Procrastination! Why we do it and what we can do about it

Urban,

Are you ready to get started? Can you spend 10 minutes on it?

Terry

Stardust,

I feel your pain. What can you do to get started unpacking that thing? Can you picture in your head how GOOD you'll feel when it's put away? How long do you think it would take? It always shocks me to find out that these boring chores usually don't take nearly as long as I'd thought. Then I smack myself in the head, wondering why I put it off for so long.

Grandma,

Thoughtful post. Have you figured out what you'd like to do?

Sometimes it helps to remind myself that by NOT doing something, I'm making a choice, just as by DOING something, I'm making a choice. Then I ask myself, am I happy with that choice? And I usually end up doing just what I've been putting off, because I realize that otherwise, I've made a choice to make my space cluttered, etc etc.

Not sure this is very clear...

Hey Terry,

I started to respond to your post here then decided to start a new post. See "Transitioning".

Grandma Lise

Thanks for your kind words, MK. I'm glad they helped.

I'm wondering if you're taking on too many changes right now. Can you pick one or the other so you don't feel overwhelmed?

Note, too how you figured out a system for the family room (or was it living room- I can't scroll up, here) and how you were able to make that work for you. What makes it easier to keep that room up? Just wondering...

Keep us posted on your progress, ok?

Thanks Terry.

Well, I finally washed out the slow cooker that was soaking on my counter for 2 weeks.

I haven't quite hit the bedroom yet.  I was dog/house sitting the first half of my spring break.  I got home yesterday, and besides taking care of some website updating I had to do for my state SSW association, I sat on my rear and read a "mind vacation" paperback.  This morning I met friends for breakfast and made the mistake of returning two throw rugs to Marshall's.  A mistake because I came home with 4 bags and a carry-on suitcase.  (OK, so the suitcase was a steal and since I've been using my son's and we are BOTH traveling to my other son's graduation in May, I did need it.)

Now I'm going to go through and weed out what I need to take back.  No, I don't do this habitually, luckily.  I'm sure I bought things I don't NEED despite what a good deal they were...

You know, as I ramble on, I realize I did NOT take my meds this morning.  Duh!  Light bulb  moment.  Off, off and away!

:)

Mary Kay

MK,

Congrats on washing out the slow cooker! The rest of your post just made me chuckle. I see so much of me in you. Note to MK: take your meds tomorrow!  

Hi Laurie,

That has to be incredibly stressful! Tell me- how long would it take each day to do your paperwork at work? And where in your day could you fit that in? I hear this story so many times; people with ADHD taking their work home and then it's just hanging over their heads all weekend. It's a no-win situation.

Maybe we can help you come up with a strategy to finish up your work and not have to bring it home.

Ah Laure, I do this constantly.  I really didn't know other people did this.  I GUILTILY THOUGHT I WAS THE ONLY ONE! 

The only one so rediculous to get myself in such a situation.  I feel (INSERT ADJECTIVE HERE: stupid? ineffective? lacking?) that I get behind in the first place.  Then I feel guilty not touching my bag at home.  On a week night I'm exhausted and resentful of having to pull out paperwork at home.  So I don't.  Then I feel overwhelmed as I start the next morning at work, knowing full well that I've just lugged it all back to the office.  And yes, Terry, it is an awful feeling. 

Drowning is just what it feels like.  Sometimes the work is as simple as writing things in my calendar book from the myriad pieces of paper I've stuck into it.  Sometimes its reports.

I am on my last day of my spring break.  I have perhaps 8 or 10 reports I've been putting off completing all year.  I brought them home Thanksgiving break, Christmas break, every weekend and now spring break.  I have not opened my work bags yet (yes, plural, there are three of them...)  Our supervision changed from last year, and NO ONE has ever asked where my reports are, why the student's file isn't complete. 

There's been a reduction in force, from full-time to 1/5 social worker, so I was given an "honorable discharge" two weeks ago.  At the end of the school year I'm done.  (I am pretty sure I have two very positive prospects for next year through close contacts I have.)  My POINT is, I must have these flippin' reports done by the end of May.

Thank you to all who happen to read this for your positive thoughts I know you'll send my way.  Now, if I can just begin.  Just begin...that is the key.  That is the stumbling block for me.

-Mary Kay

MK,

Beginning can be the hardest part, though finishing is right up there, too.

