Over the years, I've had many people ask me how to go about explaining to their boss, partner, friends and family their ADHD diagnosis. Often times, these are folks who have recently been evaluated for ADHD and are eager to explain their lifetime difficulties to people they know, with the hope that they'll be better understood.
I'm all for openness, honesty and disclosure, but you may be surprised to hear that I don't always recommend that people share their ADHD diagnosis; at least not to everyone.
Sadly, there are many people in this world who still do not believe ADHD exists. We can spin our wheels forever, talking till we're blue in the face trying to prove that it does, indeed exist. We can point out the new research coming out that shows chemical and structural differences in the ADHD brain. In many cases, the effort is worthwhile, but in others, it can backfire. For example, if your boss is concerned that you are consistently late for work, you may want to explain that your ADHD prevents you from getting out of the house in time. If your boss is one of those people that firmly believe ADHD doesn't exist, or that it's over-diagnosed, then revealing your ADHD can put you in a pretty tough situation. A red flag might go up and your job could be in jeopardy. It doesn't matter if you have the top ADHD expert in the world telling your boss you have ADHD. If your boss doesn't care or doesn't get it, it may just backfire for you. Even though there are federal laws in place to protect employees with disabilities, it is very very hard and expensive to win such cases.
When and Who to Tell
Once an ADHD diagnosis is given, it IS important to share this information with your loved ones. Whether it's you carrying the diagnosis, or your spouse or your child; the rest of the family needs to know so that they can begin to understand the challenges the family member has experienced all his life and set up ways to help and support them. This is part of the healing process- sharing the information and receiving the support that's needed.
Many adults still carry the stigma from (not that many) years ago that ADHD means they are "stupid, lazy or crazy" and fear that family and close friends will judge them negatively. Unfortunately, there are still people who DO believe this, therefore, it's important to weigh the pros and cons of disclosure. If you're certain that sharing the diagnosis will only make matters worse, re-consider the urge to do it. If you think it MIGHT help but you're not sure the person in question believes ADHD exists, find other ways to explain your symptoms without using the term, "ADHD."
For example, if your symptoms at work are creating problems for you, you could tell your boss that sitting near the door is very distracting for you and prevents you from doing your best work. Before discussing the problem, though, have a plan in place. Follow up by saying, for example, that you know you'd be more productive if you could move your desk further away from all the activities in the office. This way, you are stating a problem and offering a solution. Compare this with the following scenario:
