I have been on adderall for add and I seem to be getting more angry then before? I can't seem to just let go and have fun, then I obsess about not having fun which leads to negative thinking, complaining and fights with my husband. Every thing in my world has to be just perfect and if it's not I just complain. My life is just one big complaint and people are sick of being around me. They say just stop but I can't. After reading many books I do feel like I have add, I have been diagnosed with so many things all my life but this seems like the right diagnoses so why is the medication not fixing my negative brain pattern? I think I may lose my husband because I am driving him away. I do love him but I have a hard time feeling love feeling when I am in my negative thoughts and I tell him I don't love him. I don't have much love for myself because all my life I have just seen myself as a stupid loser, I know you have to love yourself before you can love another, but at that rate i will just die alone, but the way i cycle through relationships I may just end up alone anyways. This leads to all sorts of other problems like depression, suicidal thoughts, and just plain fear of myself. I have been on all sorts of anti depressants and they just led me to attempted suicide and getting off them was so awful, I vowed never to go on those again. I am so desperate at this point; I don't know what to do?
The reason I ask about the OCD is all the ADD stuff fits me except the fact that I am very organized, it helps me to think clearer, but I have the worst memory and I lose stuff constantly even though I am organized. I just feel like I am defective. That I have every mental disorder all rolled into one person and I some times think it would just be easier to put myself out off all this misery. When I woke up at the hospital after my suicide I was happy to be alive and it lasted a few months but then it’s right back to the negative.