Finally admitting I have ADHD

I guess I have always had ADHD I just didn't know it. I look back now and see some of the the signs; boredom at school, hyperfocus on things that interested me, inappropriate behavior, etc. I just didn't have the hyperactivity component that most people think is required to have ADHD. I understand now that a lot of women don't, so we are more frequently misdiagnosed, under diagnosed, or overlooked until in crisis. Most people who reach adulthood with undiagnosed ADHD don't even need treatment, or even know they have ADHD as they have developed coping mechanisms that allow them to function within the parameters of normalcy. They have found jobs that appeal to the need for change, or conversely, jobs that provide the structure needed to focus on what's important. Regardless, I am an adult who hit a point of non functionality and through it found a diagnosis of ADHD.

I have been able to compensate adequately publicly (privately I've been on anti-depressants for years) my whole life until I had children, their chaos has vastly outstripped whatever subconscious coping-skills I had developed. I had no idea what was really going on I just knew my anti-depressant wasn't cutting it anymore and functioning much beyond daily routine was impossible. My new psychiatrist (we had just moved = more chaos) asked some fairly pointed questions at our first visit, ones I had not been asked before. Most docs have stuck with chronic depression as a dx for me and closed the book, this new doctor, however, declared me ADHD. I laughed at him (really, I did) and said it was not possible because I managed a 4.0 in college and frequently read books in one sitting, not what I understood an ADHD person to be capable of because of hyperactivity. I'm not hyperactive, I don't bounce off walls. I love organization, I just can't get it together right now that's all. He kinda gave me a smug smile and suggested I continue my Zoloft but consider a trial of Adderall when I was ready. He said it was fairly simple to rule-out ADHD. If I reacted in an overly hyper way to a small dose of Adderall we could be fairly certain I was not ADHD and move on to other possibilities.  

We tabled the topic for a fairly long time after the initial discussion, I was still breastfeeding my baby so stimulant medication was an absolute no until I weaned him. I was in no hurry either thinking my Doc was full of poo. At our usual 3 month med checks for Zoloft he would ask about my progress with Adderall but every time I said I had still not started it yet. Frankly, the thought of stimulant medication scared the crap out of me.  Finally, a year and a half later (I had filled the scrip right after our first appointment and left it sitting, untouched, on the top of the refrigerator for over a year!) I was ready. 

The first dose, 5mg almost put me to sleep. I was shocked out of my socks to say the least. I could not believe I wasn't bouncing around the house like I was at a rave, no matter what the dose. The next day I did 5mg again to see if the reaction would be the same, no drowsiness but nothing else either. Not possible. So, at the next visit after gradually increasing my medication, per instruction, to a therapeutic dose, I had to eat crow and tell Dr. Smug he was right. He handled it well and did not rub it in but boy, did I feel like an ass.