Even my own family can not accept that I suffer from ADD. And I have suffered from it my entire life. I just didn't know what was causing all of the problems I had - I have always been blamed for so many things that I used to blame myself too. But once I was diagnosed (in my late 40s) and treated I was really shocked that I could in fact be better and live life better. However, my treatment has been spotty due to problems paying for the medication (and when I don't have it my life starts spiraling out of control and I start making those stupid mistakes again - now I am basically homeless, no job and no car).
I do feel that my problems are considered by some others as all of my fault and that I should "know better", and how did I let things turn so bad? My ex's wife was even screaming obscenities at me recently on the phone, blaming me for everything. How in the heck do people who just don't understand nor want to have the right to just sit back and blame, blame, blame? What gives them the right? Please live a day, week or month in my shoes!
She recently had a biopsy done on her breast (it turned out to be benign) but she had a medical problem and no one blamed her for it. If she would have had cancer and it affected her life in difficult ways - no one would blame her still. They would feel sorry for her and try to help her get through her treatments.
Maybe that is not a good comparison, I don't know. I am just saying that just because I have a medical problem I shouldn't be blamed for everything that goes wrong.
When I do take my medication I still need other support. That I haven't had either. For me medication alone is not always enough. But struggling with paying for insurance and rent, etc... was always all I could afford. I need day-to-day support too.
To those of you who don't believe in ADD or ADHD I hope you know that you are really hurting those of us who actually do have it and how dare you decide that we don't have a medical condition which sometimes destroys our lives. We would love to be happy and just go on living life if we could, but unfortunately we have to struggle every single day to try to make it through. When you have a medical problem, think about it - how would you feel if others just dismissed your problem out of hand because they don't have it?
I really feel for you Meggie. Geez...you don't deserve that! In a perfect world this would not happen...this blaming people for their disorders. What good does that do? You didn't ask to have ADHD. It makes me angry to know people do this. The thing is...ADHD is biological...it is neurological...it has a very strong medical cause...if you will. It isn't something people make up. I feel ADHD falls into the same camp as depression and Bipolar Disorder and autism. I think you were the person, Meggie, who deemed ADHD as an invisible disability. Because people cannot see your struggle they are more apt to dismiss it.
Meggie...not sure if I have given you this before but I am also a writer on My Depression Connection and I wrote an article there about How to get mental health services and medications with no money or insurance. Please do look at the information given there. You had mentioned having to quit taking Prozac for your depression. My son has gotten Prozac from both WallMart and also Target for only four bucks per month. They offer some good deals on some medications so do look into it.
Again...my heart goes out to you and I am so sorry you have had to fight this battle your whole life. It simply is not fair.
Many of the diseases which we know of today were once thought to be myths or excuses. For every disease there is a group of naysayers who deny the condition is a disease, or who have some fringe opinion as to the cause or the treatment. Mental illnesses or brain diseases are some of the most misunderstood, and the most difficult to live with largely because you cannot point to a number on a blood test or a blot on an x-ray, and you cannot culture some infectious agent to "prove" a diagnosis. As an example, not so long ago Lyme disease was in this category until an infectious agent was found and publicized, and even now it is difficult to convince some physicians to test for it. In the meantime those of us who live with this every day, either in a loved on or in ourselves or both, must focus on what we do know, on learning more, and on making sure that those who need treatment have it available, even if you occassionally have to educate people (doctors included) who simply don't know any better.
Gary...you are absolutely right. And the more research is done...the more we are pinpointing the very real biological causes for many of these conditions. I have Multiple Sclerosis...and I am sure in decades past...my come and go bizarre symptoms would have been dismissed as I am nuts. Things are getting better but...we sure have a ways to go.
Thank you for your insights. They are much appreciated.
I am a mother of an 9 year old daughter who has one of the worst cases of ADHD. I am tired of people telling me that all she needs is discipline, even my own father doesn't believe in ADHD. My father almost stopped talking to me after he found out I was putting my child on medication. These people who say this isn't real, have obviously never met a child with ADHD. They do not know what us as parents go through everyday with our ADHD children.
As a result of ADHD my daughter is sensitive to tags and seams on clothing , It takes her about 10-20 minutes to put her socks on because of the seam that goes across her toes. If something doesn't go right or she can't do something right she has a melt down and calls her self names and gets really upset. She can't sit still for more than maybe 30 seconds at any givin time, she loses focus very easily and you have to cconstantly redirect her attention and as a result of this her school work suffers because her teacher is not educated in how to work with ADHD children, so instead of helping her she isolates her in the class room and makes her feel embarrased. My daughter can not be placed in special ed because she has been tested to be too smart . My daughter is also very violent, it wasn't until this past year or so that we finally got that behavior under control just enough to where she can actually be around another person without compulsivly trying to hurt them. She doesn't think before she acts and has hurt several people and children.
She has serious impulse control problems, people who do not have ADHD can stop and think hey maybe I shouldn't do that I might get into trouble or I might get hurt. My daughter does not do this she acts upon every impulse she gets which is dangerous to herself and others. She has been in trouble at school non stop since pre-k and the problem with this is the fact that the school watches her more closely but not in a good way . 2 boys were pinching her repeatedly and she bit them to make them stop but the school only disciplined my daughter not the boys, When I asked the school why they said that a few days before my daughter had done something to the boys.
It is hard enough trying to deal with my daughter on a daily basis but also having to deal with the naysayers and the prejudice against my daughter for her behavior, it is completely uncalled for , ADHD is a real disorder and even with medication, counsling and a 9 day stay in a mental hospital my daughter still has to struggle everyday. I wish people could see how much this affects the adults and childred who have this and how much it affects their family and friends maybe if they walked in our shoes for a few miles they might learn to understand that this is not just a lack of discipline .
