I have a son who is 11 with ADHD. He seems to have become very lazy...he knows his chores, has had the same ones for 4 years and yet if I am not there standing over him he does not do them. He knows the consequenses but yet he still chooses to get in trouble rather than do the task at hand. Have you went through this and how did you handle it?
To Debbie Phelps
11/13/08 9:36am
I am a single father with a 10 year old son who has ADHD and is showing mild symptoms of RAD(Reactive Attachment Disorder). When I was married we adopted him at 21 months old from Russia and have no knowledge of his background. We are no longer married and I now have my son full time 24/7 so I completely understand what you are going through.
Yes there are challenges every day. Yes there are days where it seems like it appears as if nothing was learned or we are going backwards in the learning development area and yes at times it is very frustrating.
There are days when I absolutely refuse to give up. (I think you know what I mean). There has never been a day where I did and there never will be that day. I am very strong willed, positive and like others keep researching in hopes there is something that will make his life just a little bit easier therefore making my life a lot easier.
I very close friend of mine shared something with me that helped me tremendously and kept me away from the anti depressant drugs. I have shared this with others and now they no longer feel the need to use those. I always wanted to, and still do, try to find ways where my son will not need his medications and I have heard of a few success stories. My son does not like taking his medications but he does realize how beneficial they are in helping him stay focused and in control.
After I started using this all natural, organic system (which is the easiest thing to do and tastes great) I immediately noticed the difference in me and started to do some research on how it might affect my son. I met another man, Peter G, who told me his son had suicidal ADHD and in 5 days of using this system, his son was no longer suicidal. My son is not suicidal but I was very interested in the other positive effects such as better energy and focus, control, better sleep, better thought patterns and a more positive outlook on life. I started my son on this program (he still takes his meds) and amazingly in 5 days he was a different person. At first I really didn't believe it so I gave it some more time and the results were consistant.
I am so excited that there is something out there that is all natural and really works. His teachers, therapist and doctor all notice a major difference.
He now is the kid at school that the other kids want to know. I hear boys and girls, even the ones who are not in his class all calling his name to say hi or goodbye. They want his acknowledgement. He now even has a "girlfriend" and does not care what others (bullies) say. He defends others and I am very proud of him. He even has befriended a boy with special needs who the bullies just mistreat terribly and he is picked on for that. I tell him he is doing the right thing and he knows it because he feels good.
What I have learned and been given is a GIFT!
I share this Gift because I have been blessed with it for me to give to others. This worked for me and my son and I have seen it works for thousands including people with Downs Syndrome. I have seen things that could be classified as nothing short of a miracle.
If you are interested in learning more about this I will be more than happy to share it with you and anyone you think might benefit from this too.
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Harry Diamond
applebarnharry@gmail.com
12/ 3/08 8:13pm
Hello, Sir
My name is Vanessa .I have 2 children. A 9 yr old and a 6 yr old, which I have a hard time on a daily basis, everywhere we go. It is a nightmare,I can't go out in public with both or neither. My dag has given me problems since 2nd grade ,but was not dx w/ add or adhd alone but w/ a mood disoder which they were not specific .She is not on meds. My son howeever was dx w/adhd recently and nOV 2008 PRESCRIBED Aderrol.I have not given Alei the pill yet, I am scared I might damage an organ or have a zombie asa a son !Please inform me of your natural process ,so I won't make my son an addict to pills or drugs.
12/ 3/08 8:22pm
Hello, Sir
My name is Vanessa .I have 2 children. A 9 yr old and a 6 yr old, which I have a hard time on a daily basis, everywhere we go. It is a nightmare,I can't go out in public with both or neither. My dag has given me problems since 2nd grade ,but was not dx w/ add or adhd alone but w/ a mood disoder which they were not specific .She is not on meds. My son howeever was dx w/adhd recently and NOV 2008 PRESCRIBED Aderrol.I have not given Alei the pill yet, I am scared I might damage an organ or have a zombie as a son ! Please inform me of your natural process ,so I won't make my son an addict to pills or drugs.
