Saturday, September 13, 2008 lost asks

Q: How do i get my husband to understand?

aaahhhggg! I have been married for over two years, have an 18 mnth old....and actually had everything together for awhile....I did almost everything. Plus, when my child was 4 months old, i had to work a second job to help support my family. Not my husband. I crashed hard in January...finally got help for post-partum which i recoginized, then went on several meds before settling with lexapro...quit seeing the counsler because he was useless...left everything up to me...(he told me once he wished more of his pt's were like me...) not to mention i was on the waiting list to see the psyc. but everytime someone tried to commit suicide i got bumped farther down the list...at one point thought about telling "Joe" i had suicidal tendancies just so i could see the psyc.! Finally got my depression undercontrol by having two close friends help me.(again not my husband...says he offered to help..but only in arguements...this is a man who couldn't even clean the bathroom for me while i was prego..yes i have a lot of anger towards him for his previous laziness, and sarcasim. He once told me depression was a state of mind..)

I have always known I was different...so my two buddies encouraged me to talk to my doc...aahhh alast, I have adhd at 27. Quiet honestly i have had it all my life...

So now my husband is motivated financially...working two jobs so i don't have too...Yet he holds it against me i think, and in the last two months i don't care. Our house is a mess....and he keeps nagging me. I know what I have to do, But i can't get over being mad at him for the past....and I think he sees this adhd thing as an excuse. I want to go to a counsler, but just my luck no one near for miles that specialize in this, and quite frankly, the local establishments are crap......I have yet to talk to someone who is willing to help....catholic human services have a huge waiting list....and have little educational resources...this goes awell for the state offices, and there are a lack of private offices in the area....let alone those that take ins.... So i am lost....and i do not want my marriage to end....I just want him to understand....and no matter how i explain things to him, he turns it back on me or "puts me in a corner"...it seems like he refuses to understand, a little 'ODD'...And i am sick of people telling me it is b/c he is a guy...If i can recoginize i have a serious problem, and want to be proactive on it, why can't he just try to understand. I even brought home a book about it, and he said to put together a "understanding adhd for dumbies" like thing. Why can't he just read the book....Is there hope? Any suggestions on any of this would be great.

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Answers (1)

Vicki M, Editor

9/17/08 4:02pm

Hello Lost,

Sit your husband down to this response and work through the links I am providing together. He needs to understand that ADHD is a medical condition that affects your ability to concentrate which makes even mundane tasks difficult to accomplish. Added to your diagnosis of post partum depression, it can be disabling. You and Mr Lost need to stick together to get through this. It is possible Mr Lost is also feeling some emotions that he is unsure how to handle and that could affect his ability to be the partner you want and need, (and deserve) Together the two of you can work through this. I think you should continue to try to find a doctor who specializes in ADHD. While online sites like Health Central are great for getting information, they can not take the place of your doctor's sound medical advice.

When you are just diagnosed, it helps to know something about what to expect. This section will help you understand what it means to be diagnosed with ADD/ADHD. Here is a comparison between ADD and ADHD. Again, you might know all of this already since you were diagnosed a while ago, but it never hurts to read it over and keep a pen and paper handy for taking notes for questions. This section is about related conditions. Your only mention of medication was Lexapro, but here is a good basic overview of the most popularly prescribed medications for ADD/ADHD. You can read about what you've taken and maybe get a perspective as to how they work. Current treatment protocols change all the time, but here is some information about some of the practices currently being used. Here is a link to information that might help you in choosing a professional who will help you with your needs. While we can't give you information about professionals in your immediate area, you can get a feel for what to look for and what to avoid.

I hope this helps. Please do stay in touch and let us know how you and Mr Lost are doing! I can also be emailed here through the site.

Vicki M

Q: How do i get my husband to understand?

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