Wednesday, May 30, 2012

Standtall***Keep Losing Friends***

By standtall Saturday, January 03, 2009

 

Hello, I was dx with ADD in March 08, and i cant say that i am terribly upset with my new found dx...cuz i had injured my back a few yrs back and was prescribed vicodin 4 pain. I found when i used the vicodin it help me achieve my tasks & goals 4 the day. I fell into the addict pool..but after a month of inpatient tx. I still seemed 2 have the same problem..inability 2 complete 1 actual task......but start 10 a day!!! So i went 2 the dr.she sent me 2 a Psychiatrist 4 a dx of ADD. Wow did i really get it!!! He said i had a pretty severe case and put me on adderall, and xanax at nite as needed. I was so HAPPY 2 finally figure out wat was wrong with me??? YEA!!!! I started 2 be able 2 function, and actually complete a task.(awesome feeling) The PROBLEM is.....that i used 2 be very good at being plastic, high social status, supermom of 3, perfect house, everything always suppossed 2 be flawless. NOW...things r different. I was once a very respected member of our community,neighbors etc...till the rumors started about my "drug addict problem" which the Dr.said I was misdiagnosed and did not have real "addict habits" only using 2 be able 2 focus. Now my so called friends, won't even look or speak 2 me. There is always some"Hot Rumor" goin around about me ie..I'm crazy, drug dealer, making crystal meth in my garage, a danger 2 kids etc... its aweful!!! I want 2 put a billboard along the freeway, or get on the news 2 validate my ADD, and not a "Drug Addict." Sooo i have quite an interesting year with alot of personal growth..and have actually connected 2 God. I have been burned, and back-stabbed by so many friends that i have learned 2 channel my hurt & pain into helping people, especially teens with substance/or other problems. My teen daughter has alot of friends and I luv our home 2 be the "teen hangout" i luv 2 talk with them & help 2 mentor them. I should mention... I'm an RN that has worked in the substance abuse field. So i do feel qualified 2 mentor and talk 2 them, it feels a void inside myself and makes me so happy 2 do things 4 others and not get/expect anything in return.  So i ALWAYS "Pay it Foward", everyday and i have lost ALL of my plastic friends (20 +) and i only want 2 be friends with ADD people that wont make fun of me 4 talkin 2 fast, switching topics, chronically late, hate commitments, bein very sporadic, unpredictable, and i am alot of fun(mostly with a good sense of humor) The problem is i make a friend that i really like, then after a month or 2...the friendship ends in some usuallly stupid, strange way??? I am clueless?? So now i only have 4 friends that i really trust, (3 local) and it feels weird 2 me. So has ANYBODY experienced similar situations regarding making/keeping friends??? Should i perform interviews & only accept ADD friends???  How do i meet local ADD people/ or is that a stupid idea?? Any input would be greatly appreciated??? I just would LUV 2 know i'm not ALONE???

1/ 4/09 5:47pm

Hi, I empathize with you. Having had adhd 55 years and sharing some of the same traits of this condition that you have....I understand your frustrations. Listen, keep standing tall. I wish I had all the answers but I don't, what I do know is that any of us that have add or adhd must keep standing tall and remembering that we are a lot better off than many others who have much worse conditions or handicaps to deal with. I will be praying for you.

Blessings to you,

Tom

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide
1/ 5/09 9:22pm

Dear Stand Tall

 

I am glad you have been doing better lately, but it sounds as if you had it rough for awhile, I am sorry for that.

 

As far as friends, I don't know if I would go so far as to hold interviews, but you can check out some support groups in your area. This might be a good way to meet people with ADD in your area. Both CHADD and ADDA have support group listings.

 

Although I know you feel that you did have 20 friends and now only have 4, it seems you didn't really have 20 friends if they did not stick by you when you needed friends around you. I think having 4 friends that are truly friends is better than having 20 "fair weather" friends.

 

Keep posting, here you will never be judged or meant to feel as if there is anything wrong with you. We want to hear how you are doing, what is going on and all about your successes and struggles.

 

Eileen

Anonymous
Michael Bruning
1/ 8/09 7:41am

I've grown up with your problem. My best advice is to be your own best friend. I've learn that I can't control what others think of me. I've tried overcompensating by trying impressing the people around me with my money, intellengence and ability to be the life of the party. It took me years to realize that I was just trying to give them good memories that would balance out When (not if) I screwed up. When I did this I could biuld up a good bunch of friends, hell, I was mister popularity. I joined a Fraternity, I was in theater, Student Governement in College, etc... Each situational end with me losing control because I couldn't control my implusivity. I would do something stupid that would offend or embarass my "friends" and lose what ever I had gained and make me the most well know bastard around. It felt like I was busy trying to keep more plates in the air and just so they could make a bigger show when they came crashing down.

  What I think I've learned, eventually, was that I was trying to surrond myself with people to drown out the fear of being with myself. As you might have guess, I'm hyper and not inattentive. My brain doesn't stop unless I'm able to focus it on something else. While medication (Welbutrin) has help, what help even more was learning thow to be by myself. Until I learned how to be by myself no one wanted to be there with me.

Now I have fewer freinds. I'm not the most popular guy in the room, and I don't try to be.  The friends I have all accept me for who I am. Currently I could say I have 4 real friends around the country that aren't related to me, but they aren't going anywhere. One of them happens to be my girlfreinds that I think I might actually marry (shh.. don't tell her yet). I don't think I could have kept any of them without learning how to be by myself first. I hope this helps.

Anonymous
Michaela Schwartz
4/20/09 10:00pm

Hi Everybody

 

I don't have ADHD but I have 7 friends in class who as ADHD. I hang around 2 of them a boy name Syd & Val. I have CP "Cerebral Palsy. I am clam if Val & Syd are around me. I go to Madonna School serving Special Needs Students. But if like Syd not here I have Val around me. If Val not here Syd I would hang around with. Syd is on my work team and I am happy  to have him on my team if not I will  be crazy. Next year in August 5 of my classmates are going to Madonna U. 1 of my best friends are going to Madonna U. I will miss him alot but I still have 1 of my best friends with me.

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By standtall— Last Modified: 12/16/10, First Published: 01/03/09