12/ 3/08 8:32pm
6/25/09 2:49am
It is amost midnight and I have just finished writing a report for work. Needless to say, I am exhausted and my eyes are beginning to cross. So, although I could write pages about this topic I need to keep it brief.
I have six childre, two have been diagnosed with ADHD & OCD. The oldest and youngest sons have resently been diagnosed with ASD. As a single parent I am struggling and anxious for any/all information that may help my children. Being a natural and not chemical treatment/suppliment is evev better!!!
Thank you, so very much for offering to share your success, and information. I look forward to learning about a much more healthy version of help, as part of the puzzle I juggle.
7/17/09 4:11pm
My 12 year old son is the same. I don't think it's laziness, I think it's the ADHD. I have to give him reminders constantly. My 6 year old can follow a 3-step direction better than my 12 year old. He's smart, was in the gifted and talented program, he just can't focus (especially when meds have worn off). I feel for you with how frustrating and tiring it is. I find that I have to change up my rewards and consequences. Some times I'll say that whichever one gets their chores done quickest and does the best job can earn a certain amt of money to use when we go to the store next. Sometimes that person gets to choose what's for dinner or a movie that we'll all watch together. I have to change it up to keep it interesting for him. I find it takes more effort to come up with rewards rather than just using consequences, but in the long run, it works better and is actually easier for me stress wise. Good luck!
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I'm glad I'm not alone - I thought this was just my son's issue - my son just turned 12, he knows his chores as well and he is very stubborn and lazy about doing his chores. I do the same, I say either I'll help him clean his room or I'll stand by the door and he gets furious.
Another issue is that he is very destructive. He has in the past broken his toys - all those new ones that he wanted for xmas or birthday gifts - the expensive types - remote control vehicles etc but now that he is older he pokes holes in a piece of furniture (ex lazyboy chair) and blames the dog.
Yes, mine does that to. He is not as destructive as he used to be, he has grown out of that a bit. But still doesn't take responsibility for it when he does do it. I get the "I don't know" answer or the " I Forgot"
Both of these have been very taxed out. I am at my wit's end some days cause I don't know what to do with him.....
Hi again
I wanted to thank you for talking to me - I was wondering if what I was experiencing with my son was symptoms of the ADHD or if it was just because HE was being difficult. I even went and had him tested once again this past summer just to make sure the only issue I was dealing with was ADHD.
Not sure if your son is on any medicine - originally my son's dr put him on Strattera and he was on that for a long while; just recently his dr changed him to Concerta. I requested his dr to put him on something else other than strattera because he was on that for such a long time and my son is a large boy and the medicine didn't seem to work. He is about 5'8" dr says he's going to be well over 6'tall and he eats everything.
Does your son have a large appetitie?
I have had to put a lock on the pantry door (school snacks i.e. juice boxes, yogurt bars, snacks etc) because if I didn't he would eat them and then lie about it.
I used to post a chore chart on his bedroom door - that worked for about 2 weeks and then fell by the wayside. I even "bribed" him in doing his chores by paying him i.e. either cash or a one to one activity.
It's weird I brought him up the same way I did with my oldest (17) all I would have to say to my oldest - "half hour" that meant something was taken away from him for a half hour i.e. tv, playing with friends, etc if he was being naughty that was his punishment - that was his shutoff word. With my youngest, this son that I'm discussing had no shut off word - nothing would change - he would continue his bad behavior. I do not believe in spanking or hitting, taking away a privilege for a certain timeframe was how I dealt with punishment.
Last year his behavior worsened because my husband and I separated, now divorced - he went through a bad patch around the xmas holidays till the end of school. He would forget to write down his homework, forget to bring school books home, lying about homework, etc I was constantly on the phone with his teachers, had one to one conferences and I explained the situation, so they gave him a little leeway. He is a smart boy but his grades suffered.
