just found out i'm ADHD, and have many questions, can you help?

Hi ChattyCathy (cute name!),

Welcome to ADHDcentral. I'm glad you found us.

There are lots of resources here for you to explore. For starters, you might want to read the section on women and ADHD: http://www.healthcentral.com/adhd/women.html 

There are also a number of very wise women who post here who also have ADHD. I'm hoping they jump in to give you some feedback and support.

As for my own story about learning of my ADHD, you can read about it HERE

There are some excellent books on womenw with ADHD. The first to write about it was Sari Solden. Pick up her "Women with Attention Deficit Disorder." It's a must-read.

Another book I'd highly recommend is "Understanding Women With AD/HD", by Drs. Kathleen Nadeau and Patricia Quinn.

And you might find my own book helpful: "Survival Tips for Women with ADHD."

There's also "Moms with ADD" by Christine Ademec.

But first, I would explore the many articles and posts here.

Let us know how we can help you.

Terry

hi, I am a 49 yo woman ADHD, diagnosed around 2000 or 2001. I am still grappling with it, but my esteem is better now than it was then. I as also diagnosed with GAD, generalized anxiety disorder and "low grade depression," that I think largely had to do with my coping or lack of coping with the symptoms of ADHD and with various childhood issues and experiences. It really doesn't help having a son with ADHD and a very anal spouse who is totally organized, very tidy, and time manages very effectively.  Though I would have to wonder if things could be worse if my spouse was different. I lived most of my younger life in the shoulda coulda woulda, always reliving bad moments and wondering how to have done it better.

One book I read that was pretty good was, "You mean I am not crazy, lasy, or stupid?" I have to admit that the counselors and psychiatrist that I have gone to in regards to my diagnosis have been so supportive and understanding. If you are getting started on new meds, it may be helpful to keep a diary. I would end of going to my psychiatrist's appointments and just couldn't always be sure I could recall the effectiveness of the meds, when compared from the last visit, especially if more than a month passed in between appts. One would think you could subjectively say "yeah, my life is getting better," or "yeah, I am much more productive or more efficient at work now," or " yeah, I am parenting better or fighting less with my spouse." For me, it just wasn't that easy. My forever and always battles are with procrastination, disorganization, scattered thinking, poor time management. But I have passed some other hurdles.

Must go now. But have felt like I have my special little place in the ADHD world on this site, and that in itself is therapeutic. 

good luck

Good evening (at the moment!) and Happy 4th (yesterday) to you :)

Now that you have gotten your diagnosis of ADHD, welcome to the group.  I must let you know there are more of us out there than you would realize!  Please be assured that you are not alone "in the boat," and yes, things will get better.  One way they will get better is that eventually, you will learn to accept that there will continue to be a bit of ADHD-ness that will continue to remain in and around your life.

And that, you will find (eventually) will be ok.  Now mind you, I speak of this after I am 15 years along in my ADHD journey.  That is, I received my diagnosis 15 years ago.  So that makes me years ahead of you in adjusting to the whole idea, the whole identity; and years ahead in reading and educating myself about ADHD, what I can do to help myself, and what I can do to set up "systems" to make less "ADD moments" occur.  Or at the very least, have fewer "ADD moments" at crucial times or critical to a major life event.

Ok, that said, one of the things that you probably have learned from your reading is that is is VERY TYPICAL for women with ADHD to have concurrent depression, to some degree.  It could be low-grade, chronic and underlying (dysthymia) or more strong.  But, if you look at all the things that women are "typically expected" to be good at, most ALL of them involve Executive Function.  As you are learning as you read, ADHD is an Executive Function disorder.  Our Executive Functions are controlled by the frontal lobe of the brain (behind your forehead, to be very non-specific.)  Planning.  Time management.  Etc. Etc.  Everything that "women" are "typically" (I generalize hugely here, obviously...) are "supposed" to be able to manage easily, piece of cake.

Well, NOT.  Not with ADHD!  All those things that women are "supposed" to be so good at just happen to turn out to be exactly the things that we very likely may not be able to do very well at all.  So, isn't it obvious how one could become at least mildly, if not moderately or severely clinically depressed after awhile?  After years of never quite being able to "make the grade?"  "Do" the seemingly easiest things?  So, yeah, don't let the depression diagnosis phase  you.  And, if something to address the depression was prescribed for you to go along with an ADHD medication, don't feel badly about taking it.  Consider it a way to help get you on a more level playing field.

Next, we women have to understand that some of these things women are "supposed" to be able to do so gracefully and effortlessly, just arn't going to happen.  I happen to know that (and I don't think she is going to mind me saying this...) Terry isn't particularly fond of cooking or planning a huge meal event for guests.  Neither am I!  It is extremely overwhelming to me.  Yes, I have done it in the past, and yes, there have been some times that I have actually enjoyed it even.  But, is this something I choose to do often?  No!!  And, it has to be "OK."  

Do I pride myself on keeping a dust bunny-free house?  Unfortunately,  no.  But does it make me feel like a piece of doo-doo now?  No!!  I try to keep the living room and the bathroom, kitchen too, essentially presentable (read, picked up) if not dust-free or vacuumed.  I try to keep my sinks empty, and white (Bar Keepers Friend is the best cleanser around...)  I find that uplifting.  But are they ALWAYS empty and white?  No!  But you see now, thats ok.  I know I'll get them that way in a day or two.  Or maybe three.  But it has taken me years to get to this point, where I'm not always berating myself, beating myself up inside, because of it. It took me time to get here.  You have to allow yourself time to get there too.

For me, my bedroom is the room where I just let it all hang out.  And it continues to be the room that I am most challenged by.  ONe of these great women on this site said that one of the reason that clutter happens is that things become "a part of the landscape," and we just don't see it anymore.  It doesn't "register."  That is what happens to me.  And for me, for this to go on in my bedroom, I won't beat myself up about - I can simply close the door.  (Now, when my BF sells his house and moves in with me, THEN I'll keep my bedroom neat and picked up because I'll be sharing it.  I'll probably adopt my college son's room then for my "dump-it" place...LOL!) 

OK, well, in typical ADHD fashion I have rambled on quite a bit.  AND I have no idea if I've even addressed anything you may have any desire to hear.  But, I'll take a breath, and a break, and offer for you to write back any time.  You are not alone. And there are some funny things, actually, a lot of funny things, about we women with ADHD. 

It helps a LOT when you can stand back, recognize some absolutely hysterical ADHD moment, and laugh along WITH yourself about it.  I have gotten to the point where I share my most fun ADHD moments with my family members.  They enjoy them! 

By the way, I met Terry at the first Chicago national ADDA conference.  We were volunteers at various parts/points of the conference that year.  That is how I know her.  Well, then Terry wrote her book.  During the process, she asked for folks to donate their funny stories.  Well, two of my most "infamous" ones made it into her book.  So, if you are fortunate enough to read through  her book (I highly recommend it!!!) indulge yourself to some feel-good moments to read what OTHER women, educated and intelligent, have done -- its VERY humorous!  And we are still alive and telling about it!  (Hint: my two have to do with a bra stuck to velcro on an OUTSIDE garment, and being barefoot where one shouldn't be...and why!) 

Have fun, don't forget to laugh along WITH yourSELF when you witness an ADHD moment.  Go easy on yourself, and embrace your individuality!!