Terry,
Thank you for sharing. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am not sure if it is because of the memories it brought back or if someone finally put into words what I have sometimes felt.
I am the mother of a 25 year old with ADHD and other mental illnesses. I remember being at his high school graduation. He didn't want to be there, didn't feel like he fit in, didn't have friends, wasn't invited to any graduation parties. But I made him go. Possibly I made him go for me more than him, although at the time I told him it was for him. After all, I was the one that spent years talking with teachers, spent hours in the evening helping with homework, had meetings with guidance counselors, principals, vice-principals and psychologists. I was the one that fought with the school to get him the help he needed. I was the one that made sure his work was completed. I was the one that spent many nights wondering if we would even make it through high school and if he would graduate.
But anyway, we went, my whole family was there, clapping when he received the diploma, celebrating with cake afterwards. But there was not much joy, it was overshadowed by years of struggle. It was more a relief than happiness and we all knew it, we just didn't say it. I
think as mothers, when we hold our babies in our arms, we dream of their life. We can picture them walking and laughing, their first day of school, their first love, their senior prom, their graduation, their college days, their wedding and finally, our grandchildren. We map out their lives for them and dream. But life gets in the way, it throws us curves. Our children don't follow the path we set for them so many years ago. Even the simplest events don't bring joy.
For us, he barely passed high school, there were no dates for proms, no college, no wedding (at least not yet, I can still keep dreaming!). IAnd the events that did happen, are tinged with sadness. It is not that we do not love our children, we do, intensely and passionately! Maybe you are right, maybe we need to acknowledge these feelings, acknowledge the death of our dreams and mourn for them. Thank you again for sharing this.
Lily
Terry,
Thank you for sharing. Your post brought tears to my eyes. I am not sure if it is because of the memories it brought back or if someone finally put into words what I have sometimes felt.
I am the mother of a 25 year old with ADHD and other mental illnesses. I remember being at his high school graduation. He didn't want to be there, didn't feel like he fit in, didn't have friends, wasn't invited to any graduation parties. But I made him go. Possibly I made him go for me more than him, although at the time I told him it was for him. After all, I was the one that spent years talking with teachers, spent hours in the evening helping with homework, had meetings with guidance counselors, principals, vice-principals and psychologists. I was the one that fought with the school to get him the help he needed. I was the one that made sure his work was completed. I was the one that spent many nights wondering if we would even make it through high school and if he would graduate.
But anyway, we went, my whole family was there, clapping when he received the diploma, celebrating with cake afterwards. But there was not much joy, it was overshadowed by years of struggle. It was more a relief than happiness and we all knew it, we just didn't say it. I
think as mothers, when we hold our babies in our arms, we dream of their life. We can picture them walking and laughing, their first day of school, their first love, their senior prom, their graduation, their college days, their wedding and finally, our grandchildren. We map out their lives for them and dream. But life gets in the way, it throws us curves. Our children don't follow the path we set for them so many years ago. Even the simplest events don't bring joy.
For us, he barely passed high school, there were no dates for proms, no college, no wedding (at least not yet, I can still keep dreaming!). IAnd the events that did happen, are tinged with sadness. It is not that we do not love our children, we do, intensely and passionately! Maybe you are right, maybe we need to acknowledge these feelings, acknowledge the death of our dreams and mourn for them. Thank you again for sharing this.
Lily