Hi Terry,
(Hope you and your family enjoyed your Christmas!)
I feel your goal is very reachable and very worthwhile! You know that our ADHD brains need enough sleep to go on, otherwise we begin to experience more "ADD moments." Go for 7 hours sleep as a goal! I had a similar goal a year ago when I began a new job one hour away. I was worried about falling on the drive to work! I started with a goal of going to bed by 10, then moved it up to 9:30 and then 9. I don't always make it, but 9:30 is my most-of-the time goal. However, earlier would be better, since I arise at 5. I need an hour to slowly wake up, mechanically letting the dog out/feeding the dog, and turning on the radio, and 45 minutes to actually shower and dress.
After beginning to be late to work, I set myself a goal of NOT going online before school, after I woke up. This has proved VERY beneficial as the computer sucks me in and I have no sense of time passing.
Eileen, your goal of the monthly date with your husband is a good initial one. I err on the side of one date every two weeks, even if it is window-shopping in the mall and stopping at the food court for a soda on a low-budget week. So, perhaps after you achieve your once monthly goal, you can shoot for once every 3 weeks, then finally, once ever other week.
See if you have another couple who could trade babysitting for these nights out, or a family member. Also, there are three specific "rules" for these dates with your spouse: No talking about MONEY, VACATIONS or INLAWS. These are the big three - the top three fighting topics among couples.
My favorite analogy is (feel free to steal): If you and your husband are the pitcher, and your children the glasses, you must keep yourselves "full" all the time in order to continue to pour everything into your children that they need. If you "run dry," you have nothing left to pour into your children. That is when you see behavior and/or emotional problems with your children. So, the moral is, fill up your pitcher by nourishing each other: tend to your main relationship FIRST. Only in that way will you have enough left within you to give not only to your children, but to everyone/everything else that makes demands upon you in your life!
And a happy new year to all!
:)
Mary Kay
Hi Mary Kay! Hope you had a wonderful Christmas!
Ay ya-yay- you get up at 5am? That would do me in, for sure. So what is YOUR goal for the coming year? Are you working on getting to bed at a reasonable hour? Geez, my brain wakes UP at 9pm. I'd be a mess if I had to be up that early. But yes...7 hours is a good starting goal, sleep-wise.
And I agree with you about topics not to discuss on nights out with the hubby. I might include "problems with the kids." It seems like that's all we end up talking about when we do go out.
So do you have your list you'd like to share?
Terry
Well, I hadn't really thought about any new year's resolutions. Usually I don't, because when I have I just forget about them anyway...(hello, brain???!!!) Anyway, several pop to mind. If I say that 10 lbs over my original "drivers license weight" (read, 16 yrs. of age) is my target weight, I'm 30 over. So along with half of the rest of the population, losing weight is a goal. No, I haven't yet worked out exactly how I'm going to do that yet.
I suppose I should resolve to have protein for breakfast every morning. Everyone writes that is the #1 rule for ADDers. Not always easy if I don't have hard-boiled eggs prepared or deli meat in the house. Cereal is so much faster (if I have milk in the house) and eggs take time to cook! The microwaved egg mixture I've read/heard about is swell but the dish is a bear to wash...I( know, whine whine whine...)
I could resolve to USE a timer. So much of my life has been spent knowing all the strategies I should be using, but not using them.
Remembering to write all my work meetings/ obligations down on a calendar, good resolution to make, I know. I actually have trouble with this.
Remembering to write my 3 things down in my gratitude journal every night before I go to bed. I've been missing many days. How can one set a new habit by doing something for 30 days if I can't remember to do it for 30 days?
Becoming more active. Moving my body. Walking around the block? With the cold weather, I've not been accompanying the brave and hardy of my Saturaday-morning-coffee-and-walking group of friends in the walking part of the morning...
Cleaning out the accumulation in my room. In Jan. of '06 when I moved into my current house I never did unpack my bedroom and make it nice. Two years later it remains the same (I can just close the door if people are over!) But I don't feel good about it. And its embarassing.
Which leads to, consider having people over. NOT something in my comfort zone unless VERY close friends.
Trying to accumulate a miscellaneous car-emergency-repair sum of money. Maybe this way I'll never have to worry about making the rent payment.
Driving slowly all the time. By this I mean the actual speed limit. As of the end of January I'm on a 3-month provisional drivers license after having devoted an 8-hour Saturday to "attitudenal" drivers school to obtain it once my license was suspended for the 3rd speeding ticket. (This whole experience was quite costly as well.)
Well, many more than I had originally intended on coming up with, I'm afraid. Hmmm...do you think I ought to write these down somewhere? <giggle>
or
New Year's Intentional Visioning
My sister recently mentioned her desire to meditate more and said she was just going to have to will it to make it happen. I remarked that I just don't believe in willing things into being. Willing sounds harsh and is a mental parallel to trying to pick something up - you either do it or you don't, there's no inbetween.
I suggested that instead of 'willing' her time to meditate that she use the concept of supportive intentional envisioning. For me, that means visualizing myself meditating, visualizing the space where I'll meditate, talking to my family or friends about my intention and garnering their support and interest in my desire; then I'd choose my meditation space, my pillow, my 'altar' concept. I'd take my supporters into my room and engage their energy; I'd ask for help or invite them to meditate with me.