My now 28-year-old son was diagnosed in second grade with PDD (Pervasive Developmental Disorder). Though I always felt he had ADD, the professionals disagreed with me. His behaviors in the classroom were largely anxiety driven. He had a great deal of difficulty with change, whether it be a visitor in the classroom, or a special program. He would leave his seat, complain loudly, and generally disrupt the classroom. Your comment regarding seams in socks were much the same as my son's problem. I would call him "tactilly defensive", a term used in special ed for kids that have a high sensitivity to things that touch them. In second grade, the school district identified him with "emotional behavior disorder" and he began receiving special education. However, school districts are notarious for having difficulty treating kids with emotional disorders.
I would encourage you to seek the help of a professional in child development to get a diagnosis and then meet with the principal of your child's school and demand a evaluation for special education. Once that is in place, an IEP (individual education plan) will be developed, with specific goals and objectives to make your child's learning exeperience successful. If your child's school is not going to bat for your child, demand it. It is your right!
I totally feel for you and can relate. I was close to putting a gun to my head and killing myself because my daughter has really bad ADHD. My mother didn't want to believe that my daughter had it either, so I can defintely relate. I don't have the really bad impulsive hitting problem though, I am grateful for small things. But anyone that tells me that it doesn't exist, I will tell them to live a week in my shoes with my daughter without her medication and then tell me it doesn't exist.
Hi stressed mom and everyone
I feel for you. When your child experiences these types of challenges it is so difficult and then add to your struggle are other people who judge and are critical...it can seem overwhelming. I do applaud your courage. My son has some of these issues. The clothing issue...that is a sign of sensory integration disorder. I wrote a long post on this very topic so please do take a look at the link.
It is unfortunately so common for schools to react to behavioral challenges instead of being proactive. I am so sorry your daughter is experiencing a lack of understanding of her special needs. I have opted to homeschool my son for some of these reasons.
Does your daughter have any other diagnoses such as an autism spectrum disorder? Just wondering out loud.
Again...I am sorry you are going through this. Any time you wish to share or vent...please do. We are here for you.
you wrote an article in regards to my comment about my daughters scalp picking a while back which helped me understand why she does it a little better. I haven't been able to get her to stop yet but we are still working on it. So far her doctor has diagnosed her with ADHD/ODD and some OCD tendancies , they only added the ocd thing because she had brought her favorite toys with her to the appointment and the whole time she was in there she just kept sorting them into colors and types, over and over again. I have noticed much more of her little things she does because of OCD . She won't use crayons or pencils again if they are no longer sharp or if they break even if you sharpen them she won't use them, sorting her crayons into colors making sure objects are facing the right way or keeping things in certain spots,. Most of her little things she does doesn't interfere with her life ,
I still cut the tags out of most of her pants, luckily they make most of the shirts now tagless so I no longer have that to deal with. The sock thing is a big pain but if I let them put them on herself without help she is able to get the seam in the right spot. She has progressed from just scalp picking to picking the skin around the tips of her fingers one day she did it really deep and it bled for a while . And itching she is contantly trying to make me scratch her back, arms, legs, head she won't let me put lotion on her because she doesnt like the way it feels on her skin . I cant evr put her hair up because she doesn't like how hair ties feel. The more I sit here and think about it I could probally list about 2 hundred things she does which are related to her ocd or ADHD. I still haven't figured out how a shoe can be crooked but oh well. I really appreciated the support and advice, I may not have access to all the different programs and things for ADHD but I am trying my best with what is available . Again thanks for the advice and support.
I can also relate. My 10 year old step-son was diagnosed with ADHD, ODD, and Dysthimic disorder at 8. When his father and I got together, I knew something was wrong with him. His father even has it! Nobody in the family believes in ADHD and I still get crap for having him on medication. They tell me he just needs a good butt whooping. No he doesn't. He needs medication, stability, therapy, and routine along with proper discipline. He has one of the worst cases I have ever seen as well. I had no idea a child could be so uncontrollable! My stress levels were so high during pregnancy that I could have easily had a miscarraige.
We have went through numerous medicines to get him under control. I have finally found peace of mind since he has been on Vyvanse and Intuniv. These help him control his impulses as well as the other ADHD symptoms.
I agree that anyone who doesn't believe in ADHD needs to spend a week in my shoes without him on his medication and also with his father. They both would make a believer out of anybody!
I never knew why nothing I ever did was good enough. I was smart before I entered school. When I eagerly entered school, I began having depression. No one believed kids had depression.
