Hi,
OK, this is kinda long (I know how we AD/HD people have challenges with long, detailed readings), and forgive me if this sort of rambles, but here goes......
I'm a 46-year old whose AD/HD went undiagnosed until early this year, and in the meantime, it has wreaked havoc in my life (in numerous ways). Along with other factors, it has made it extremely difficult for me to deal with a looming, financial crisis in my life: My student loans.
Furthermore, what compounds the problem, is the fact that since the end of March of this year, I've been unemployed due to company layoffs.
When I finished graduate school in 1995, I didn't know I had AD/HD, and like most Americans, I wanted to "live the American Dream" by getting a well-paying job, that not only would help me pay off the loans, but more importantly, that I would have as an emotionally rewarding and satisfying career.
Unfortunately, things didn't work out that way, and the consequences of struggling with undiagnosed AD/HD (e.g., difficulty holding on to work for long periods of time; only finding low-paying work ; etc.) has resulted in either my making very few payments, or mostly getting forbearances, due to financial hardships and/or unemployment. Consequently, my outstanding, student loan debt has gone from $58,000 in 1995, to $164,000 at the present time (both monetary figures approximate).
My situation is compounded by my other health condition, asthma, which I've had since early childhood. This limits my ability to seek employment in many physically demanding jobs. Additionally, I'm unmarried, and the rest of my family lives out of state. Consequently, I bear the responsibility of caring for an elderly mother (who I live with), who also has serious health conditions, made worse as a result of aging.
Despite these setbacks, I'm attempting to take responsibility as best I can, by not only diligently seeking employment, but also by continuing treatment for my health conditions as well as utilizing as many of the resources possible, that I've thus far been made aware of. Also, with my newly-found awareness of having AD/HD, one of my employment goals (in addition to teaching in the fields of Adult Education and Gerontology), is to help those specifically with AD/HD (as well as other learning disabilities, and all disabilities in general), through education and advocacy.
One of the characteristics of AD/HD, is difficulty in finding solutions to problems (especially complex ones). This is caused by a vicious, feedback cycle between difficulty in concentrating, and increased anxiety due to inability to concentrate. Consequently, what happens is the person with AD/HD gives up and avoids dealing with a problem. Therefore, it comes as no surprise that admittedly, it would be convenient if my student loan situation would somehow, magically disappear.
I had trouble in college in 91, went on financial aid suspension because of grades, had to leave school and I too am stuck with mounting student loan debt. Last I saw the statement was $84,000. I am single, 50, and unemployed since Feb 09. My 30 y/o daughter lives in Ohio & recently married June 14. Two of my siblings live in other states and my third sibling lives nearby, busy doing other things. I took care of my mom taking her to appts, bathing her, cooking meals & taking them over to her apt., grocery shopped and generally helped where I could. Mom passed away on July 14, 09. I am so sad and feel so lost. She was my reason to leave the house a lot of days. It is obvious to me that ADHD adults without a support system become depressed individuals. How can ya not?
My advice to you is to choose your battles. Your student loans will always be there and this won't change. Since you can't pay them down shift your focus to things you can change. Take care of yourself and your mom and let the debt fall lower on your priority list.
I find I'm having to learn how to make myself my priority. I rely on my faith in God to get me through the tought times because that is all I have. I rented a room for income in January but he moved out Aug 1. My friend came to support me after mom's passing and he left Aug 2. I am now in this house I rent all by myself with my kitty and mom's ferret. It is easy for me to crawl into bed and do nothing but sleep. I've been smoking twice as much and eating twice as much so I do worry about falling apart. I cannot live like that and I know I have to seek support. I suggest you do the same if you find life overwhelming. I am proud of you for being there for your mom; she needs you!
You can email me for support or to vent if you want @ beachgal59 via gmail. Get the cryptography? Be good to yourself.
Sorry for the very late reply, but ironically, just as you discussed in your comments, one of the things I've had to come to terms with my AD/HD, is that I have to prioritize what I do (aka "picking/choosing battles"), and do the best I can in the follow through. Hence, finally getting around to reading your comments, and my late response.
Frankly, your answer is NOT exactly what I was hoping to hear (so what else is new), but at the same time--and in a weird sort of way--it was comforting to know that I'm not the only person in the world whose in this situation.
Someone sent me another response to my situtation, and what they said sort of complements what you said: Deal with getting "rehabilitated" first (e.g., treatment, behavior modification, etc.), THEN deal with the loan situation (relates to picking/choosing battles).
I'm going to follow both of y'all's advice (sorry, that's what happens when I visit kinfolk in Arkansas). But at the same time, if I hear of other, appropriate means (e.g., work, partial forgiveness, etc.) to resolve the situation a bit more rapidly.......As we surfers in California say, "Go for it dude!". Of, course, because I ain't a selfish bastard, I'll gladly pass it along at this site.