If, at the end of the year I'd spent some time meditating then that is my reward. But, if I'd spent time with my friends and family engaging them in my dream, then I'd have more community, too.
It's the intentional visioning that sparks the creation of more than I had to start with, and it's my willingness to ask for help that involves people in my life and creates something larger than my vision. I could end up with a meditation center; a new friend; a lovely altar; and meditation.
Namaste
Maureen Nolan
ADDore YourSelf Coaching
addore@comcast.net
www.addoreyourself.com
ADD/Attention Development Coaching
Body/Mind Coaching
Brainspotting Certified
Maureen,
Thanks for your thoughtful post. I like your idea of visualizing and agree that this is a far more potent tool than "willing" ourselves to accomplish something.
I'd like to hear more about meditation and ADHD. I did TM many years ago, before I knew of my ADHD, and found it very helpful. When I suggest meditating to adults with ADHD, they claim it would be impossible to sit still for any length of time and let their thougts drift. Any tips on how to encourage people to give it a try?
Terry
Terry
This medium is wonderful. Congratulations on your new position.
So, the truth about my experience with ADHD is that I started out the same as your other readers; I couldn't sit still. 20 years has passed since I last attempted a formal class environment for meditation.
In the past few years, I've read about meditation in the context of healing, in a book about Tibetan Spiritual Medicine (google Emory University Tibetan program and you'll be led to a section on books at their Tibetan center in Atlanta) and I've engaged in visualization meditation in a new coaching school in Atlanta (LifeWorks School of Coaching). I've also drawn recently on my Chi Kung training. It's all coming together.
I'm easing in to personal meditation through the back door (my usual MO), and have created the atmosphere for it in my home office, adding a touch of candles, a Tibetan singing bowl, some floor pillows on a raised platform...and occasionally I'll meditate.
I still retain some fear of meditation (?), maybe losing myself...but when I meditate I usually find myself.
Use a centering sound like Om or God or Creator... either out loud or inward to focus your breathing. Be aware of your breath, of your hands, of your heart - breathe in health around any part of the body that needs it and breathe out pain - use colors as they appear and watch what happens.
Mmmmmmmmmmeditate.
Maureen
Good luck everyone!
My resolution is to obey my timer! I promised my husband I'd make lunch in 15 minutes, so I set my timer to remind me when to leave the computer. But the timer went off and I'm still typing!
2nd resolution: don't be hard on myself when I don't do what I intended- I know this ADHD is tough, but I can do it! I'll come back and respond to all of you later.Gotta go! Time's up!
Elyne
Hi Terry,
Thanks for the kind words. I was a little late with lunch, but better than I usually am. As for meditation, I wonder if "hyper-focusing" is similar to meditation. When I loose track of time reading, painting, or daydreaming, it almost feels meditative. Occassionally, it can become a spiritual experience. But there is so little time to allow for this and difficult to get to such physical and mentally quiet place.
Eating meals and going to bed at regular times is also a resolution. I'm amazed that other people struggle with this, too. My doctor was telling me that the same medication that makes one person drowsy can keep another one wide awake. You need to check with your doctor about sorting this out! I changed my med schedule and I think it helps.
The last resolution is keep removing the mountains of clutter all over my house. There are several new land masses since the holidays. I'd been asking myself, "if I saw this in a store, would I buy it?" and If the answer was no, it either went in the trash, to resale, or donated to a thift store. This purging was fun, but then I have to really restrain myself from replacing what I just got rid of.
I've had a professional organizer help me get started on this and my closets are looking good.
BUT does anyone besides me have twelve different filing systems for storing important papers? Happy New Year everyone.
Elyne
Featuring Content From:
By using this service, you accept our Terms of Use. Please read them. The consumer health information on is for informational purposes only and is not a substitute for medical advice or treatment for any medical conditions. You should promptly seek professional medical care if you have any concern about your health, and you should always consult your physician before starting a fitness regimen. Copyright © 2012 Remedy Health Media, LLC. All Rights Reserved.
Terry
What a great idea! I have many wishes:
I want to be more patient (I'm not really that bad)
I want to become a better writer
I want more freelance writing jobs
I want many things but when I think about there are so many things going on in my home: my husband changed careers last year and is beginning his own health insurance business, I started writing more and my kids are busier than ever. So, I have decided that the best resolution I could make would be to dedicate one evening a month to my husband and I. With all that is going on, sometimes the "us" gets lost and I am dedicating this year to making sure we celebrate our love. (Your share post on taking care of YOU has inspired me, even though this is taking care of "us")
So my plan is to find one evening a month that we will do something special. Maybe send the kids to my brother's house for the evening or just wait for them to go to bed and spend quiet time together with a bottle of champagne. Something that is for the two of us.
I will let you know when I schedule the first one in January.
Eileen
Eileen,
Great list! I like that you prioritized them and are focusing on time with your husband. I'll bet the others will fall into place as well, but I'll be curious to hear how your monthly "dates" work out. I agree that I think it's important, especially when there's so much energy being spent on taking care of everyone else's needs.
Keep me/us posted!
Terry