I did not sit still, nor could I see anything in the way I was expected to see it. I was punished, and humiliated on a daily basis, and I never understood why. It left a secret wound that never fully healed, even though I managed to survive the things I could do to become a devoted teacher to all children, an accomplished writer, an inventor, and a builder of dreams, and a caregiver to my family. I taught all children, and taught them the different ways in which we learn. I told these 1000's of children over the years that they must speak up nicely, and expect the teacher to teach in the way that makes sense to them. I did not specialize in teaching a way I still know does not work. I see the same humilation in the eyes of the kids so desperate with this disorder all over again. Separating children with differences in the way they do is wrong. We already know that we are different. Each person is going to face some very drastic imperfection in their lives through illness, an accident, a disease, age, whatever. How can they possibly learn to cope with their circumstances when they have no regard for the differences in other people from the very beginning of life. This is not about intelligence, or a lack of intelligence with kids with this disorder. We have a lot going for us that goes unrecognized because we do not learn under this one size fits all. There are so many exciting ways to teach, and to learn that still is not supported by most of the public, including the vast majority of educators. Standardized testing is absolutely the worst possible method to use repeatedly, or at all, to test intelligence, and promote children. The whole idea is that only some should pass, while others fail. A measurement test was needed, and this is what we got stuck with. Tell the colleges that. Changing what's bad about how we perceive things in this country is like continually re inventing the wheel. we constantly go back to what never worked, and put a new label on it. Medication made a difference in my life, that even today, someone, especially someone who never faced the humiliation, will always look at me with disgust. And, yes, we people with this disorder know darn well when we are being patonized, or ignored. I survived by being a commedian in order to have some dignity, and stop the humiliation, yet someone always will say I don't need this medicine. I guess I don't need glasses, insulin for my diabetes, or relief from the pain I suffer with arithtis, and the crippling of my joints. The medication helps me to to function. The disease is still there, and I still have problems with the way I am forced to receive, and organize the information taught in a room with a screen, with a teacher, with the same chairs facing the same way, with the same rules, and unrealistic expectations I was forced to live with as a kid. We cause failure in kids with the way we deliver information. it's cheaper that way. We are losing kids to suicide. We are losing kids who have nothing to bring them to school. If a child is made to fail more than he succeeds, he cannot ever work hard enough to get anywhere fast enough in the way we cripple the ability of this child to learn. Is that really what want to do to children ? I devoted my life to changing the way we view differences. I do not feel I accomplished much, when I see the same kids struggling, and the same kids succeeding in our schools today because someone decides we are frivolous in the way teach. More cuts, and biased attitudes are resurfacing at an alarming rate. Kids everywhere must do the same thing ,at the same time, in the same order, and then when they fail, and they will, this is tied to the need to get tougher, and take away all joy, and more and more time devoted to sitting in a chair without recess, without movement, expression, exploration, experiementing, discussing, building, singing, drawing, and most of all, "THINKING". Thinking demands activities that stir a child think. Thinking demands motion, movement, hands on experiences, invention, exposure through field trips, drama, imagination, touch, smell, sight, msic, art, building, and exploring. It sickens me to see the kids sit all day.
In response to the 69 yr old teacher: Please don't say "I do not feel I accomplished much, when I see the same kids struggling, and the same kids succeeding in our schools". You obviously have no idea how much your patience and teaching methods have changed and shaped the lives of your students all for the better! Although they still struggle with all that comes with having ADHD/ADD, they have been blessed with at least one teacher in their lives that recognizes their learning needs. And, because of you these kids have experienced at least once, how truly successful and intelligent they can be in life.
Both my kids have ADHD and struggle with anxiety/depression on a daily basis. My daughter also has OCD. They struggle even on medication. When my son was a toddler I knew very early that he was different than the other kids. While other infants & toddlers would sit contently in strollers my son had to always be on the go. Family and friends would tell me he was out of control and I needed to be harder on him. My response was always "No, he's just high maintenance". I loved that he was so active and although keeping up with him was challenging at times, our lives were never boring. I knew he was extremely smart. I have to say though, secretly I did question my parenting skills. My twin sister had her teaching degree and together we researched ADHD. We learned valuable skills to work with him so that when he entered school, he'd be better equipt to handle things and I'd have strategies and resources to approach the school with. I was fortunate, that from the start of preschool and into elemetary school, the teacher's and administrators were glad to hear what I had to say and most valued and supported the info. When my daughter came along we weren't suprised to realize she had it too.
At the beginning of each school year (or the summer before), I would sit down with the teacher and counselors and go over their learning styles and what does/doesn't work for them. For the most part, both kids have had excellent teachers. But I have to also give credit to the school administration for their support as well. I know my case is probably the exception, but hopefully as society becomes more aware and educated about this condition things will change. Things were working adequately without medication, until my son entered the fifth grade. Up to this point his teachers were creative when they noticed he was getting distracted. They all had their own way to bring his attention back to the classroom. One day my son came home from school in tears and told me of his frustrations. He didn't understand why the other kids had no problem staying on task. He said he couldn't handle his mind wondering and realized that often times he notice the teacher was talking but he had no idea what she was saying. She kept loosing his attention. The stradegies were no longer working. I knew then it was time to get professional help.
My son has been on medication for ADHD, Anxiety and depression ever since and he is now in college. My daughter has been on medication for ADHD/OCD, Anxiety and Depression since first grade. The OCD caused her the greatest amount of anxiety when she was younger. She is now a sophmore in High School. If you asked my kids what are some of their best memories of school, they will tell you about the most incredible teachers they've had in the past. Not all do they rave about, but there are a few that really stand out. They were the teachers who engaged them through the use of music, drama, encouraged thinking out side the box and so much more. They appear to have pocessed the same teaching style you used. I have to say that if it weren't for medication and teacher's like you, they would have given up a long time ago.
Finally, I have to agree about your opinion of the way these kids are tested. From the State Mandated Testing (ei: STAR Testing), A/P Testing, PSAT, ACT and SAT Exams that are timed so that even the regular kids have trouble completing in the time alloted. It's not a fair representation of the intelligence of kids with ADHD/ADD. I believe some sort of accommodations should be made for these students. Often times all they need is a little extra time to complete the exams. But even with longterm, well documented cases like my son's, it's virtually impossible to get accommodations for additional time. My kids have both had additional time allowances in K-12 Grades and my son even in his College Classes.But not these test. Oh, and by the way, the SAT and ACT Exams that colleges use to help determine prospective student admissions aren't even run by a college regulated organization. They're created and administrated by a private company with no affiliation to the colleges. So it's interesting that they have such little regard for fair and equal testing of kids with ADHD/ADD, even when many Colleges recognize this learning disability and make accommodations for the student once they are admitted. But first the student has to be able to score high before they are admitted. And, scoring high is a lot more difficult when you don't have the time to finish the exam in the first place.
