Now, at 15mg 2x a day I am calm and focused again. Any more than that dose and yes, I'm overstimulated but at this dose I feel like a functioning person again.
Seeing it from the other side, so to speak, I can now see what I was trying to do and why I've been having such a difficult time lately. My mind has always tried to hold on to everything at once. If I have an organized life there is a finite amount of tasks to accomplish which, with the help of a list, I can keep track of and get done. All the other things are organized, I know where they are or at what state they are at so I can dismiss them and focus on the tasks at hand. I had systems for everything, I knew where everything was and could tell anyone how to get it. I was a bit annoying with my lists and organization I'm sure, but it worked for me.
Then I had kids.
In no way have I been able to keep up with the chaos kids bring. My husband functions fine on chaos so he's not had a problem with our new state of being and has a hard time understanding why I loose it so easily. The problem is my mind is still trying to hold on to everything but I don't know where it all is anymore. Thinking about one task triggers every other task possible to clamor for attention in my mind, and there are a lot of tasks. An analogy. My mental closet used to be organized, I could open the door, see shelves of neatly organized "stuff", get what I need and move on. Now, the closet is overflowing with junk, too much stuff crammed everywhere. So, when I open the door I cannot grab just one thing, it all comes out on me at once and I cannot function. For the past few years, good days not withstanding, I've been functioning on a very basic level, I get through the day and that's about it. It's been very frustrating to be overwhelmed at the thought of the smallest task, not being able to block the cacophony of thought regarding everything else. I could not overcome this through sheer will and it was driving me nuts.
Adderall has helped me calm and focus in such a way that the cacophony is still there, but I can select what I want to pay attention to and what I want to ignore for the time being. I don't know what will happen down the line, stay medicated versus weaning off versus increasing dosage if my body learns to tolerate the current dose, only time will tell, but for now Adderall is helping me just BE.
No way to contact you.
AND, I just digressed.
I am so glad that you have found ADHDCentral.com and welcome you to our community. There is a great deal of information here and we continuously add more information so there are lots of reasons to come back often and see what new information has been added.
We have an extensive section on Adult ADD and Terry Matlen offers a wonderful perspective on living with ADD
Adult ADD
I enjoyed reading your story and am looking forward to hearing about your journey as you continue to learn about ADD and find ways to improve and enhance your life as well as find out the many ways that ADD be a blessing.
Eileen Bailey
Thank you! I have been poking around a lot on this site both for myself and my son who was just diagnosed as well. Because of sites like this and further educating myself we have recognized that his behavior has not been entirely just a product of his age and there is a way to help him rather than just disipline him.
I will follow the link you provided, thank you!
Brandi