Thank you for your question and welcome to ADHDCentral.com.

First, let me say that I am not a medical professional. I am the mother of a grown son with ADHD and an advocate for those with special needs. Therefore, I can give my opinion, but please understand that it is just that, my opinion.

You have really asked two questions, one on treating two different children equally and one on locking children in their rooms at night.

As far as treating children equally, I previously wrote a post on that: Equality vs. Fairness and, after raising my children, I can tell you there is a difference between equality and fairness. As I say in the post, "...It is almost impossible to treat your children equally. Each child is different, most of the time, each child is a different age and each child has unique needs and wants. Treating children equally would deprive each of them of some of their unique needs."

I think, as parents, we must determine the needs of each child and work toward providing a loving environment for each child while making sure their unique needs are met. It is not always easy and I can tell you that my children probably felt at one time or another I was not treating them equally. I would always explain that I could not treat them equally, nor would they want me to because by doing so I would be forgetting they were unique and an individual.

As far as locking children in their rooms at night, I would not be able to judge your friend. Your friend may be doing so because she desperately needs to get some sleep in order to manage during the day. She may be doing so because she is afraid for their safety. She may be doing so in order to protect the child without autism. Being concerned is fine, however, rather than determining if this is right or wrong, see if you can find out why and look for ways to help your friend cope with her situation.

Eileen

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1/31/11 6:46pm

I  believe it's because she needs the sleep to cope, and that way she knows they are safe.  I am not judging, just looking for guidance for her and what I can do to help.  I think they need family counseling to get tips on how to cope better. thanks for your reply. 

Eileen Bailey, Health Guide

2/ 2/11 6:30pm

I apologize, I did not mean to imply that you were judging your friend. I only said this because it is so easy to sound as if we are judging when talking to someone about their actions.

 

It sounds like you are a good friend and I am sure your friend would appreciate your concern and may even be thankful for any help you can give.

 

Eileen