I have been in a marriage of 20 years with a man who has ADHD and is in complete, violent denial about it. Because I grew up with so little self-esteem I figured this was the normal course of events; you marry someone and as long as they don't physically abuse you then you suck up and put up with all the emotional abuse they hurl at you.
Well, I am 52 years old and finally SICK of it, and him. The only reason I stay is because we have a daughter and I'd like her to finish her remaining 2-1/2 years of high school before I cut loose. I have absolutely no love in my heart for him any longer but boy, can I fake it good. He has no idea. Because of his impulsivity and bad judgement we have just had to put our house up for sale. We are in bad debt because of him and yet he blames it all on me. I am the root of all of his problems. I have been terribly depressed and unhappy for so very, very long and comtemplated suicide so often that I truly can't remember a time when I was really happy. I plan my suicide well: no one around me has any inkling whatsoever what goes through my mind. As I have no health insurance any longer I cannot see the counselor and psychiatrist who had been helping me work through this. So I have taken matters into my own hands. I registered at a local community college to take classes in medical transcription and should be done and working in that field in about 26 months. If our daughter wants to come live with me that's fine; if she chooses her dad instead I truly don't care. Right now all I am concerned about is my own self-preservation. So many family members and friends tell me how "worried" they are about me but it's all empty talk. No one really cares at all in the long run. I've learned the hard way, and I am quite bitter too, that the ONLY person who is ever going to truly love and care for you is YOU. Most friends run and hide when they learn of your troubles. This is what mine have done. I do not want to kill myself but truly, I can't find any other way out. I am giving myself the opportunity to work and see if I can pull myself out of this Stygian hell of a life but I don't feel very optimistic.
My advice to every single person who is involved with a person who has ADD or ADHD and is not getting help is this: RUN, far away as you can, and cut off all ties from that person before they belittle you so very much that you self confidence is gone. Do not try to help them and certainly don't waste any empathy or pity on them. THEY ARE THE SICK ONES, NOT YOU. Remember that you are a beautiful person with much to give to others who appreciate and love you and GET OUT OF THE ABUSE THAT THESE SICK PEOPLE DUMP ON YOU. They are scared little boys and girls and are trying to make you feel as frightened and worthless as they feel. DO NOT LET THEM! I almost let this jerk I'm married to do this to me.
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I can hear the hurt, anger, sadness and fright in your post. Having said that, I also have to say that it is not always the way it is for you.
I too have been married for 20 years and am not very happy. The difference is that I am the one with ADD and I have 2 sons with ADHD. That doesn't mean that my husband is wonderful or that he doesn't have a short temper. He snaps over the littlest things and yells at me like I am one of his kids. Dealing with this and ADD just makes life that much harder. But my point is still that ADD or not, some people are just bastards and I find it offensive that you would tell the general public that if they were involved with me to run, because I work very hard to manage my relationships and my life and don't abuse people while doing it.
Number one my 11 year old son has ADHD and if he read something like this he could just as well go commit suicide himself. He is on medication that has been labeled to possibly cause increased chances of committing suicide and after he were to read this post of yours what reason would he see to live as you have suggested everyone run from him and in so many words people w/ adhd are terrible hateful and abusive people.
Number two as I have told my son in reference to the suicide lable on his ADHD med and his general lack of self esteem and confidence ; nothing in the world is worth commiting suicide NOTHING!!
Number three you are on the wrong web site, your husband has ADHD he needs to be on this site, not you. YOU need to go to suicide.com where you can receive free help and support on matters regarding suicide and talkaboutmarriage.com where you can chat with others about your marriage troubles and "vent" and seek free counseling and tips for helping your marriage or getting out of your marriage.
And number four you need to consider your daughter in all of this. High school is hard enough w/ out the complications you may cause in your suicidal and divorce ideations. If you were to commit suicide there's a good chance she would drop out or her grades would go down. If you were to divorce it may upset her and be a distraction to her but at least you would still be in her life. If you often fight w/ your husband and your daughter is subjectedt o it often it may be better for her if you were to divorce now rather than waiting for her to graduate. At least she would have some closure on the fact that there is nothing left between her mother and father and she wouldn't have to here the constant arguing.
Number five please don't post here anymore if you are going to continue giving people w/ ADHD a bad name as if its not hard enough on them to live w/ this disorder anyway. If you want to talk about how terrible your husband is go to a site for disgruntled wives, not one where people are seeking help and community for those who struggle with ADHD. As for your husband maybe he's just an a-hole. He may also have other conditions causing his hateful attitude toward you. Has he had blood work done lately? He could also have a thyroid problem which can make the nicest people meaner than a snake. You should research other disorders that cause this type of behavior. You can call the suicide hotline the number is on the web site. Seek help for your life and marriage.
You and your 11 year old son have a wonderful day and a fabulous life.
You have taught me a great lesson: why I really, really messed up giving any information about myself to the vast creepy world of people in cyberspace.
Please do me a favor? Try to remember your manners, step back when you're having a bad day and try not to act on it, but most importantly, please do not contact me ever again.
You won't have to worry about the latter: I have just contacted the organization who runs this little cyberwhatever and have conceded my huge error in judgement and requested all contact with them be discontinued immediately.