Milestones and Mothering

It's the pang our hearts feel when hearing our friends and families' success stories- how their child has been accepted to college, gotten engaged, had their first child. Sure, we are happy for them, but we're also sad for ourselves and our special kids. This is normal and nothing to be ashamed of.

If you're the parent of a child with ADHD or other special needs, you know the feeling all too well. Still, we have a choice: we can either bask in self-pity, or acknowledge our sadness and loss of the "perfect child" (whatever that is), and celebrate our child's uniqueness.

In seven days, I'll watch Mackenzie blow out her candles, think back of the last 21 years of the difficulties in raising such a challenging child, but will also remind myself that this experience has made my life- and those who love her- richer than one can possibly imagine.

Recently, the nanny who traveled with us on annual family vacations when Mackenzie was young visited us.  (We needed two adults supervising her at all times so that her impulsivity wouldn't kill her- this is not a joke). We hadn't seen Susan in years and it was a delight to reminisce about the crazy days she had, helping me manage Mackenzie on these "vacations." Now in her late 30s, Susan turned to me and said, "You know, Mackenzie changed my life. I'm drawn to children with special challenges- I know they need a caring ear and open heart and being around her has made me a better person."

It's comments like Susan's that reminds me that Mackenzie is special in other ways. She taught me to be more patient, caring and to reach out to others who need help and support. She taught me to celebrate the small things in life. She taught me to fight like a tiger; not just for her educational needs, but for those of other children who have not received what is legally theirs in this very lopsided special education system.

When Mackenzie goes to bed as a 21 year old, she won't have stories to tell about dancing at the local club or watching the sun come up while partying at a friend's house. She'll say, "Mom, I love you forever and ever."

And what more could a mother ask for?