To Debbie Phelps

Yes, mine does that to. He is not as destructive as he used to be, he has grown out of that a bit. But still doesn't take responsibility for it when he does do it. I get the "I don't know" answer or the " I Forgot"

Both of these have been very taxed out.  I am at my wit's end some days cause I don't know what to do with him.....

Hi again

I wanted to thank you for talking to me - I was wondering if what I was experiencing with my son was symptoms of the ADHD or if it was just because HE was being difficult.  I even went and had him tested once again this past summer just to make sure the only issue I was dealing with was ADHD.

Not sure if your son is on any medicine - originally my son's dr put him on Strattera and he was on that for a long while; just recently his dr changed him to Concerta.  I requested his dr to put him on something else other than strattera because he was on that for such a long time and my son is a large boy and the medicine didn't seem to work.  He is about 5'8" dr says he's going to be well over 6'tall and he eats everything. 

Does your son have a large appetitie? 

I have had to put a lock on the pantry door (school snacks i.e. juice boxes, yogurt bars, snacks etc) because if I didn't he would eat them and then lie about it.

I used to post a chore chart on his bedroom door - that worked for about 2 weeks and then fell by the wayside.  I even "bribed" him in doing his chores by paying him i.e. either cash or a one to one activity. 

It's weird I brought him up the same way I did with my oldest (17) all I would have to say to my oldest - "half hour" that meant something was taken away from him for a half hour i.e. tv, playing with friends, etc if he was being naughty that was his punishment - that was his shutoff word.  With my youngest, this son that I'm discussing had no shut off word - nothing would change - he would continue his bad behavior.  I do not believe in spanking or hitting, taking away a privilege for a certain timeframe was how I dealt with punishment. 

Last year his behavior worsened because my husband and I separated, now divorced - he went through a bad patch around the xmas holidays till the end of school.  He would forget to write down his homework, forget to bring school books home, lying about homework, etc I was constantly on the phone with his teachers, had one to one conferences and I explained the situation, so they gave him a little leeway.  He is a smart boy but his grades suffered.

At that time, I had him and my other son, go to a therapist to discuss issues.  I have to say having him "talk" out issues with someone other than family has helped.  And me spending more one on one time with him while his brother worked has helped too.

As a single parent, as a mother, I want to do the best for my sons - so I spend the time and money with them and on them.  But the end of last year I was so stressed, I felt like I was falling apart especially with no help from their father. 

I want to thank you once again for talking to me - now I know that other parents with children with ADHD are experiencing some of the same things that I am with my son.

my son was diagnosed at 2 1/2. Has been on just about all the meds most of his life. We did go through about a year that he didn't have to have any and then bam...trouble at school, trouble at home and everywhere. He has been on them all. Right now the last dr we went to put him on Focalin. He is starting to get an apetite but I have just passed that off as getting older because he didn't have one for so long....he is about 5'1 and probably only weighs about 75 pounds.

He has been grounded most of his life. But even that don't seem to "punish" him anymore. I am trying to find new ways to discipline him to be more effective.

Well if you find a way, please share.

I have lost my temper with him by yelling; tried to tell him that he won't visit with his dad until room is cleaned - that doesn't even work these days. 

We did the truth and consequence scenerio as well

The grp discussion plus the one on one discussions - I do find helpful but discipline is still the problem

I'll continue my search re: discipline and if I actually find one that works I'll be sure to share.

Hope we both have success - have a good night!

I can have the same issues with my 11 year old son - very reactive, intense, disrespectful, etc.  We've made positive changes in our relationship and lives by listening to CD's put out by Kirk Martin, a parent/author/coach that help parents understand what the ADHD kid needs.  You also can subscribe to his free e-newsletter at www.celebratecalm.com .  He's wonderful, and his techniques really work - you can cultivate a mutually loving, caring relationship with your sons, I promise. 

