57 year old husband is ADHD. Meds do not help. After 30 days or so, he is extremely argumentative.
Why are the meds NOT working? He has been on Stratera, Ritalin, Aderal. I just simply refuse to talk to him and totally stay away from his nastiness. I have refused to be his victim of verbal abuse. I am afraid that his next step will be physical abuse. He has come close to it. He cannot and will not "think" before he opens his mouth. I used to argue right back, but have stopped doing so. His biggest argument is "you never said that or I never said that, or I told you that. None of which has happened. I have reminded him when he has forgotten he "already" told me something that morning and he repeats it in the afternoon. Some days he just shakes his head and says " I do not remember telling that to you." Some days he just starts screaming about it. I have told him that the meds alone will not control all of his ADHD symptoms and that he needs to work on his behavior modification. I have failed to convince him. Somedays I just want to file for a divorce. He has screamed at me to get a divorce. Some days, I just want to disappear. I try to stay away from him. Not good for our marriage, I know. What in God's name am I suppose to do? I need your advise, help whatever, or I am going to have to go on medication for anxiety.
Hi V: It sounds like ADHD isn't the only thing going on with your husband. Is he a veteran? If so, I would recommend that he go to the VA for a thorough workup, including a neuropsychological evaluation. If he is not a veteran, I would still recommend that he see a psychiatrist for his rage issues. He may be depressed. Depression often shows up very differently in men than it does in women. It often is manifested as anger in men, since that is a "safe" emotion -- that is, people won't pry if a person is angry, they will just back away. It doesn't sound likely that he would talk to a professional about what is bothering him, but I would strongly recommend it.
The other thing is, all of the ADHD meds that you recommend can stir up a person's agitation, and if a man is depressed and/or angry anyway, it can be a hard thing for a spouse to handle. If you need to email me, please feel free.
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First of all, is he still taking any of the meds? I have ADD myself and I am 52 years old and I started treatment about January this year for the first time. I wound up in the hospital with supposedly a heart attack. Dont know what happened yet. My family Doc. says I had a heart attack but other Doctors say no. Ive been reading a lot about anxiety assoc. with ADD, which I do have a lot of. I have stuck with my treatment through it all. As time goes on the anxiety has got better. I couldnt take Aderal, I am taking Dextroamphedimine 10 mg. tabs and they do help my mood much better. I wasnt lashing out to start with, just holding it in. Maybe try not reminding him he already told you something and he will quit worrying about it and some of his obcessing over it will go away and in turn make for a better mood for him and you. My husband tells me all time that ive already told him stuff or he toid me something that I forgot. Ive found if I dont obcess or dwell on it I can keep the anxiety down and in turn Im getting better. Not expert advice by no means, just from an also frustrated person.
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