Hi there
Your comment brings tears to my eyes because everything you say is so true! The system remains unkind to those who have differences or special needs. We herd our kids up like cattle and expect this straight line normalization...of one size fits all. Children don't learn that way. As a former educator and also now as a parent of a child who has special needs...I have many opinions and biases born from my varied experiences. I too, mourn for those children who fall between the cracks.
One of my friends who also has a special needs child found a quote which I printed and still have on my wall.
"If the child is not learning the way you are teaching, then you must teach in the way the child learns" - Rita Dunn
It seems common sense but...how often does this really happen?
I want to thank you for coming here to share so much of yourself with us. It is greatly appreciated and I do hope you will contribute more. You have so much depth and insight...it needs to be shared.
I don't mind whether or not people in general believe ADHD exists but when I have extensive documentation from extensive professional testing, take that to a doctor and a head psychiatrist, and they both don't believe a 57-year-old can have ADHD so I can not have my medicine, THAT is a major problem. In this particular case, I ended up losing my recently acquired job as I told them would happen because for the first 2 months of the job, we were in a temporary space in which there was no option but for me to share an office with a secretary who had the job to talk all day, so I could only work at night, but had to show myself in the office in the day. If I had had my medicine, I could have achieved enough to keep the job but without it, I ended up exhausted trying to get the work done without the help I should have had to keep myself productively employed.
It is only so hard to get my medication because some people abuse chemicals similar to Ritalin. If we just needed aspirin for ADHD, nobody would care and nobody would fight so much about whether or not ADHD, especially in mature adults, exists. I am 59 and have had ADHD all my life, severely decreasing the productivity I an offer society when on Ritalin. I have studied all non-drug-oriented treatments, spent years with psychiatrists to confirm all other psychiatric conditions I don't have, and practice all herbal, nutritional, coaching, behavioral, etc., techinques to manage ADHD, but I still legitimately need Ritalin, and am less than 50% as productive without it. I don't need monthly visits to doctors to monitor a condition that has not changed for 59 years. Still, I can only get a one-month supply, so I have trouble every time I move, which happens often due to ADHD and the difficulty of getting Ritalin and of making medical professionals believe I have it dispite a stack of medical documents.
The problem is not ADHD but the disbelief or medical professionals and the excessive burden of proof on my shoulders that I legitimately need Ritalin and the resulting financial burden (of monthly psychiatric visits required by many states) on someone without medical insurance (because I can't get Ritalin to help me hold a job long enough to keep the medical insurance).Only because others abuse drugs similar to Ritalin do we have to fight unreasonably and pay for more doctor visits than we rightfully need (as adults who have already learned all we can to manage what we can do beyond durgs).
When are the rights of those of us with a legitimate disabling condition going to be respected above those who abuse the same drugs we need?
I do identify with your problems here. When I fell on hard times and had to go on publicly provided "mental health care", I lost the excellent care and medication that I had been getting. I had functioned far better with a psychiatrist and prescriptions for Adderall and Wellbutrin. The state of Oregon requires that no citizen be deprived of mental health care, yet all they provide for publicly provided psychiatric care is a psychiatric nurse practitioner who writes prescriptions. I had to fight to get Adderall. It took some urging from the social worker, who was all I got to replace my former psychiatrist, to convince the prescribing nurse that I was not going to abuse amphetamines and still the dosage for Adderall is small and the nurse seems fearful when we discuss the eventual need to up the dosage. I'm okay with 20 mg a day for now, but there was a time when I functioned very well on 90mg a day. I was not a speed freak. I also had to go for nearly 2 years with no meds until I could get someone to listen to me and get me onto the Oregon Health Plan and another year to find out where to go for meds (forget about psychiatric care - it isn't provided). I urge anyone in a similar situation to exhaust all sources to find out how to get the meds you need. Stand up for yourself, accuse your providers of branding you a druggie, if that's what it takes. It worked for me. They were at least ashamed enough to write the prescription, even if I am underprescribed.
Exactly your story is the problem I have, and when I have less medicine than needed, I perform worse than I need to perform to be able to keep a job -- and thus to keep medical insurance or an income to pay a doctor to prescribe. Now, I am almost bankrupt because of this problem occurring over and over and over no matter how hard I try. An almost bankrupt Harvard MBA with a doctorate!!! What a waste for society, not just for me.
Do we have any representation with lobbying or other efforts? We need that to stand up to all the laws that disregard our needs and rights.
I don't know what state you live in, but you're describing the kind of issues that would get you on permanent disability in some states. It's not a perfect situation, but it would get you some medical coverage and enough income for basic living expenses. You should have a discussion with whatever office processes applications for Medicaid and check with your local social security office.
I am in shock really...that you are going through this. I can totally understand your frustration and anger that you cannot get the medication that you need. What reasons do they give for not prescribing it to you? Is it that they don't believe an adult can have ADHD? I would keep trying...not sure how many doctors you have been to.
Let me research this a bit...maybe we can find some resources for you. I am just so sorry you have to go through all this trouble to get help.
Thanks. I would appreciate any resource. I really want to help myself out of this deeper and deeper mess I'm getting into financially, medically, and professionally.