Thank you - I'll get onto the website when I get home

In Response to the parent regarding the tall young man with the big appetite.  My son also is growing tall but only slowly getting pounds.  He has been on many different stimulants and they all hurt the appetite.  The strattera is a totally different chemical.  It did not work.  Have you seen a specialist who really knows meds.  One that only does adolescents?  We finally found one in our limited communities.  He as been on the daytrana patch because the stimulants work for kids with the hyperactivity.  His appetite is pretty good and the wieght is going up(which he needed!!!)  For son long i wanted my son to raid the pantry!!  my biggest issue is irritability and "forgetting everything"  and organization which we really work on.  He is also seeing a family therapist (there is a stepdad and bio dad divorced since toddlerhood)  I think one of the best therapies has been keeping in a sport.  He gets some confidence, socializes some, and uses energy in a very positive way.  He learns more about general teamwork and self pride and respect.  If you can find something the kid really likes and really commit to participate and encourage, I know from experience how good it is.  My son is a different kid when he gets to play football.  He loves the game and he is pretty good at it.  There are setbacks but keep something going.  I am there even with a unbelievable schedule and two kids 6 & 15.  I really cheer and enjoy and am careful not to embarass in front of friends (hug firmly later)  I find I have to search and zero in on positives and really point them out to him.  Lots of reinforcemnt about what a good kid he is underneath all the crap.  I think my son knows how much I love him even though I get frustrated and yell.

I read your reply and want to just say that you don't hug your child in front of friends. To me this is a bad sign because if I can't hug my child in front of their friends I think that his friends would not get the point and that is that there is a love bond between us. Who knows they might go home and hug their Mother or Father. Hugging is a thing that is done every time you seperate from your child . I make a promise if they are ambarassed that even when they are bad I will hug them.A hug is the best weapon you have and you should keep it in tact.

Not hugging in front of friends is a bad sign?  did you note all the positives.  Teenage boys are sensitive to their developing image as a young "man"   If he requests not to have mom hug him in public and says he is embarassed, I respect his wishes.  He enjoys my affection that much more later on.  Teen boys have a lot of pressure to be accepted by peers and this is very important in self esteem especially in the boy who knows he is a little different having ADHD.  You should talk things over with a professional.

 Hello, Sir

My name is Vanessa .I have 2 children. A 9 yr old and a 6 yr old, which I have a hard time on a daily basis, everywhere we go. It is a nightmare,I can't go out in public with both or neither. My dag has given me problems since 2nd grade ,but was not dx w/ add or adhd alone but  w/ a mood disoder which they were not specific .She is not on meds. My son howeever was dx w/adhd recently and nOV 2008 PRESCRIBED Aderrol.I have not given Alei the pill yet, I am scared I might damage an organ or have a zombie asa a son !Please inform me of your natural process ,so I won't make my son an addict to pills or drugs.  

 Hello, Sir

My name is Vanessa .I have 2 children. A 9 yr old and a 6 yr old, which I have a hard time on a daily basis, everywhere we go. It is a nightmare,I can't go out in public with both or neither. My dag has given me problems since 2nd grade ,but was not dx w/ add or adhd alone but  w/ a mood disoder which they were not specific .She is not on meds. My son howeever was dx w/adhd recently and NOV 2008 PRESCRIBED Aderrol.I have not given Alei the pill yet, I am scared I might damage an organ or have a zombie as a son ! Please inform me of your natural process ,so I won't make my son an addict to pills or drugs.  

Please email me at applebarnharry@gmail.com and we can set a time to talk. email me your phone number and I will call you or ask for mine so you can call me. I am heading out of town Saturday for the week and will not be accessible. We can talk before I go

Harry

802-688-3909 EST

It is amost midnight and I have just finished writing a report for work.  Needless to say, I am exhausted and my eyes are beginning to cross.  So, although I could write pages about this topic I need to keep it brief.

I have six childre, two have been diagnosed with ADHD & OCD.  The oldest and youngest sons have resently been diagnosed with ASD.  As a single parent I am struggling and anxious for any/all information that may help my children.  Being a natural and not chemical treatment/suppliment is evev better!!!

Thank you, so very much for offering to share your success, and information.  I look forward to learning about a much more healthy version of help, as part of the puzzle I juggle.

Please email me at applebarnharry@gmail.com and we can set a time to talk. email me your phone number and I will call you or you can call me.

Harry

802-688-3909 EST