I try and do all those things You wrote about,but sometimes nothing helps.
I keep talking my monologe and he keeps not listening.
Then we boath feel very stresed and tired with each other.
We have board in his room with home and school tasks.Every day we put 
for done tasks,
not done right away tasks and
not done tasks.
At the end of the week we have to count good ones and bad ones,and decide how to improve score if it is not satisfactory.
Also have to prize right amount of good ones.
He likes this better,and so do I,than yelling and talking in wind.
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Merely Me
I had to laugh when I read the part about not telling your child to "be good." What parent has not sighed and said "Please, please be good" as you walked into a friend's house? I think we have all done that and probably with the same results. Your child has a whole different concept of "good" than you do!
One thing I would like to add is sometimes it is necessary to make sure you meet your child's eyes when you are speaking to him or her. That way you can tell if they are listening or if their eyes are darting toward the television or whatever is going on around them.
Thanks for a great post. Your tips can certainly help a lot of parents.
Eileen