Hi Shastar,

I'm sorry; I only now saw your post.

Here are my thoughts on telling your husband that you think he may have ADHD:

First, it's hard to get a good feel for what is going on in a blog post. But I sense you've been frustrated for a long time and are hoping that his getting treatment for ADHD- if that is what is going on with him- will help your relationship.

My first thought is that if you two are in counseling to help parent your daughter, then it would be important to call the therapist ahead of time to tell him/her of your plan to suggest that ADHD is what is going on with your husband. Your therapist would have a better handle and good suggestions on how to do this.

The last thing you would want to do is to make your husband feel defensive, thus brushing off the idea of looking into ADHD.

Again, not knowing the circumstances, I would pose it in a way that you want to improve your relationship with him. You obviously love him a great deal and you want to be on the same page in how to raise your daughter. To finger point and say it's his ADHD will only distance him.

Instead, I would focus more on you as a couple; how certain behaviors cause stress between you and how you want to make things better as a couple and as a family. Using words to "describe" the ADHDish symptoms might be a better way to go, rather than to simply say, "You need to get evaluated for ADHD." Do you see the difference?

You feel you are enabling him because he forgets things, loses things, etc. Perhaps you could re-frame it by emphasizing his strengths and gifts and mentioning how these problems get in his way of being happy and successful and perhaps it would help all of you to find out WHY he's having these challenges. More than likely, he will put two and two together and consider that he might, indeed, have ADHD.

Perhaps the therapist can mention that given your daughter has ADHD, there's a chance that another family member could have it, as ADHD is highly genetic.

In other words, come to it in other ways, rather than throwing it in his face. Wanting to improve the relationship, wanting to improve his life, and using descriptions of what is getting in the way of succeeding with this, may be a more helpful way to handle this.

Good luck and let us know how you fare.

Terry

shastar

12/ 9/07 6:19pm

Thank you for replying.  Our appt was postponed due to ice storm.  Our appt was changed to Monday now.  It depends on the ice too.   l appreciate your suggestions and that is how I want to give him motivation to seek treatment to better our relationship and everything in general.  Thanks so much and will let you know.

 

Terry Matlen, ACSW, Health Guide

12/ 9/07 7:38pm

Hi,

Please keep us posted here, ok?

 

Terry