Sunday, October 26, 2014

Friday, September 12, 2008 Ofoldor, Community Member, asks

Q: My wife and son have Add/Ahdd they fight every day, where can I get help to soften things out?

The situation is very much out of control, my son is abused by his friends at school they fool him and hide his belongins, in home his sutuation is not any better, he argues a lot frecuently with his mom, they argue until the point that they said very hurtful things or hit each other, when I get involve to help with the conflict my wife turns to me and make it look like everything is my fault, I have read and keep reading a lot about how  to   interact with ADD'rs I very much can put our son under control but my bigger problem is making my wife understand that part of the conflict is created because the way she approches and talks to our son. We were working in a reserch with OHSU, recently our conselour gave us a survey that was kept in secret by my wife, when we had our meeting she was very proud with the answers that she provided to the survey, but after our conselour read then he asked my if I know about the questionare and I said no, then he told my wife that her answers where extremely negative, he said that he does not sees my like the person she was discribing, since then we have not seen our conselour, Every day she tells my how stupid, ignorant and inferior I am, but reallity is I am not any of these, I don consider my self to be perfect, but I am a hard working, responsible, positive, caring and loving person. Our situation is so bad that what I am looking for is legal advise, I am thinking in separation but will prefer to have full custody of my son and daughter becuase I think their life will be less estreesed. Please help!! It may help to  let you know that we are a bicultural couple, I  am from Mexico my wife is from USD we have been married for 15 years.

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Answers (2)
Heather & Kaleb, Community Member
9/13/08 10:43am

Saturday 9/13/08

    Hi Olfoldor, my name is Heather, I'm a single mom.  I  have a son who will turn 10 on 12/3/08 who has ADHD w/many behavioral & aggression issues (he has never hit me in all of his rages), he takes 3 different meds (Ritalin, Clondine & Strattera) to help him control his ADHD, behavioral & aggression issues.  I myself was diagnosed last Aug. '07 w/low grade ADD, I wouldn't be on any meds, but the Psychologist (we started seeing the Psychologist in Jan. of '07) suggested I be put on a mediciine, cause it just might help me deal w/my son & his issues better.  My son & I where just like your wife & son, but in last Oct. '07, I called the Psychologist that my son & I would see once a mnth for family sessions & told him that something gotta give cause I was about to snap.  He told me that he would see what he could do, we set up a one on one session, but he said that if he was able to get me in sooner then he would.  Well I had my first one on one session w/him on Oct. 1st '07 (which he got me in sooner) & now that I see him once a mnth for one on one sessions my son & I still argue alot sometimes, but not as bad as we used to.  Back to the question you asked about, have you yourself tried to have one on one sessions w/the counselor that you & your wife would see as a couple/family.  Ever since I started seeing the counselor/Psychologist by myself once a mnth for one on one sessions it's helped me alot more to be able to deal w/my son & his ADHD issues he has.  My son sees him by himself every other mnth or sometimes we have a family session instead of my son seeing him by himself.  Let us know if anything you tried has worked or not, I hope you at least give it a try w/one on one sessions w/the counselor that you & your wife see as a couple/family if your child/ren come with to the sessions.  Take Care, Heather & Kaleb (my son's name is Kaleb) 

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retired, Community Member
9/ 6/09 1:09pm

CALL ADULT PROTECTIVE SERVICES

THEY WILL AND CAN HELP HER.........

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By Ofoldor, Community Member— Last Modified: 03/24/11, First Published: 09/12/08