith.)

I'm trying to learn all I can about adhd and bipolar (I have that too) but I tend to get hyperfocused on it and will stay up all night researching, although I'm trying to use a timer now. I've got a day planner and a voice recorder to capture all those random but sometimes usefull thoughts that pop into my head when I'm driving or taking a shower. I'm seeing a therapist and psyc. for med management. Stimulant medications are tricky with bipolar disorder. I'm trying lots of things to better manage my life. But some days, like today, I look around at all the disorganization and chaos in my life and I feel like it doesn't matter what I do, I will always be fighting to keep my head just above water, and it makes me so tired. I would love to know that there is one person out there who completely knows what this is like!