When you hold your baby in your arms for the first time you may daydream about the future. You may envision your child losing their first tooth, tasting ice-cream for the first time, or hitting a home-run at their first baseball game. Your vision probably includes an expectation that your child will progress through the normal milestones of development. In your mind’s eye you see your child learning how to walk, run, and ride a bike. Somewhere in the future your child is making friends and getting good grades at school. But seldom does this daydream include anything about neurological disorders. Nobody holds their baby close to their chest and dreams of acronyms such as ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) or ASD (Autism Spectrum Disorder).
The expectations we have for our children to progress normally are so strong that we sometimes dismiss the signs that our child’s behavior or development is askew. The emotional repression of what we are actually seeing before our eyes is a protective response most people use at one time or another. It is called denial. And I know all about it because I was in denial about my youngest son’s challenges for several years before his diagnosis. I am writing about my experience in hopes that you as a parent or caregiver can avoid wasting valuable time which could be better spent helping your child. Yet I realize that denial can be a very strong defense and it sometimes takes years to break through. At least that was my experience.
I feel that in many ways that I have no excuse for my denial. I was a special educator for over ten years. I have had tons of experience in the field and understand the early signs of most neurological disorders. Yet I totally missed these signs and symptoms when it came to my own child. How could I be so blind? Looking back, I feel I had assistance to remain in denial. There are many professionals who are reluctant to label a child with any type of delay or disorder early on. And this may be for good reason. One or two reported symptoms from an overly worried parent does not constitute a diagnosis. Yet it may be something to take a look at over time and not dismiss it with a hearty, “There is nothing to be worried about” retort as was given to us about our son.
When my son was two he was not saying any words. Our pediatrician, at the time, told us not to worry. “He’s a boy, they lag behind girls in verbal skills. Don’t worry, he will talk.” In six months from this initial assessment our son was still was not talking. I noticed that, instead, he would take our hands and use them like tools to get what he wanted, leading the way to the desired object. Our jovial pediatrician still maintained that our son was still very young and that he would talk soon.
Meanwhile, one of my best friends who is an occupational therapist would come to visit with her children. I noticed her watching my son carefully and I had to ask what she was thinking. With some hesitation she asked me if my son gave much eye contact. I told her honestly, “He does but it seems much less lately. I think he is too interested in his toys to be bothered.” Then it dawned on me that my friend was pointing out a symptom of autism. Immediately I became defensive. “Why are you asking this?” I asked guardedly. Then she proceeded to tell me her concerns that she noticed that my son did not give eye contact, didn’t respond to his name, and seemed to be in his own little world. “He is NOT autistic, if that is what you are thinking!” I said with a rising anger.