Do you have time this weekend to begin ONE of those reports?

-Terry

Hey mklmsw,

I went through something similar last year. It's a long, painful story.

I got through it by going out to dinner after work - (dinner included one margarita). During dinner, I'd make a few calls on my cellphone and would map out my plan of action for the night. I then returned to the office and would work for three to five hours. I'd then delay going into work the next day for an hour to an hour a half.

I did this until I got the job done. The margarita - (on the rocks, no salt) - was my favorite part. I think the key to my success was that I didn't go home until it was time for bed.

Grandma Lise

Hi Priscila,

Thanks for sharing this with me/us. Your questions are very very important and I hope I can give you some guidance.

First, doing the dishes is secondary to your health. So bear with me as I offer up some ideas that may not be politically correct in this day and age of environmental awareness.

You know that anorexia is not an easy thing to live with and in fact, can be life threatening. So I vote that you do ANYTHING- ANYTHING- to work out the dishes issue so that you can focus on eating.

First, stop using your plates/glasses and buy paper/plastic goods that you can toss. Forget about washing dishes. End of story. No guilt allowed.

Do you have to return the plastic containers or are they disposable? If the latter, discard when you're done with them.

Again, do whatever it takes to manage this problem so that the focus is on making sure you're eating. You do not need to take on the added worry about dishes.

Second, you mentioned depression. Any time depression is part of the picture, it becomes very hard to tackle daily chores. Please...please contact your physician and tell him that you are depressed and need help with that.

Let us know how you're doing, ok?

Terry

Hi Terry,

Thank you so much for your time, your nice message, your good advices, and your worry.

It's a great idea about the paper plates. I hadn't thought about it... But shall I just leave the kitchen as it is?? Maybe without the need of the dishes for eating it will be easier to wash them little by little. The plastic containers I give them back, but even when I always do it in the last moment, I normally have less trouble washing them.

The reason why I am so sad lately is because I lost two beloved dogs some weeks ago. I am taking two antydepresives for two years now, because I'm supposed to have an anxiety disorder with OCD, besides the ADD. That's why I don't take any meds for the ADD, cause my psych says they can crash againts the antidepresants and he doesn't want to do it while I live alone. He wants to try when my boyfriend, who works abroad, is here; that's in winter. So my depression is more or less controlled, but these days a big sadness added to it because of the lost of my doggies.

I am also on an online 12 Steps program for Anorexia. I have a sponsor. And I started a new therapy a few weeks ago. So more or less I'm working on it. But the ADD is not really being controlled and it's very hard for me to concentrate on my job and send it on time, to not hyperfocus on Internet, to have my house more or less clean... and those monsters in my kitchen sink!!! OMG!

During the last months, when my doggies were ill, I also spent a lot of money in doctors for them, so I had to ask for a lot of loans I have to pay now. So for the moment I don't have enough money for buying a lot of paper or plastic plates and forks. I will try when I get my next check. Meanwhile, and after reading the advices you gave to the other people who wrote, I have tried to wash, for example, one pot, or one spoon. The other day I managed to wash one pot and one pan, plus a fork, a knife and a spoon. Today I washed the pot again and the spoon and I'm having a cup of tea (I know for some it might look ridiculous, but for me it is really hard). So I guess that the only fact of writing to you, getting your nice answer and thinking that you, and maybe someone else, will read when I say I managed to beat those monsters, is already helping me a lot. And I really thank you very much for that.

Can I keep in touch?

Big hug,

Priscila

Hi Stef,

Glad you found my post helpful and what an insightful comment; that it explains a lot of our other ADD behaviors. Hope your project is going well- let us know!

Terry

Hi Karen,

Yours is a common challenge for those of us with ADHD and it's GREAT that you've figured out a system. It may not always work, but you certainly are on the right track.

You might want to use some sort of system reminder, ie Outlook or Google calendar, for example, and choose a time where you can work on this (awful) chore.

I always tell people that they should consider hiring someone to help them do this. Often times, they end up saving money by avoiding delinquent bank fees and overdrafts. There are people out there who can help with this task- bookkeepers looking for extra jobs or college kids who happen to be good with this sort of thing.

One really can save money by enlisting the help of others. Or if you have a friend or family member who can do this or keep you company (body shadow) while you tackle it, then go for it!

Terry