How to Advocate For Yourself

Go with your strengths and value your authenticity. Celebrate your differences and find those who also appreciate you for who you are, not whom you think you should be.

Parenting

One of the hardest challenges for adults with ADHD is juggling work, marriage and raising children (especially if one or more also has ADHD). It is essential to get support from your partner. Acknowledge that you have a "special family" where the rules have to change in order for things to work. ADHD can wreak havoc on families, so arm yourself with parenting strategies from books and classes and get as much support as you can, including babysitting help EVEN if you're a stay at home parent. When my very hyperactive children were young, I had a sitter come to the house a few hours a week even if I had nowhere to go, just so I could escape to my room to rest and re-charge. Parenting is a full time plus job and all parents need a break from it, especially parents with ADHD.

Personal Needs

Sometimes it's hard to rationalize that we need time to ourselves to pursue our interests, or to take time away from the family in order to rejuvenate. But these are not luxuries when ADHD is part of the picture. Allow yourself this needed personal time and drop the guilt. You MUST take care of yourself if you are to care for others in your family.

Learn to say "no" when you're already feeling over-extended. Are you always putting others' needs before yours? This is when self advocacy becomes most difficult. We are taught early on that we should be able to juggle everything and anything short of that means you are weak or less than capable. Take baby steps, if needed, but begin thinking about yourself and what you need and how you can impart that on to others.

Take your emotional "temperature." Are you chronically exhausted? Irritable? Understand where these feelings are coming from and make appropriate changes in your life, whether it's a job change, getting marital therapy or simply getting more rest. It's time to take a strong look at your life and assess what it is that is sucking the life out of you. Start by making a list and then jotting down plans of action, complete with plusses and minuses for each item.

Now that you are aware of some of the areas in your life where you need to advocate for yourself, what is YOUR first step towards living a happier and calmer life?