“I Have Always Felt Different”: a new study examining the inner experience of childhood ADHD

Terry

Thank you so much for sharing this. It is both sad and wonderful to have such a personal glimpse into how children with ADHD feel every day.

Eileen

Oh, Terry.

This is the kind of work I have been hoping someone would do. As a grownup with AD/HD with a 15 year old daughter with AD/HD, I've had an expereince with her that I have never seen described in writing, anywhere, and it has led me to question the assumptions that are made about children with AD/HD.

I could (and may) write a book about it, but my salient points would be these:

1. they know, and from a verrrry early age

2. they can tell us, if the relationship has not soured and with careful questioning which is born out of genuine interest and not criticism

3. it helps them retain their rightful role as Subjects of their own lives, and not the Objects upon which parents and professionals enact "programs" and "treatment." It also, in my experience, decreases rebellion and treatment resistance when we are working with them to solve the problems THEY have, and not the problems WE have about THEM.

Now, I know every child, every parent and every parent-child dyad is unique, but while I don't have science (numbers, controls, etc.) to support my argument, it's harmless to consider from the beginning of a child's life (AD/HD or not) that the child is a reliable reporter of her/his internal experience.

I daresay my daughter's ability to describe her experiences at ages six and seven were in part capacitated by the fact that I had taught her the names for her feelings along with the names of her body parts, the cars on the road, the animals in books, etc.

For AD/HD kids especially, the language of the interior world is one that needs to be learned earlier than later. And I was delighted to read that the study's subjects said social cues are not being "missed," so much as not-handled. My daughter is acutely aware of nuances, even, and such children (probably the ones whose brains naturally are attracted to detail) are often in considerable pain about their gaffes. Add anxiety to that mix and the child can become very inhibited and more anxious as social functioning deteriorates.

It was the case here that the sensitivity worked in her favor and while not an initiator, she was always thrilled to be asked (to play at recess, or to visit houses, etc.) so the extra work it took to be her friend was short lived. Her acute observations have made her a good friend to others and she always has chosen what only a parent could call "good freinds."

As for teachers, I believe she has never had one who actually "got" her, and says she doesn't expect it (and doesn't have to bite her tongue like her parents do when talking to teachers who say she's got to learb to be responsible," or to "work harder."

I also think that kids identified early with parents who understand early, are in a much better position to not need validation from the external world nearly as much. Her comment about self confidence and self esteem is, "Pfft&bi@hu$gqv (sputter)! How could I have come this far, so well, if I didn't have good self esteem and plenty of confidence?" I agree with her absolutely.

Please understand, I am not tooting her horn or my own, but sharing an example of how things might be, more often, with more kids, when we remove stigma and misunderstanding, increase education and support, and build more stable family foundations. And, all is not so great here after all because anxiety runs rampant and tramples all of her life under its hooves on a daily basis.

As an 19 year old girl who just learned of her ADHD, I would say that the descriptions of my chidhood anxieties are pretty accurate. As a child, I did frequently feel different. But, because I come from a family of over-achievers, I didn't have as much difficulty with the school work.

    Though, success at school came at the expense of a deficient social life and a distorted sense of self. Since school achievements sometimes serve as an overcompensation for the menial, day-to-day difficulties.

As an 19 year old girl who just learned of her ADHD, I would say that the descriptions of my chidhood anxieties are pretty accurate. As a child, I did frequently feel different. But, because I come from a family of over-achievers, I didn't have as much difficulty with the school work.

    Though, success at school came at the expense of a deficient social life and a distorted sense of self. Since school achievements sometimes serve as an overcompensation for the menial, day-to-day difficulties.