In this clinic which was in Berkeley, so not in the backwoods, there were 3 professionals I saw. They didn't believe I could have ADHD. The MD did not believe it because I came in to the office every time with notes that took me more than an hour to prepare about what I needed to say or ask since I know I am bad with organization and remembering what to say. (I still always forgot something on the list but she did not know that.) So she said I could not have ADHD because I was too organized!!! I finally left the clinic because this MD YELLED at me to shut up because I was talking excessively after she asked what had happened medically since my last appointment!! 1. I was shocked to have a quiet medical doctor yell unprofessionally when I was only trying to answer her question. 2. I understand this is probably further evidence of my ADHD since I had no idea I was talking excessively.
The psychologist I met with for counseling because I was so scared of losing my new job because they would not give me the Ritalin for the first 2 months I went to the clinic believed me but had not been educated about ADHD and did not know adults could have it or what were the characteristics but he got a book I recommended and thanked me for educating him about it (but I educated him, not his psychology program). In the same case I mentioned, the apparently elderly psychiatrist, head at this adult clinic, didn't even know the obvious rules for prescribing Ritalin. She had to read the PDR in front of me, and then she still did it wrong -- prescribed 5mg a day (when I need 30-40mg) for 2 months but the law in every state I know only allows only a one-month prescription with a new prescription every time. The psychiatrist would not give Ritalin to me a second time because she wanted me to be tested more for bipolar disease. It is impossible that I am bipolar!! I am 59. My brother is a psychologist. My childhood best friend's father was a psychiatrist (I saw almost daily from age 9-13). My best adult friend for 25 years was a psychiatrist and so was her husband. I had about 20 years of psycholgical or psychiatric out-patient therapy because of potential depression, trouble adjusting socially, losing jobs, getting kicked out of school, implusiveness, eventually finally for ADHD counseling, etc. Not one of these few dozen professionals ever considered bipolar disease for me. I just don't have those symptoms.
With that clinic, I ended up only getting 5mg -- once 10 pills, second time 30 pills, then my temporary indigent benefits ran out and I had to pay for seeing that psychiatrist for bipolar disease if I wanted to get any more medicine, which was unreasonable. Then, the MD yelled at me as noted above so I just left that clinic, and left California, because I could not afford to live there without a job and without any medical care. I thought in the midwest I'd get medical care easier but I have not had luck because I have been transient and haven't qualified for residency to get other medical care.
I have severe ADHD symptoms, that's all. I can function with 10mg Ritalin perfectly because I have read dozens of books and had ADHD counseling and coaching so I know how to manage when I can get my brain under control with the medicine. I have genius intelligence and by working 24-hours a day before discovering my ADHD, I achieved a Harvard MBA (by the skin of my teeth but I passed), and a doctorate (though it took extra years). I get Ritalin and hord it for job applications and important meetings because only once did I ever get what I needed for 4 months in a row. That was in Ecuador. Without Ritalin, I just lose job after job, friend after friend, dollar after dollar, and mess up my life no matter how hard I try to use all the techniques I learned from ADHD books and ADHD coaching classes. Now I am at the bottom of my resources. I want to settle somewhere but I am out of money so I keep going from friend to friend who will let me stay for a month with them for free. That adds to the problem of trying to qualify for medical and financial assistance because all states want you to prove you lived there a certain time, and by now, I didn't live anywhere very long.
Sorry if that was too much. Since you said you would try to check into this, I wanted to give you more background. But really, since I have lived so many places having short jobs here and there, it is ALWAYS the same. I go in with a positive attitude and take my papers but doctors always don't believe I have ADHD. Maybe I prepare too well before going in so I seem too organized like the one doctor said. But why aren't my papers enough? They did days of tests and interviews at a special clinic. I just don't have ADHD branded on my forehead, I guess. They want to think I am having aging problems or it is my hypothyroidism or bipolar or anything but never ADHD. I had the same symptoms since I was 2 years old before aging or hypothyroidism. Nobody believes a 59-year-old Harvard MBA can have ADHD. If they only knew how many hours I spent reading over the same pages again and again to try to pay attention to what they said before I got my work done and how I never did anything but study, they would understand then, maybe.
Thanks for any advice you can offer. Ideal for me would be if there is some kind of reputable online doctor who can prescribe Ritalin that I could develop a relationship with that doctor even if I have to keep moving around a little until I finally get a job and a home again. I want and try so hard to be stable like everyone else. I just need my medicine so I can manage that. I was so happy when finally at age 46, I got the ADHD diagnosis and my first bottle of Ritalin. It was like a miracle like everyone else says. But then I was ready to move, and for 13 years, I have constantly moved because every time I move I can't convince people to give me Ritalin and when they do give it to me, it is always less than what I need, so I keep failing and having to move again and convince professionals again, and the cycle goes on. I only know those 4 months in Ecuador when I had 30-40mg a day, life was so calm and normal and I was so productive, well-rested, and normal. I only want that for myself and the people around me.
Thanks for any advice or leads,
Lee
How do those "naysayers" want to explain a pre-school child who is tested, tests high in all areas of intelligence, but was completely unable to respond in a particular type of test requiring a particular area of the brain to function (never mind the specifics - just note that he scored very high everywhere else). Same child struggled through 12 years of school, insisting that he try to do everything his classmates did, but still unable to perform in tests that required that he write about what had been studied (ask him about it and he'll tell you what he learned, but he can't write it, under pressure, for a test. Yet, ask him to write something more creative, without the pressure and he'll knock your socks off. He also turned in an annual thesis that was always rated with the highest grade and comments that he'd gone far beyond expectations for high school students.
