Living Authentically

Recently, I re-connected with some old friends who also love music and performing. We were invited to perform with a local band at a restaurant/bar. My friends and I were extremely nervous- I hadn't performed in a "band" since I was 18 or so and neither friend had ever performed professionally. We all could easily have declined the invitation, but we didn't. So a few weeks ago, we gathered up our courage and sang a number of songs; I even played guitar on some. It was a dream come true!

Here's an exercise to help you move toward living authentically.  Get a notebook and write down the statements about yourself you've heard and still believe. Here are some I've heard many, many times from clients I've worked with over the years:

1. I'm not very bright (I've heard this from PhDs!)

2. I'm a lousy mother- I can't even remember to make annual doctor's appointments for my kids.

3. I don't know how my husband/wife can stand me; I'm so wrapped up in my own problems.

4. I'll never get a good job- who would want to hire someone like me?

5. I'm just a loser. I can't find my keys, can't pull together a simple dinner for my family. I just can't do what comes easy to everyone else.

After writing down each negative statement on a separate piece of paper, read each one and then tear it up and throw it into the garbage. In your notebook, replace each statement with a positive one about yourself, instead, and make a point of referring to them regularly. Perhaps you are a good listener. Maybe you're a loyal friend. List your gifts and talents. Don't stop- keep writing them down, for there are many.

Next, think about what you'd rather be doing AT THIS VERY MOMENT. Is your secret passion to become an opera singer? A nature photographer? Would you rather be living in a different part of the world? Do you see yourself in a new job? Begin to think about which of the things you've listed are doable. Are they are goals you can work on now, or are they for down the road when your life situation changes, .i.e. when the kids move out or when you retire.

Ask yourself what it would take to accomplish these goals- goals that reflect who you really are. If your lack of self-confidence prevented you from learning to sing, promise yourself to sign up for a singing class. If you picture yourself in a dream job, take a class to start garnering the skills necessary to make a career change. This is your first step towards moving forward and re-discovering your authentic self.

When those old words of doubt enter your head, immediately replace them with positives. Remind yourself of all the things you do well and things you've achieved over your lifetime. We tend to minimize those things while focusing on the negatives.

Visualize yourself doing the things you really DO want to do. Try and study the detail of that image until you can draw it up in your head with less and less effort.