Burbomom1

I have been in a marriage of 20 years with a man who has ADHD and is in complete, violent denial about it.  Because I grew up with so little self-esteem I figured this was the normal course of events; you marry someone and as long as they don't physically abuse you then you suck up and put up with all the emotional abuse they hurl at you.

Well, I am 52 years old and finally SICK of it, and him.  The only reason I stay is because we have a daughter and I'd like her to finish her remaining 2-1/2 years of high school before I cut loose.  I have absolutely no love in my heart for him any longer but boy, can I fake it good.  He has no idea.  Because of his impulsivity and bad judgement we have just had to put our house up for sale.  We are in bad debt because of him and yet he blames it all on me.  I am the root of all of his problems.  I have been terribly depressed and unhappy for so very, very long and comtemplated suicide so often that I truly can't remember a time when I was really happy.  I plan my suicide well:  no one around me has any inkling whatsoever what goes through my mind.  As I have no health insurance any longer I cannot see the counselor and psychiatrist who had been helping me work through this.  So I have taken matters into my own hands.  I registered at a local community college to take classes in medical transcription and should be done and working in that field in about 26 months.  If our daughter wants to come live with me that's fine; if she chooses her dad instead I truly don't care.  Right now all I am concerned about is my own self-preservation.  So many family members and friends tell me how "worried" they are about me but it's all empty talk.  No one really cares at all in the long run.  I've learned the hard way, and I am quite bitter too, that the ONLY person who is ever going to truly love and care for you is YOU.  Most friends run and hide when they learn of your troubles.  This is what mine have done.  I do not want to kill myself but truly, I can't find any other way out.  I am giving myself the opportunity to work and see if I can pull myself out of this Stygian hell of a life but I don't feel very optimistic.

My advice to every single person who is involved with a person who has ADD or ADHD and is not getting help is this:  RUN, far away as you can, and cut off all ties from that person before they belittle you so very much that you self confidence is gone.  Do not try to help them and certainly don't waste any empathy or pity on them.  THEY ARE THE SICK ONES, NOT YOU.  Remember that you are a beautiful person with much to give to others who appreciate and love you and GET OUT OF THE ABUSE THAT THESE SICK PEOPLE DUMP ON YOU.  They are scared little boys and girls and are trying to make you feel as frightened and worthless as they feel.  DO NOT LET THEM!  I almost let this jerk I'm married to do this to me.