Feeling dispair

By Meggie Saturday, February 06, 2010

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Basically I have no happiness in my life. Nothing. Nada. Zero. Zilch.

And when crappy things happen to me it just makes it worse. And of course I have caused many crappy things to happen to me as well. Not that I meant to, but the outcome is the same.

I have no hope anymore. I can barely even make it through each day.

I don't even know how to smile, and nothing makes me smile either. There was a time when I thought I could make it on my own and somehow have a happy life. But I just don't feel that way anymore.

What are the chances that I can be happy ever again? Things will be get better when I move to a better place (see previous posts) and not such a total loss, but still how can I ever regain the happiness in my life?

I need a guardian angel to come down and wrap their wings around me and hold me and comfort me. And show me that there is something out there for me than just the despair I feel inside. It is constant, it doesn't let up. (Not taking my Prozac for months probably isn't helping.)

Maybe tomorrow I will feel better....

Life has improved!

Comments (6) | Add comment

Merely Me, Health Guide

2/ 6/10 10:01am

Hi Meggie

I know this is a really bad time for you. I do want you to have some hope though. Maybe I am a Pollyanna but I do believe you can feel happiness again. Change is coming...you just have to hold on. I wrote something recently that you may relate to. I write on the depression site and wrote a piece about one of the symptoms of depression, hopelessness. You should read all the comments as...so many of us have been there in different ways. But there can be light at the end of the tunnel. There have been times in my life when all I had was the shirt on my back and...the only thing that I did have was hope. Sounds corny but...true.

Don't give up okay? The only direction from here is up.

Here is a hug for you! (((Meggie)))

Please hang in there...keep writing. we are here for you.

Meggie

2/ 6/10 2:40pm

Thank you so much. :o) I will check out your posts on the Depression site. I should perhaps spend some time there as well....... Thanks for the hug! I feel better today than I did last night (or early morning) and coming here and hearing from you has helped.

{{{hug back to ya}}}

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide

2/ 7/10 3:41pm

Meggie

I am so sorry you are having such a hard time. I did read your response and am glad that you are feeling a little better.

I know you are waiting to move and have had a lot of bad luck in the past months. Things will get better, hang in there and take one day at a time. I think Merely Me has given some good advice, depression can make you feel hopeless. Although hard for you right now, it may be time for you to see your doctor and discuss beginning medication again. (I am not a medical professional and cannot give you medical advice, but I would suggest talking with a medical professional).

I am glad that posting here and knowing we are supportive has helped you. Please keep us posted.

Eileen

Meggie

2/18/10 5:15am

I am the original poster: Things are finally getting better and I will be moving to a nicer extended stay hotel with public transportation and stores nearby as of the beginning of March. Yipppeeeee

Man, when you're down - your down - and I was really down.

Merely Me pointed out that sometimes when other bad things happen it can make you feel even worse (I think something I read on the Depression portion of this site where she sent me...). Well basically that is what happened. I had found out that I wasn't going to be moving any time soon and the person who had offered to help me had possibly backed out (they did come through eventually).

And, I used to have a big screen TV which was my present to myself & my son several years ago when I got divorced, and basically the person who was storing it for me decided that he liked it too much and refused to give it back - basically stealing it. Nice guy - not. And there is nothing I can do about it; I contacted the police and they explained why - no proof it is mine. Well, that really dug a hole in my heart for awhile. But I finally decided to let it go and just get on with my life, trying to feel some sympathy for the jerk - who is a real scum bag for stealing my tv - sympathy that he has to live with being the kind of person who would do such a thing to a single lady and her child. I am happy that I'm not him. I do wish that something would happen to make him realize what a terrible thing he has done, but that is not in my hands - maybe G_ds.

I will post more soon, but I just wanted to let my caring friends on this site that I am still here and hanging on! :o)

Meggie

2/18/10 5:17am

know that I am still here.... oops

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide

2/18/10 9:53am

Meggie

I am glad you will be moving in a couple weeks. You will need to let us know once you get settled how your new apartment is.

I am sorry to hear about your TV, talk about "kicking someone when they are down." Even if the police can't do anything, you should be able to file a complaint in civil court. You would be able to tell your story to a judge and so would the other person. The judge would then decide who gets the television. It might be worth a try!!

Eileen

Feeling dispair

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