Can these naysayers explain how my son's school - a magnet school for students specializing in the arts and performance had a far higher number of students needing the services of education specialists and far more diagnoses of "learning disabled (ADHD, ADD and any number of similar diagnoses) than found in a typical middle or high school? These were kids who had to audition for admission and demonstrate high aptitude for the arts AND had to bring with them AND maintain high academic standards at the same time (and they did, but needed some help).
And how do these naysayers explain my family - as our children were being diagnosed with Aspergers, ADD, Autism and related disability, we were realizing that our children's generation was not the only one in the family coping with being "different". The more we learned about our kids, the more we realized that all 4 siblings in my family had coped throughout life with some form or other of ADD, Autism or Aspergers Syndrome and we realized, with relief, what had plagued our father throughout his life as he struggled to live up to his expectations of himself. All of us, including our father are/were bipolar - a frequent companion for ADD/ADHD.
We're quite certain that our paternal grandmother lived with the same issues in herself and that our mother's family was not immune. Unfortunately, our father died believing that he was "posessed", because there was no explanation available to assure him that he wasn't insane - he was just "different" and there would eventually be an explanation for it.
I have no regard for the naysayers. For me, their attitudes are simply a sign that they lack the ability to think expansively and tend to think in boxes - tiny, dark boxes. It's their problem. Ignore them. They have no idea what it has been like to grow up with huge aspirations, accompanied by huge roadblocks to hurdle somehow...
Anonymous...you make an excellent point...right...we can ignore the naysayers UNTIL they are the ones in control...a boss...a teacher...a principal...a doctor...who will not provide help, treatment, support, or accomodations because they don't believe that ADHD is a real disorder.
I hear you cmoorecole...
I have seen the genetic elements to this over and over again. My mother has schizophrenia...I suffer from depression...my youngest son has autism. I also have Multiple Sclerosis. These are all...neurological disorders. I have seen many families where if you look back...it is like...yeah great granddaddy had some of the same symptoms...and it makes you wonder.
These disorders including ADHD are very real! And you are right...let the naysayers spend time with a child who has this...and they might understand better. It is far to easy to judge...I guess it is not so easy for people to take the effort to understand.
Not sure what the answer is but...all these comments tell me that stigma is alive and well for ADHD and other related disorders.
I am a public school teacher so I am well aware of the problems facing children with ADHD and ADD. My stepson and his wife were totally in denial about their son's ADHD. He was the worst behaved child I have ever been around and ruined every family get-together, but his mother would vacillate between over-punishing him or completely ignorning the inappropriateness of his behavior. My husband and I knew exactly what was wrong with him but his mother would not hear of it. I can't say how many times I wanted to walk out of restaurants because not only was his behavior embarrassing, but I could not enjoy my meal with his screaming and throwing things. One time at home we were eating and he slammed his glass of milk down on the table so hard that the milk flew up in the air and went all over everyone at the table's food and his mom did nothing.
When he started school he of course had big problems, but mom tried to get those glossed over by developing close email friendships with the teacher. Eventually there was no denying something was terribly wrong when he started getting in trouble in school and was not progressing as he should have. After a sort of phone intervention the parents finally had him evaluated, but they didn't really want us to know that at first. They had resisted the idea of putting him on medication, but when they finally did get him on meds the change was incredible. Everyone around him had been suffering but he was the one who had been suffering the most and now he is doing well at long last.
Any teacher can tell you that ADHD and ADD are real!
Hi Mea
I am so glad this story has a happy ending! I have seen this too. I have an acquaintance who just told me that their child was having lots of trouble in school and that the school was saying that he had ADHD, but this parent was vehemently against medication and any sort of label. Well...the child got suspended and it is unclear if he can go back to school! So yes denial is there for parents and I understand this on my end as well. I had worked in the field of special education for over a decade but when my son was showing signs of ADHD and autism early on...I didn't want to hear it. My heart was breaking and as much as I knew about these disorders I just hated the fact that now...it was my child who would face these lifelong challenges. So acceptance is hard. You just don't want to admit that there is something "wrong" with your child. I put that word in parentheses because...there wasn't anything wrong with my son...he just is wired up differently. But he did need help. And when I finally snapped out of denial mode...I got quickly to work!
Thanks for sharing your story here...I am sure so many people can relate.
My son was diagnosed with ADHD in 3rd grade. Until I saw the difference in him, I never believed how much it can affect you. He went from failing in conduct and bad grades over all to be a model student and getting decent grades. His 3rd grade teacher was "trained" in special Ed. supposedly and was the only one in the group that fought me on his diagnosis. The doctors laughed because when she did the evaluation on him she rated him higher for ADHD than the others.
I always allowed him to determine his need for medicine after the 5th grade and he respected and acknowledged his own limitations. He remained on medicine during his entire school career because he became aware of his needs. I realize that he gets this from me as I got it from my father. I always say that I am mentally ADD because if my mind is not kept busy than I get into trouble. Sometimes, I have a hard time staying focused on activities. When I study, I go to the library or Borders because otherwise there are to many things that distract me at home (did I get a new email, whats on TV, call and visit with this friend or another).
Hey there
So you had a special education teacher fight you on the diagnosis. I wonder why?
I am so glad that medication has been an effective strategy for your son. So you see yourself in his struggles? I just wrote a post on Friends of Quinn about seeing myself in my son. You will have to check it out.
Thank you so much for sharing here...it is much appreciated!
