Behavior Management Series: Hitting and Kicking

If they are angry when they hit or kick how else can they express their anger without resorting to physically hurting others?  If they are doing it for attention then what are other ways they can get attention without kicking or hitting?  If they are simply hyperactive what are some ways you can help them to expend that energy without knocking into other people?  The trick is to fill that need by teaching them appropriate behaviors. 

• You want to reinforce appropriate behaviors which replace the hitting and kicking. Give verbal praise such as "I like the way you asked your friend to play" or "I like the way you tapped that person's shoulder to get their attention." It is best to try to prevent the kicking or hitting from happening in the first place but if it does happen you want a clear consequence which does not reward the behavior. Try not to emotionally over react because some children are reinforced by that sort of attention.

• Sometimes visuals can help to define the rules. I love the web site called Do To Learn as it has many teaching aids including icons to use to communicate behavioral expectations. Here is one for "no kicking" and here is one for "no hitting". 

• If you have younger children there are two books specifically written about these behaviors. The first is called "Feet Are Not for Kicking" by Elizabeth Verdick. The second one is called "Hands Are Not for Hitting" by Martine Agassi.

• Another strategy is to use what is known as a "social story." Carol Gray invented the use of social stories for children who learn more from a visual presentation than through other methods. Here is a link to information about social stories for more information. 

Basically, social stories are like a cartoon strip or series of drawings to show what to do in social situations.  For example, if your child has trouble when other's invade his or her personal space you could draw a series of pictures to show this type of circumstance and what he or she should do instead of hitting or kicking.  Children who do not process language very well may remember better what to do if they are shown instead of being told.

I do hope these strategies were helpful to someone out there.  I know how it is to have a child who doesn't always understand or obey the rules most kids are able to discern on their own.  Our children just need a little guidance, support, and direct teaching to steer them in the right direction.  If you have any suggestions about how to deal with hitting or kicking behaviors please do comment here.  The more ideas we have to choose from the better. We always enjoy hearing from you.