At that time, I had him and my other son, go to a therapist to discuss issues. I have to say having him "talk" out issues with someone other than family has helped. And me spending more one on one time with him while his brother worked has helped too.
As a single parent, as a mother, I want to do the best for my sons - so I spend the time and money with them and on them. But the end of last year I was so stressed, I felt like I was falling apart especially with no help from their father.
I want to thank you once again for talking to me - now I know that other parents with children with ADHD are experiencing some of the same things that I am with my son.
my son was diagnosed at 2 1/2. Has been on just about all the meds most of his life. We did go through about a year that he didn't have to have any and then bam...trouble at school, trouble at home and everywhere. He has been on them all. Right now the last dr we went to put him on Focalin. He is starting to get an apetite but I have just passed that off as getting older because he didn't have one for so long....he is about 5'1 and probably only weighs about 75 pounds.
He has been grounded most of his life. But even that don't seem to "punish" him anymore. I am trying to find new ways to discipline him to be more effective.
Well if you find a way, please share.
I have lost my temper with him by yelling; tried to tell him that he won't visit with his dad until room is cleaned - that doesn't even work these days.
We did the truth and consequence scenerio as well
The grp discussion plus the one on one discussions - I do find helpful but discipline is still the problem
I'll continue my search re: discipline and if I actually find one that works I'll be sure to share.
Hope we both have success - have a good night!
I can have the same issues with my 11 year old son - very reactive, intense, disrespectful, etc. We've made positive changes in our relationship and lives by listening to CD's put out by Kirk Martin, a parent/author/coach that help parents understand what the ADHD kid needs. You also can subscribe to his free e-newsletter at www.celebratecalm.com . He's wonderful, and his techniques really work - you can cultivate a mutually loving, caring relationship with your sons, I promise.
Thank you - I'll get onto the website when I get home
In Response to the parent regarding the tall young man with the big appetite. My son also is growing tall but only slowly getting pounds. He has been on many different stimulants and they all hurt the appetite. The strattera is a totally different chemical. It did not work. Have you seen a specialist who really knows meds. One that only does adolescents? We finally found one in our limited communities. He as been on the daytrana patch because the stimulants work for kids with the hyperactivity. His appetite is pretty good and the wieght is going up(which he needed!!!) For son long i wanted my son to raid the pantry!! my biggest issue is irritability and "forgetting everything" and organization which we really work on. He is also seeing a family therapist (there is a stepdad and bio dad divorced since toddlerhood) I think one of the best therapies has been keeping in a sport. He gets some confidence, socializes some, and uses energy in a very positive way. He learns more about general teamwork and self pride and respect. If you can find something the kid really likes and really commit to participate and encourage, I know from experience how good it is. My son is a different kid when he gets to play football. He loves the game and he is pretty good at it. There are setbacks but keep something going. I am there even with a unbelievable schedule and two kids 6 & 15. I really cheer and enjoy and am careful not to embarass in front of friends (hug firmly later) I find I have to search and zero in on positives and really point them out to him. Lots of reinforcemnt about what a good kid he is underneath all the crap. I think my son knows how much I love him even though I get frustrated and yell.
I read your reply and want to just say that you don't hug your child in front of friends. To me this is a bad sign because if I can't hug my child in front of their friends I think that his friends would not get the point and that is that there is a love bond between us. Who knows they might go home and hug their Mother or Father. Hugging is a thing that is done every time you seperate from your child . I make a promise if they are ambarassed that even when they are bad I will hug them.A hug is the best weapon you have and you should keep it in tact.
Not hugging in front of friends is a bad sign? did you note all the positives. Teenage boys are sensitive to their developing image as a young "man" If he requests not to have mom hug him in public and says he is embarassed, I respect his wishes. He enjoys my affection that much more later on. Teen boys have a lot of pressure to be accepted by peers and this is very important in self esteem especially in the boy who knows he is a little different having ADHD. You should talk things over with a professional.