Social Skills for the Child Who Doesn't Fit in

• Role play social scenarios where your child has difficulties. Some possible vignettes may include meeting someone for the first time, how to respond to teasing, how to ask someone to play, or how to join a group of kids who are already playing. Try to be as natural as possible in playing the role of another child. Coach your child as to which of his or her responses would keep the communication going and which ones would likely cause them to be ignored or excluded.

• Focus on teaching one social skill at a time. Some of these skills may include teaching your child to read facial expressions, gestures, and body language. You can use videos or photos to help with this. Show visuals of different non-verbal communication and ask your child what they mean. Another social skill is learning about physical space and boundaries. Provide visual cues by drawing a chalk circle around your child to show what is meant by personal space. Show how much space should be between him or her and another person. Explain why others may interpret some actions as invading their personal space. Other topics for discussion can be learning how to take turns, how to show empathy, and how to be better oganized so that he or she is in sync with peers. For some specific ideas on how to teach some of these social skills there are many resources to choose from. One excellent resource is a book called, "Helping the Child who Doesn't Fit In by clinical psychologists, Stephen Nowicki Jr., and Marshall P. Duke.

• Help your child to focus upon making one good friend at a time. It can seem overwhelming for a child to think they have to be everybody's friend or to feel bad if they are not "popular." Stress the fact that the number of friends one has is less important than the quality of friendship. To have one good friend is better than having ten acquaintances you don't know very well.

It can be very difficult for the child who is trying to make friends but just doesn't know how.  It can also be emotionally painful to feel excluded, ignored, or teased for being different.  It can make a parent feel powerless in not knowing what to do to help their child through this.  I am hoping that my suggestions give hope to parents and caregivers that there are concrete things one can do to help their child to learn the necessary social skills to build and sustain relationships.  This teaching is sometimes more important than the academic lessons as social skills will be something your child needs for the rest of his or her life.

And now it is your turn.  Is your child having social difficulties at home or at school?  What strategies have helped?  Do you have any suggestions or tips for other parents who wish to help their child navigate the realm of social interactions?  We would love to hear them!