Backstory: The Process leading up to Looking in the Mirror pt 2

As I left off of my last part of the story summer was upon me which brought with it highs and lows for me. The beginning of the summer brought with it a lot of fun for me, I was hanging out with my good friends and working regularly on the weekends. I was a little upset on the hours I was getting and was trying to gain more hours anyway possible. Then the end of June came and an accident at work occurred and left me with a torn ligament in my right thumb. I ended up having to get a cast on my hand and eventually a brace for it. That was a major bump in the road for my depression and gave it new life. My thumb cost me a lot of hours at work because working at canoe rental and wearing a cast left you with the only work being able to do was parking detail. That cost me a lot of hours and in return a lot of money that I should've made. It also had cost me emotionally because it made me feel inferior to everyone else. It made me very frustrated because I knew I was good enough to do something more but because I was hurt I couldn't do anything and the fact that my family really needed money made it worse. 

July and August felt like the exact same thing for me, it was an emotional roller coster or at least it felt like it. I was still able to hangout with my friends and have a good time. Or at least I thought I could, there would be random times when complete sadness and guilt would come over me and I couldn't explain why it happened. There were many days where I was completely miserably and I wished when I was driving that I would die in a car crash. I would hope of someone colliding with me and make the process of death happen for me. There would be times when I was literally half a second away from driving off the road behind my subdivision and crashing into a telephone pole. Every single time I was so close to doing it but something always held me back from doing it. I know it was my faith in God that kept me from doing it. But sadly there are times still when I have guilt or regret about where I made the right decision in not going through with it. The end of August came and I somehow did end up surviving the summer with my friends at my side. They had no clue the internal battles I was having within myself along with the people I love the most my family. I kept up my facade as much as possible building my barriers as high as I could. 

My father had just undergone a total hip replacement surgery which put a lot of stress upon me and the rest of the family. Time had finally came for me to move into college which brought a lot of things good and bad which is where I leave off until the next part.

I know it has been awhile since my first post, I started a couple weeks ago and just now found the time to finish it.