I may be ADD and I think I'm glad... but I'm not sure

By Joyous Saturday, March 08, 2008

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I am new here. This week, after about 15 years of being treated for depression, the PA at my psychiatrists office asked if anyone had ever talked to me about being ADD.

No they have not. Not that I can remember anyway, and probably it's my own fault. I may never have really opened up to a health professional like I did with her, and it was because I'm desperate and tired of feeling bad about myself.

The same day that I saw the therapist, but before she called excitedly and left me a message saying "google Kathleen Nadeura," I wrote an email to someone trying to explain why I would not commit to a particular activity (one that I really wanted to do and she wanted me to do). Here is an excerpt:

"Condensed story:

I have been treated for depression since I was 30 years old (15 years - bday April 5). From the time I reached puberty until then, whatever haunts me went "untreated."

This week my doctor is experimenting with a gradual change in medication because she believes the underlying, or additional, condition may be ADD. I will bore you briefly with an impressive list of things I do to compensate, the main one being avoiding being around people. (I love people, just not in person):

I never schedule ... more than one thing in a day and make no appointments in the morning.

I work from home at least 75% of the time, and never commit to being more than two places outside of work in any week. Sometimes I show up for more, but I don't commit.

I do not have a phone extension in my office at work anymore, and I ask that when employees take calls for me that they get an email address so that I can respond in writing rather than on the phone. I have no problem letting the home phone ring at home, but I do answer when I know it is (my children, husband or mother).

Most of these compensative behaviors have become much worse since I moved to (*******), especially in the past four years. [btw, 'coincidentally', i had a hysterectomy in 2004 - 4 years ago - this was not part of the email]

I don't do many things that I would love to do because I can't show up dependably. Insomnia is a major issue and the hardest thing I do every day is get out of bed, unless of course I have been awake for hours already. I have barely enough physical energy to get through the day and spend too much time thinking I am lazy.

Somehow I've constructed a life that allows me to be a productive citizen under all these restraints...."

I am recording this here so that I can journal, hopefully, my way out of this. I had decided last week that I would tell my dr. how things have been, how they really are, how frustrated I am... and I also decided if I ever figure out what is going on, I want to help other people like me... a support group or something... I realized people with depression don't have a support group, probably because everyone is too tired to attend.

I have been surfing on some helpful websites:

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Comments (6) | Add comment

Joyous

3/ 8/08 5:17pm

The maximum score on the ASRS is 24.

And it should have been Kathleen Nadeau.

grandma lise

3/ 8/08 6:00pm

Welcome Joyous!

I'd be glad. I believe it's always better to know than to not know.

I heard a psychologist specialized in the treatment of adult ADD state that if you think you have ADD, in her professional experience, there's a 75% chance you are. And you already have some additional confirmation that you are ADD.

When I was diagnosed with ADD, I immediately rushed to my friends house who initially encouraged me to get an evaluation. She and her daughter both had ADD, so that seemed the most appropriate place to go with all those confused and jumbled feelings. They were both kind and supportive. I was excited and nervous at the same time but also at a loss as to what to do next.

Somehow, I tracked down a regional support group leader, and I think she referred me to additional resources including a book, probably the original classic by Wender, and two newsletters for ADD adults. My first thought had been to start a newsletter, so I marked that idea off my list and became a loyal subscriber.

Then my husband found an online support group for ADD parents and adults, and I joined that. Over a year and a half period, I met ADD adults who soon became my friends.

I noticed in the newsletters that adult ADD support groups were just beginning to form around the country. After a particularly frustrating work experience, I decided to start a group in my community. I plastered the city with fliers. It took a couple of months but by summers end, I'd collected ten names. The local Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance chapter helped me prepare for my first meeting.

I led that group for nine years. I never worked harder, but it was wonderful because I had finally found "my people". For the first time, I felt understood and accepted.