Just a word to parents. Don't let someone tell you that there is nothing wrong with your child if you think there is. Fight for the child and as I told the Special Ed. Teacher, " If he is not ADHD what is the harm of going through the process. If he is then we have gotten him the treatment that he needs to make her classroom a better place to learn and helped her to be more effective in the classroom." If your child struggles and you refuse to acknowledge a medical condition then you do major damage as the child can feel as though they are always a failure no matter what they do.
I was born in the early 50's, a time that the doctor's did not know much about this disorder. I grew up thinking that I was not smart (although I was in excellerated classrooms) because I could not concentrate, could not sit still, and my mind constently wandered from one thought to another. High School was horrible for me, I could read something over and over and not tell you what I read. The only real release I had was art. I did not have to focus, it poured out naturally. This blew my chance of going to college. No matter how hard I tried to focus, it wasn't there and of course I gave up. I thought I was just not smart.
I have a 20 year old son with the same problem. Doctor's starting telling me he would need medication when he was two years old. I disagreed and wouldn't do it. He saw a psychologist in elementary and early middle school years. He worked hard doing the what the Doctor trained him to do, but it just wasn't working. Finally I agreed to put him on meds. Not only did his behavior settle down, but his grades went to the roof. He started making straight A's, had lots of friends and participated in more activities than he really had time for. He is now a "Physics" major at one of the most difficult universities in the nation, going on scholarships and grants, and keeping his grades at the top. He sees a Disabilities Coordinator once a week, and still takes his medications. He even continues his meds during the summer, he takes them when he works to stay focused on his job. I am glad there is answer for him, something I didn't have. My life would have gone in a totally different direction if I had have had some medical help.
ADHD is a real medical problem!
I am sorry, but just saw a commercial for ADHD and I had to laugh. I am originally from Brazil, and so I am seriously not used to SO many disorders and pills like the US has. The pharmaceutical companies here easily brain wash many Americans into believing they are sick. When in fact their problem is the high pace lifestyle, the overwhelming amount of work, the not enough time off from work, the piling bills, the lack of social contact and many other human factors. I have even heard of dog anxiety while at my job, and my coworker fell for it. We are just humans, and dogs are just dogs. We need to know ourselves better so we dont fall for these crazy disorders and put a label to every single thing we do/feel. "I can't sleep and stay asleep, what can be my problem?" I'll answer that: caffeine, worries in your head, etc. Not something you solve with a pill. Ai ai...but this country knows how to make big bucks. The wealthy 1% of Americans will collect more and more until everyone wakes up and does something about it. Get out of your selfish selves and try to see beyond the fictional stories the tv and radio gives you. These ADHD pills might even be sugar pills.
Not true. When a person has ADD/ADHD their is actually a part of their brain missing. Do your studies. I have ADD, daughter has ADD, other daughter has ADHD, son has ADHD. I never knew I had ADD until about 3 years ago and I am turning 37. I went through hearing people saying it does not exist and children just need discipline. BS! I was well behaved as a child. I just struggled. I am on Adderall now and my life is so completely different. When I first started the Adderall it was like putting glasses on for the first time in my life. I noticed things that I wouldn't have before. I am a better parent because I am able to stay on top of things now. I am alert and I am aware of everything that my children are doing. My daughter with ADHD just started taking Adderall XR. MAJOR improvement! She is not loud anymore, she does not make poor choices that sometimes would put her and her younger brother in danger, she listens to me, she is more focused and able to do her school work no problem, she is able to sit still for long periods of time, she is better mannered, and the list could go on but my point is you can give me or my children sugar pills and we will know if it is a sugar pill or Adderall. Just like the schools know. I had a phone call from the school already asking if my children had their medicine because of their behavior. They didn't have their medicine I wasn't able to get an appointment with the doctor in time to get their new script and like I said others notice the difference.
I have the same problem of some people not "believing in" my ADD. Thankfull my husband does! But at first he was completely against medication. After bringing books home and talking to others who have ADD, he has accepted it now and now convinces me all the time that I have ADD. I have been professionally diagnosed with it 3 times now. And YES I do have it. But sometimes I will be talking to a friend or even my family and they say "you don't have ADD". It irritates me so badly because my whole life was in ruins because of it. I am now 35 and have been clean for 15 years now, but when I was younger I was kcked out of class, out of school, always cut, never did schoolwork, always talked back, always fought, was extremely angry and emotional and eventually became a heroin and meth addict. How could they not see??
Also, i am a very strong Christian now, Jesus saved my LIFE!!! But i have to say many times the church is missing it in the area of mental disorders. It's OK to take medicine, trusting God can heal you but doesn't always. It is so foolish to think you are disappointing God if you aren't just hanging in there, enduring. He LOVES us, and is not suprised by our ADD. He created the chemicals in our brain and has NO problem with us getting help. I get so frustrated when a sister or brother in Christ says...oh God wants to heal you of that. Yes, He may..but he doesn't always...and he loves me just the same. :) I am breastfeeding right now so I am off meds, but I CANNOT WAIT to get back on my meds.
A really good book I read to help me with these issues is "BLUE GENES" by Paul Meier. He also has ADD! And he has been a pshyciatrist for many years!
All my love to every family affected by ADD. God BLESS you and be encouraged.
PS...keep forgiving those who don't believe......:)
My grandaughter ia a very normal energetic child, smart, healthy, happy and yet just because she can't sit in her chair during story time the teacher is already thinking that she may have the symptoms of "ADHD". For God's Sake A child is a child, that is what they do best; jump, run, play, experiment, not clean their room, not listen, not sit still at times, climb ect..I was worst than that and I was never diagnosed with ADHD. It makes me sick to my stomach to hear how many children are being diagnosed with ADHD and medicated. Children should be given a chance to be children and enjoy their childhood without having to label them the moment they behave not according to the school standards.
