8 Ways to Decrease Your Child’s Aggressive Behavior

By Merely Me Monday, March 14, 2011

In Part One of my series on ADHD and aggression we talked about some of the possible contributing factors to your child’s aggressive outbursts. Some of these factors may include anxiety, an inability to deal with anger and frustration, impulsivity, sensory processing difficulties, and difficulty with understanding consequences. No matter the cause of your child’s aggression most parents agree that they want to stop this behavior. A child who is aggressive will have great difficulty at school, making friends, and fitting into most social situations. This is a behavior you need to act upon quickly so that it does not escalate to the point where your child loses control and hurts someone.


The following are some suggestions of how to decrease aggressive behavior.

Note: (Use discretion in how you use this information. What will work for one child may not work for another. Your child’s age, diagnoses, temperament, and communication skills all play a huge factor in how to best help your child. What may work for decreasing aggression in a toddler may be very different for treating a six foot tall teen who feels rage and is acting upon that emotion. You always need to tailor your treatment plan for the unique needs of your child.)


1. Determine the conditions or settings where most of the aggressive behavior occurs.


In my previous post we talked about doing an A-B-C recording where you write down the antecedents-behaviors-and consequences for the aggressive behaviors you observe. It usually only takes a little bit of time to figure out some patterns of when your child acts out. For example you may find that your child shows more aggression during unstructured times at school such as recess or waiting for classes to begin. It may be a situation where these times need to be more controlled or structured for your child. In this instance your child could be paired with a buddy during these times, a peer who gets along with your child and can assist him or her with the schedule. Your child could be given a list of fun activities to complete during those times when there is less formal structure. The teacher could enlist your child as an aide to help with putting away equipment or setting up the classroom for the next lesson. There are many possibilities for keeping your child busy and occupied so that they don’t have time to get into trouble.



2. Teach your child if-then strategies.


The A-B-C data you collect may also tell you something about your child’s triggers for aggressive behavior. For example, your child may be more prone to act out when they feel frustrated that something is not working as they expect. You could teach your child that if something is broken or malfunctioning that this is a time to ask for help. Perhaps your child becomes aggressive when they feel criticized in some way. You could role play such a situation and brainstorm ways your child could respond without aggression. The key here is to list all your child’s known triggers for aggressive behavior and teach alternate ways to handle the situation.

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide
3/14/11 8:53pm

Thanks for posting this very valuable information. Many of our readers ask questions about finding ways to manage their children's behaviors and you provide some great suggestions. You are right, no two children are alike and may respond to different strategies. Parents might also want to switch up strategies when something doesn't seem to be working anymore (but give it a chance to work first.) 

 

It would be great to hear from some of the parents out there, to let us know what works for them.

 

Eileen

Merely Me, Health Guide
3/18/11 5:36pm

Thanks Eileen!

 

It is very true...what works for one child may not work for another.  You have to individualize treatment for each child based on many different factors including age, diagnosis, and severity of symptoms.  I wanted to give parents a chance to talk about their experience and let them know that they are not alone in this.

 

I really appreciate you comment...thanks.

 

 

3/18/11 10:26am

MY DAUGHTER IS HAVING A VERY HARD TIME AT SCHOOL WITH ANGER, SHE HAS THROWN HER DESK AND SLAMMED HER CHAIR AROUND. sHE IS ONLY IN 2ND GRADE AND IS IN JEOPARDY OF BEING EXPELLED. iTS ALL DUE TO HER NOT GETTING TO FINISH AN ASSIGNMENT DURING CLASS,LIKE WHEN THERE IS A FIRE DRILL OR SOMETHING LIKE THAT. SHE CURRENTLA TAKES 4 MG OF INTUNIV AND I SEE NO RESULTS.PLEASE GIVE ME SOME ADVICE ON WHAT TO DO.

Merely Me, Health Guide
3/18/11 5:40pm

Hi there

 

Well it seems that you know at least one trigger for the aggression...not being able to finish her assignments.  What do the teachers say?  Can they provide any accomodations for your daughter to be given ample time to finish her work?  Does she have an IEP?  Does she have a diagnosis of ADHD?  I think that a behavioral strategy would work best right now to help her control her aggression which is fueled by frustration.  Are there any other instances where she exhibits aggressive behavior?

 

Keep talking to us and we can try to give you more suggestions and resources.  I know this is hard.  Lean on us.  We are here for you.

3/18/11 6:36pm

Yes shehas an IEP no the teachers are not making any accomdations for her i've been to theschool may times. and i feel like we are getting pushed aside.

Merely Me, Health Guide
3/24/11 6:34pm

I am so sorry this is happening.  One thing you can do is to write a letter detailing which provisions on the IEP are not being met.  I have found that a letter recording the problem and sent to all parties including the principal of the school can get you faster action than just talk. 

 

Let us know how things are going for you and your daughter.

10/23/11 11:51pm

Your child has rights! and if the school is not meeting them they could be legally liable if she gets hurt. Ask for a student/parent rights hand out.

10/24/11 10:01pm

it's mainly when she can't finish her work or when she doesn't have money for a snack at lunch.

3/22/11 12:04pm

Thank you, all the information you post is very helpful to me. I have a son with ADHD and OCD and I find your information very interesting and benefical. Thanks again for sharing.

Merely Me, Health Guide
3/24/11 6:37pm

Oh thank you so much!  It is always nice to hear from members.  Please keep coming to the site...we have lots more to share.  I hope that you too...will share your story with us.

10/23/11 11:47pm

my son just turned 13 and is suddenly displaying uncontrolable tantrums, like litterly yelling, crying, throwing toys. Is it hormones? The minute I stop the car and ask him "are you ready to go?" it takes a minute or so then he says "ya" (he is non verbal). At home he does the same, If I keep moving around the house, he is ok, but if I sit down or am in the kitchen he starts melting down!! could it be behavior and hormones? He used to have some tantrums, but now they are all day pretty much and now they have gotton so bad he is acting up at school and forget going to the store!!!!

Anonymous
Sandi
10/16/12 5:37pm

I am worried, my grandson is being tested for ADHD. I have heard tht the meds can make him zombie like? Plus I have worked at a school and at times you will hear the students and even a teacher ask the child if he had taken his pill today? I see that he is hurting with all the problems at school, and i have heard that the meds will help him focus. My stomach hurts just thinking about how he hurts. pease tell me something that will help me understand.

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By Merely Me— Last Modified: 10/16/12, First Published: 03/14/11