Wednesday, May 30, 2012

When and How to Reveal Your ADHD (and when not to)

By Terry Matlen, ACSW, Health Guide Tuesday, January 20, 2009
Over the years, I've had many people ask me how to go about explaining to their boss, partner, friends and family their ADHD diagnosis. Often times, these are folks who have recently been evaluated for ADHD and are eager to explain their lifetime difficulties to people they know, with the hope that t...
Milestones and Mothering
Anonymous
Judy Greenbaum
1/27/09 9:25am

If you are consistantly late to work, you must tell your boss something.  Just giving him/her your label, no matter how receptive the boss is to ADHD, is never enough.  You can say "Yes, I know, I'm working on it"  "I have a coach who is helping me set up a routine", etc.  In other words, the term "ADHD" doesn't have to cross your lips.  But acknowledging that there is a problem and that you are trying to correct it is very important at work.

 

Also, speaking as a partner of someone with ADHD, I think the ADHD partner should never use ADHD as an excuse for forgetting something, losing something, etc.  Agani, using the label is not enough.  Both partners should sit down together and work out solutions.

 

Ju

Anonymous
family with ADD
1/27/09 7:55pm

If an employee told me he was late because he had ADD, I would not be impressed. Bosses want employees to be on time, and it's the employee's job to figure out how to achieve that. Family members probably should know, but again, the ADDer needs to figure out how to make changes so family members will still want to live with the ADDer.

Anonymous
Susan K
1/27/09 8:10pm

Luckily, ADHD has never affected me in the workplace, and in my current career as a substitute teacher, it is actually an asset - there is always something happening and you never have to do one thing very long, or, often.

 

I understand very well how my brain works and how the medications I take improve my executive function. I am well-informed and intelligent, and very well read on this (and plenty of other!) subject. However, I can explain "how" my brain works to people with "normal" brains and they just don't get it. It is not that I am not accepted by my peers or treated differently than any other personl The bottom line is - ADHD is like a physical illness or handicap. If you haven't walked in my shoes, you may understand what I describe but you do not internalize it. It is just like this example: I am a member of an online group for people with posterior tibial tendon (the tendon that holds up the arch of the foot) disorders; we have all had multiple, extensive, hugely painful surgeries with long rehabilitation periods. Again, if you haven't experienced this, you don't know what it is like.

 

Clearly, my friends and family empathize with every "condition" that is part of me. However, if you're not someone with ADHD or a medical professional, what it's like to have this "asset" is very hard to really grasp.

4/ 2/09 10:01pm

THANKS FOR THE POETIC JUSTICE TO BEING SUCCESSFUL AT WORK W/ADD.  I'M A HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL RESPONSIBLE FOR MANY DIRECTIVES IN MY ROLE AS AN OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST.  MY MEDS HELP TO REGULATE MY DISTRACTIBILITY AND I CAN USUALLY JUST SIT AT THE END OF MY DAY TO DO MY CASE NOTES IN QUITENESS... MOSTLY I'M THE LAST ONE OUT OF THE OFFICE...

 

BUT I'M LEARNING TO ADJUST MY ATTITUDE TO BEING SUCCESFUL AT WORK & PLAY  ....THANKS AGAIN..

 

CINDY  Laughing

4/ 2/09 10:01pm

THANKS FOR THE POETIC JUSTICE TO BEING SUCCESSFUL AT WORK W/ADD.  I'M A HEALTHCARE PROFESSIONAL RESPONSIBLE FOR MANY DIRECTIVES IN MY ROLE AS AN OCCUPATIONAL THERAPIST.  MY MEDS HELP TO REGULATE MY DISTRACTIBILITY AND I CAN USUALLY JUST SIT AT THE END OF MY DAY TO DO MY CASE NOTES IN QUITENESS... MOSTLY I'M THE LAST ONE OUT OF THE OFFICE...

 

BUT I'M LEARNING TO ADJUST MY ATTITUDE TO BEING SUCCESFUL AT WORK & PLAY  ....THANKS AGAIN..

 

CINDY  Laughing

Terry Matlen, ACSW, Health Guide
1/27/09 9:35pm

Hi everyone,

 

Points well taken- thanks for sharing. There is much more to be said on this topic and I hope to do so in another SharePost.

 

Terry

1/28/09 4:07pm

This is a question that has been asked by ten years of clients, or implied and my response is always the same.  I follow Terry's advice and tell my close loved ones and family who I trust will attempt to understand it's a reason, not an excuse and that I'm working on solutions.  For a boss, professor, or a person with whome I interact at arm's lenght, I focus on the actual situation such as being distracted by noise or for a nurse her requesting a quiet room alone where she could complete her necessary paperwork at end of the shift.  She didn't have to state that it was her AD/HD distractibility that was causing the focusing problem, just that she wanted to try a quiet room for a few minutes at her shift end.  The result was great, her paperwork improved, and she avoided the "label" of AD/HD which might have then been used for every tiny thing that happened even when it had nothing to do with AD/HD.  My advice is usually stick to the specific problem and avoid the larger AD/HD diagnosis if possible and see if that will solve it or use coaching to find a new way to do something that results in not being late, or too messy, disorganized or innefficient.

Terry Matlen, ACSW, Health Guide
1/28/09 9:07pm

Hey Glen,

 

It's great to see you here!

Thanks for your add'l comments on the subject, too!


Terry

1/30/09 7:06pm

Thank you Terry,

I agree with everything you wrote. When I was diagnosed at fifty, most still couldn't believe that an adult could have ADHD. The thought was that all children grow out of it before they become an adult. That is probably why at age forty, I was misdiagnosed as being on the cusp of bi-polar, whatever that meant. Ninety five percent of the time I was manic. But the three or four days I was depressed a year were killers. I learned over the years that when I started to feel the depression coming on the best thing for me to do was just go to bed for twenty four hours. I would wake up the next day manic and I loved it. Unfortunately just because I loved and thrived on being manic.....would drink a couple of energy drinks on top of being manic.....not every one else did.

 

When I was diagnosed with ADHD, I was prescribed Strattera. In just four days, I started thinking and acting different. My fifth day on Strattera was one of the worse days of my life. My way of thinking had changed so dramatically that I was know aware of what a jerk ( this is the nicest word, in another forum, I would have used a stronger word)  I had been all my life. I was now very ashamed of my past behavior, which I had always thought was normal. It was kind of like a person waking up after binge drinking and being told about all of the stupid things that he had done. Except my wake up was after a life time. I violated your suggestion of being selective on whom you tell. I started calling people that I hadn't seen in years to apologize for my past behavior. Within a couple of days I had told every one. I agree totally with your advice, I probably shouldn't have done that. Lol.

 

Tom     

By Terry Matlen, ACSW, Health Guide— Last Modified: 02/10/11, First Published: 01/20/09