Hi there
I am homeschooling my son so I hear you. Schools are sometimes ill equipped to deal with any differences in children. I have personally always hated story time because for some kids...it is too unstructured...they don't know where to sit...there is more of a chance for fidgeting and squirming than paying attention. My son...who has been diagnosed with autism never did well with story time.
I am not going to argue that some teachers may be too quick to label a child with ADHD. I personally think the disorder is overdiagnosed. As is autism. This is just my opinion. But if a child does have ADHD...and it goes untreated...and treatment is not just medication...behavior management is critical...the child keeps falling behind not only academically but socially. I would not be so quick to dismiss the idea. At least research the symptoms and see what you think. If then, you think it is a load of bunk...well at least you did your homework. If you get the same comments from other teachers...you might want to research.
You may be absolutely right in your assessement...but what if...you are wrong?
When my son was not even two years old one of my friends who is an occupational therapist told me she suspected my son had autism. I was livid. How dare she? Then at age three when he still wasn't talking, my friend who was a pediatrician suggested he had autism...again I was so angry I almost stopped talking to her. And me...a special education teacher...ignored the signs because I was in denial. At age four my son was finally diagnosed. Had I listened early on...we would have been ahead of the game. I have regrets.
I am glad you have shared your story. I do hope you are right that the teacher is way off base. But do have an open mind as it could help your grandchild.
Thanks for sharing here.
I dont believe in ADHD sorry... But i also dont believe that there should be a norm in the way kid should act. The things ppl descibe as being part of ADHD seems like kid type behaviors to me. I believe that kids shouldnt have to be medicated we should broaden our views on what a kid should be and accept kids as hyper as they are... how has this been defined? U have to accept a norm and enything outside of that box must be wrong. Does medication really solve the problem, does it change the fact that schools blame the kid for the way they act? One thing it does do is conform kids to fit into our social norms. Who are we to say that what we do is right.... I thought kids were suppose to be hyper and impulsive these are things we learn to control as we grow up right?
Hi there
No need to apologize for your opinion. I think many folks can understand where you are coming from. Many experts in the field might say that ADHD is overdiagnosed and some of the behaviors you see in a typical classroom may be just a case of having to sit still for so long. But there really and truly is a difference for a child or an adult who has ADHD.
ADHD is one of the most researched of childhood disorders. They are now understanding that the brain structure of the individual with ADHD is different than the brain of someone who does not have this disorder. This information is repeated in many scientific journals...using peer reviewed studies. For example, here is but one report from Psychiatric News:
New high-resolution, three-dimensional maps of the brains of children with attention-deficit/hyperactivity disorder (ADHD) indicate significant and specific anatomical differences within areas of the brain thought to control attentional and inhibitory control systems, compared with brain scans of children without ADHD.
This is something our arm chair psychologist...subjective...onlooker role...cannot dispute.
For those people who do have ADHD...the diagnosis may come as a relief...they finally understand why they have such issues as not being able to focus or pay attention as others do. For many people with ADHD...the medication helps.
I think people come about their opinions in many ways...but I would urge you to talk to someone with ADHD...or else a parent of a child who is diagnosed with this disorder...or better yet...spend a day with them. I am thinking you might have a better basis for understanding what this disorder is and how it affects not only the person who has it but the whole family.
And too, the esoteric world of how things should be...doesn't really apply to science. Nor does subjective observation. Read the many studies and research on ADHD and then one can run a study to try to dispute the MRI scans.
Then too you might go up against the U.S. Surgeon General, the American Medical Association, the American Psychiatric Association, the American Academy of Child and Adolescent Psychiatry, the American Psychological Association, and the American Academy of Pediatrics who all recognize ADHD as a valid disorder.
Everyone is entitled to their opinion. But opinion is not fact. Opinion is not science.
Thank you for expressing your view. It has made for some very good discussion.
Well maybe its just that, that it is over/mis diagnosed... My little sister has ADHD but i see that the meds when she was younger really made her like a zombie, she still takes meds and did have trouble with her sleeping patterns and has suffered with deppression i can see how it effect ppl whom suffer from it... As she is getting older(now a junoir in high school) she is becoming less dependant up on the meds and is now teaching kids from her experiences...
Looking back though, when we were younger she was always hyperactive especially compared to me(oldest more mild mannered calm), I feel that sometimes medicating kids just makes them become easier for us to deal with, so they fit what most ppl want in a child...
i guess its just that so many kids have it and i hardly believe that all these kids deserved to be labled... and ultimately failing the ones who depend on us as a society the most... Kids
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Michael Laskoff here. The other issue with ADHD is that it's not amenable to the
"quick fix". The condition is manageable but chronic. Any sign of recidivism is, however, treated as proof that curtailment is a myth or that medication is ineffective. Unfortunately, the condition simply isn't curable so less than perfect days are inevitable. Hopefully, that won't deter people who will benefit from getting the help that they need. Both medication and behavioral treatments can greatly improve one's quality of life: taken alone or in combination, they are the imperfect weapons that are available to us, and I sincerely hope that your readers are availing themselves of the benefits.
Thank you Michael!
I really appreciate your insightful comment and to our readers...we will be hearing more from Michael Laskoff, blogger for the Huffington post, in an upcoming interview. Michael has graciously agreed to answer questions about how he copes with and manages his ADHD as an adult.
So stay tuned!