Back then there were only a couple of books on adult ADD. Luckily for you, there are easily more than 50 today. Kathleen Nadeau has written and edited many excellent books. I think I've read them all. One of my all time favorites is by another author, Sari Solden. She wrote the classic Women With Attention Deficit Disorder. She spend eight years conceptualizing and writing that book.

I'm so glad you found us. I look forward to hearing more from you as you embark on this new journey.

I want you to know that I enjoy a good quality of life today, in great part, because I got that diagnosis 18 years ago. Please continue sharing and asking questions.

Grandma Lise

Joyous

3/ 8/08 6:34pm

Thank you for your welcome and support. At least I know now... For the record, the Provigil does seem to help. I am at least better at functioning on 4 hours sleep. I have more energy, but I am still not sleeping very well. I'm sure this is going to be a process of experimentation with different drugs and diagnoses. What do you know about Vyvanse?

grandma lise

3/ 8/08 8:32pm

Hey Joyous,

In response to a Cherub's March 6 sharepost "Newly Diagnosed", I provided an overview of what generally happens as your doctor adjusts a short acting stimulant. This information is based on my experiences, my support group members experiences, and a lot of lectures that I attended on ADD medications.

Also, a very interesting sharepost and responses can be found by going to Terry Matlen's March 4 sharepost, "Using stimulants to improve sleep in adults with AD/HD". I encourage you to read both if you haven't already.

The difference between short acting stimulants that I took in the 1990's and the long acting stimulants that are commonly taken today is cost - (sometimes) - and convenience - (they last longer).

I did a search on both Provigil and Vyvanse. It appears that Vyvanse was designed to 1) last 12 hours and 2) prevent abuse by people who recreationally inject stimulants. I'm not totally sure - (ask your doctor) - but I think Vyvanse is a new version of the long acting stimulant Adderall XR.

I have taken Adderall, the short acting stimulant. Formally called Obitral, it's an old weight loss drug that was repackaged and remarketed as an ADD medication in the 1990's. I liked it but could never shake the daily headaches so I quit taking it after six weeks. It is a popular stimulant that works well for many ADD adults.

Everyone's response is individual. Many of the ADD adults I spoke with had a good response. There's a good chance you will too.

It helps to keep a medication log, if you aren't already. You'll be amazed by how quickly you'll forget things you want to tell the doctor. Note date, medication, dosage, what time you took each medication or dosage, any changes or side effects, and any significant events that might have affected how you were functioning or feeling such as "didn't eat all day" or "dog died". In your case, it would be useful to record how much you slept and the quality of your sleep. As with all medications, contact your doctor immediately if anything unexpected happens. Pharmacists can also be a good resource if it's after hours or if you need to talk to someone immediately.

It seems reasonable to me that the Provigil would reduce your ADD symptoms since it's used to increase alertness. I don't know one way or the other. Do ask your doctor. I'd be interested in hearing his answer.

The sleep problems you are having is concerning. There's so many causes of sleep problems. That can be a tough one. Hope your doctors are able to figure it out. Wish I could be of more help. Perhaps someone else on the forum has taken Vyvanse.

Grandma Lise

Stardust

3/ 9/08 11:00pm

Welcome Joy! You can find a lot of information on this site, and the people are nice. I'm like you, I was diagnosed with major recurring depression & anxiety/panic disorder over 25 years ago. The depression was re-diagnosed as bipolar II. Then just last year I was diagnosed with ADD. So I've got a stack of diagnoses. The ADD one really hit home for me. It explained a lot of my feelings and behaviors. I'm not an idiot, I have ADD! etc. Post if you have a question, problem or something funny to say.

6/ 5/08 12:05am

Congrats for finding this board! This is going to be a great place for you to share your thoughts, your weekly musings, and get to meet people like YOU. I was presented the possibility that I may have ADD back in April, and since then my life has just been getting better and better. Let me know if you need anything! gs

I may be ADD and I think I'm glad... but I'm not sure

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