My son was diagnosed with ADHD when he was 5.

If this makes you feel any better, I was born with two wholes in my heart not one but two.  The smaller one closed up as most do, but the other one was the size of an acorne so they had to go in and close it up. I was only three months old at the time.  After my heart surgary the doctors told my parents that I would never be able to make friends, never be able to read or write, never be able to spell, never be able to go to highscool or college, and they also told my parents that I would have to spend the rest of my life in a mental institute.  I never graduated college but I had two years at Landmark College, which is a special school for people who have learning disabilities, one year at American University and then one year at the New York Film Accademy where I studied directing and editing films.  I now have a website that is about to launch this Friday called www.friendsofquinn.com: a social networking utility groupe for young adults who have learning disabilities, and in the future there will be doctors and celebraties who have learning disabilities as well, who the kids will be able to blog back and forth with.  I also have book coming out next April 6 talking about mylife.  The title of it is A Different Life subtitled, Growing Up Learning Disabled and Other Adventures. I to use to suffer from depression and was on effexor myself for awhile, and I had been on many other medicines in my life for my learning disabilities.  One day I thought what would happen if I just stopped taking all of these medines, and I did.  Not all at once of course, but I just had enough of being on medicins and it was hard at first, I felt like my mind was going crazy, but I fought it and then one day I woke up and my depression was gone, and I can consentrait just fine.  I am not saying that you should do what I did, but I am seeing a theropist once a weeks.  I saw her at first for a year and a half, then I thought I did need to see her anymore.  So I stopped for awhile and my life was going back down in the tubes or anything, but I actually felt lonely with out seeing her.  So my mom actually made me go back to see her and I am really happy that I did.  I think your son, and I think everybody in life needs to see a shrink, even shrinks need to see shrinks.  But I think that if he saw a shrink it would change his life around, and you should let him chose if he wants to see a man or women, but of course you should see a man and a woman first before chosing.   Hope this helps.    Good luck! 

I understand how you feel.  Our son was the same way we started out slowly teaching him to do things on his own.  Send him on an errand  down the street. Our insurance went up as well but he is adjusting.   It is very difficult but with a growing person.  You can not baby him any more.  Other issues will arise and you have to let him figure it out for himself.  I hope this will help  Remeber to stay positive and it will work out.

Muncheep

My son is 9 years old with ADHD and has minor characteristics of Aspergers, which is a mild case of Autism.  We went through several medicines and found a wonderful medicine, Vyvanse.  He is so focus and understands that it works because he says he feels in control and focused.  I am on Effexor XR as well.  I love it as well.  I have tried to take myself of it and had a hard time being off of it.  I feel I am not ready to take myself of it.  Me and my son talk about his medicine and what it does for him.  He takes it with no problem and he knows how it the medicine makes him feel.  He always comments how it makes him smarter.  I do alot of research and continue to research on every medicine and every associations that can help my son.  He has been in IEP program since he was in Kindergarden.  He has had problems with his social skills, but we talk about the different kinds of people out that don't understand people that are different.  My son is very special in his own way and some kids don't understand and then others except him for who he is.  I tell him, those are the ones that he needs to focus on.  I would be lying if I say it will be easier, but I am scared.  You just have to talk with him about his feelings and research the laws for special needs.  Have him look for the right medicines when he is ready or even try herbs.  We have looked for alot of things on the internet for programs that are out there.  Ask what he likes to do, my son is very good with his hands.  He loves to be busy all the time.  He has a passion for drawing.  Especially a certain thing he likes, for instance Stars Wars.  He can draw each and everyone of those characters.  My friend's son is ADHD and has a passion for being a chef and he is studying to become one.  He also takes the bus because he does not trust himself behind the wheel.  The point I am trying to make is communication and research with your son.  Find out what he wants and look further out there to different associations that are out there.

I hear where you are coming from, my son however is still only seven and can still learn and knows the county like the back of his hand...but he can get so angry and violent. where do you go for help? why do they let you struggle to keep your children with no help at all and give them no tools to succeed in this world as adults. Ive been looking for help everyday since my son was 3 and I knew something was wrong as an infant due to a premie diabetic pregnancy. Who listens. And mental behavioral childhood health is very nonagressive. My heart goes out to you. You can email me @ uptownapbt@yahoo.com K..Erics mom

He has the right to do or not do anything he wants - even make serious mistakes.  He can marry, join the military, sign a contract, buy and smoke cigarettes, and be arrested.  In 3 more years he will be able to drink legally (and get drunk and suffer for it as well.)  He can legally refuse treatment, therapy, medication - and you do not have the right to know about his choices without his consent.

I feel your pain and anxiety.  Whether he lives with you or not, you must get help for yourself to deal with these worries.  You are on medication for your own problems - please don't let his issues make you more ill.

Get to a therapist to talk through your anxiety over your son.  It's the best thing you can do for him right now, and you can get some advice as how best to help him now that he is an adult.